Cigareettes and Beer and Wild, Wild Women

Last night, Chris and I went to hear Adam Wright and his band play. Wow. They are so incredible. I completely enjoyed it. Their sound is so ecclectic and polished. It's so cool to watch really, really talented people get together.

They played at a bar and grill. If you ask me, it was way more bar than grill. Lots of drinking and even more smoking. Loud talking. People trying to 'find' someone. It was my first time in a bar. I didn't see the appeal. If it hadn't been for Adam's music, I wouldn't have stayed. It was uncomfortable to me.

That whole scene was strange and not 'normal' to me. I watched women flirt and seduce. And the men evade and then flirt back. My first internal response was, at the very best condescending, and at the worst judgemental. Why would you do that? Why take the risks? Do you really expect good to come from it?.... You can hear my attitude can't you? I wasn't condemning as much as confused and a little curious. With a dose of self-righteousness thrown in.

On the way home, Chris and I talked about all of this. My take was to wrinkle my nose and avoid that situation from now on. Chris' heart was touched. Where I had seen weird people doing pointless things, he had seen lonely people in need of Christ. Those were his words... "Crissy, they're lonely and they don't have God. What else can they do?"

It reminded me of the passage where Jesus wept for Jerusalem. His heart was 'filled with compassion'. He didn't avoid them or wait for them to come to church. He sought them out. He went to the places of ill repute. Yet, we are so afraid of our reputation or our 'testimony' that we avoid these people like lepers... (which coincidentally, Christ wasn't afraid of either.)

Am I willing to throw my reputation away? Am I willing to reach out to the addicts, the whores, the drunks? Or am I only willing to reach out to the religious, the pure, the repentant.... the Pharisees? Christ said the sick need the doctor not the well. The ones who would condemn me for ruining my 'testimony' are the ones who have no need of Christ themselves. They've got it all together. They're good people. They go to church, tithe, take meals to the sick, vote pro-life, uphold the law and have morals..... wait, I just described myself.

Can I love the gays and the drunks and the loose-moraled? Only if I identify myself with them and cling to the cross of Christ. Then and only then can they see the cross. I can't just point to it like a landmark. I have to hold on to it like a drunk clings to his bottle. That they can identify with. That they can see.

Another shot of my daisies. I just like the composition of this picture. 

I took this picture from my porch swing. You can see some of my pretty flowers. I love the light in this one. Barry's letting me borrow his 8 megapixel digital camera. Let me just say.... I love it! 

June 29th

It is now after 10:30 pm and I'm blogging. I should be in the bed but, as you've already figured out, I'm not. If I had a laptop I would. So if any of you have a free laptop you wanna donate, let me know.

I'm listening to my new 'it' song. Sean Watkins' Run Away Girl. It's a very beautiful, haunting song. Love it! I downloaded it for 99......wait... I just found out that I don't have a 'cent' sign. I have a dollar sign.. $... but not a cent sign. Bummer.

My back hurts. As do my knees and elbows. I cut grass and got a wild urge to weed-eat. So I did. Then I took the kids to the lake for a bit and when I got home, Terri had called to tell me I was getting more cement. So I spent the rest of my evening pouring concrete. It looks pretty good too. (Quinn once said that I work like a man. I hope he meant that I know how to do a lot of stuff. *shrug*)

I realized that I left the phone on the hood of my van about five minutes after Chris left for work (in the van). Great. So I guess I gotta go to town tomorrow and buy a phone. (Chris if you're reading this... 1. power up you cell when you leave home and 2. do not try to buy a phone... remember your curse)

My kitchen is a wreck. My living room isn't much better. My yard is littered with toys. If Amber were here, she'd say that my house just looked "lived in".... she's my best friend after all, that's what she should say.

My lovely friend Angela is "skrugglin". Her Grandma is in the process of dying, her daughter is having health problems, and since she is Angela, she's serving everyone. I'm sure she is drained and exhausted. I pray for her every day and yet always forget to call. I am a ridiculously bad friend. I'm sorry Angela. But I do love you and pray for you.

I made a new friend at Sam's today. Her name is Pam. I hope I see her again. We had a great time talking. My Mother always said I could talk to anybody. It's true. Even if I don't like them, I can still find something to talk about. Not to say that I didn't like Pam, because I did.

I am living up to my link name on G's blog... Crissy's Ramblings. I know I'm rambling. I feel like a rambler right now. (Shut up G) But I am tired. I have much to do tomorrow.

Good night.

Vacation Day aka Really Long Post

What a day! As you read this, you'll probably think that I am either: A.) insane B.) brave or
C.) amazing. I'll just clear that debate up for you..... I am all of the above.

My friend Bekah's daughter had a birthday party today at Chuck E. Cheese's. We went and had a blast. It's a fun, albeit nasty, place to go. Can you say antibacterial wipes?

Afterwards, we had an hour or so to kill before we were to meet Kim and the boys at the McWane Center. So I gave the kids the option of the enormous, cool-looking downtown library or the B'ham Museum of Art. Overwhelming response for the art museum. My kids love it there. No joke. So off we went. We headed straight for the Art of Japan and China section. Very, very cool little miniature carvings. Plus, samari stuff. While there, we met Brenda. Brenda was our designated security stalker. But she was a lovely, fun, energetic tour guide. Maggie and Grace fell in love. Maggie quoted poetry. Grace told family secrets. Ms. Brenda told us about several exhibits we should go see. We did and were better for it.

The Creek Town Exhibit was awesome! Everything was hands-on and interactive. They played dress-up, sat in a canoe, made clay pottery, ground corn into meal, made music with turtle shell rattles tied to their bodies and played a native game involving sticks. (Can't go wrong with Ty and sticks. Well, most of the time... root canals excluded.)

After that exhibit, we strolled down to the Monet and Pissaro paintings. Then on to the American art. They love the horse and Indian sculptures. Right outside this exhibit, there was a little living room set up. TV playing a documentary, sofa, end tables, coffee table and a 3 person writing table, complete with paper, colored pencils, erasers, pencil sharpener and items to sketch. Kim and I sat on the couch and talked while the kids drew for almost 45 minutes. Our husbands would have been apoplectic by then.

We left the museum and headed for McWane Center. We saw the World of Water, an exhibit showcasing Alabama water eco-systems. Brody and Ty saw two turtles stacked on top of each other. Maggie and I saw two turtle engaged in inappropriate behavior. Same two turtles.

We went to the Money Town Exhibit. There was a plexiglass cube filled with strapped one dollar bills. Bren and I tried to estimate how much money was in there. We guessed over $250,000. Bren asked why they didn't use that money for improvements. I said that I thought it was to try to get people to do math, which it did. Sneaky people! Then we moved on to the Newsroom Exhibit. Ty enjoyed videoing himself performing on his air guitar, while Maggie gave a heart wrenching report on pediatric cancer. We stayed until they closed at 6pm.

We went to IHOP for supper. There we met, Nieshia. Super sweet, super great server. The kids colored pictures for her to take home. She brought them free ice cream. She has friends for life in my children now.

Maggie noticed that we made several new friends today and they were all "black". And she thought that was so cool. There aren't that many people of color in my kids lives. I regret that. But days like today are a start.

Days like today are priceless. I didn't spend any money. The Museum is free. We get into McWane free with our Space Center membership. Chuck E. Cheese was a birthday party. And of all their activities, the Museum was their favorite. They want to go back next week because there was so much we didn't get to see.

I absolutely love my life. I know it's hard, blah blah blah. But I love it. I love it. I think I dwell too much on the hardness of it. The laundry. The dishes. The budget. Yadda yadda yadda. But it's a lovely life. I have the priviledge of sitting and watching my kids play. Of smelling the pretty weeds they pick for me. Hearing them laugh at fart jokes. Answer their questions. Be their jungle gym. Hug them. Teach them.

All these things make me pine for heaven. Beauty here points me to a more profound beauty. Pain points me to a pain-free paradise. Laughter points me to the author of laughter. Sadness points me to the one who will forever wipe away my tears. Come, Lord Jesus. Come quickly.

My Favorite Words

I am weird. I know that it is so. But some things cannot be helped. My weirdness is one of them. I love the sounds of certain words. Most of which I cannot spell properly.

Prerequisite - makes me feel like I'm speaking Latin somehow.

Barbarian - feels brutal.

Crunchy - self-explanitory.

Underpants - ha!

Chocolate - best pronounced with a French accent while picturing Johnny Depp.

Clarity - sounds clear.

Google - makes me picture things bubbling over.

Belligerent - I just wanna plant my feet and put my hands on my hips.

Crisp - really love this one... not real sure why.

Bride - has love and respect all blended into one word.

Antiseptic - sounds painful.

Momma - conjures all sorts of feelings. It's what I called my own Mother in better, safer times. It is what I longed to be called for years. What I am now called a million times a day.

Sacred - has a heavy sound to it. Don't ya think?

Abomination - ugh.

Anguish - sometimes the only word that fits.

Forevermore - lovelier sound than simply 'forever'.


I could go on for a while but I'm tired and I want to start another post about something else entirely. But just one more before I go.... forlorn - doesn't that word just sound lonely?

Count Your Blessings

Life is full of quick, sweet moments. If you're not open to them, you miss them.

Yesterday, I was cutting the grass. I enjoy cutting the grass. (We have a lawn tractor.) The engine drowns out any other noises. The sun is shining. I can smell the grass. Brody stands in between my legs and enjoys the ride also.

As I was cutting, I watched Gracie and Ty folding up and enormous sheet of plastic. Now when I say 'enormous' I mean like 20'x40'. They got it folded into a 2'x3' section. Wow. But they had a blast doing it. They got it all laid out flat, then took the corners and ran to the other end. Over and over. The sun was shining down on them. They were laughing and running, racing each other. I was struck with gratitude. Gratitude for my life.

My life isn't amazing or perfect. But it is my life. It is the life God has given me. And then I remembered my mom telling me to 'count your blessings' when I was little. I tried to name as many as I could and I thought I'd share a few.

I am thankful for my grass. I distinctly remember when we didn't have any. I have a lovely yard.

I am thankful for my husband who cherishes me. Cutting the grass for him is no sacrifice.

I am thankful for my oldest daughter. She is coming into her first glimpse of womanhood. She struggles with her attitude but she loves me and enjoys my company. I love having her to talk to.

I am thankful for my oldest son. He has a tender heart and a longing to know God. He thinks about things and asks deep questions. I love praying with him.

I am thankful for my youngest daughter. She is so sure of herself. And when she doesn't know the right way to do something, she asks. I love watching her learn.

I am thankful for my youngest son. He is a problem solver and explorer. He loves to try new things and play by himself. He is a delight to spend time with.

I am thankful for my in-laws. They love me and support me. And they give my kids the best presents.

I am thankful for my sister. She completes me in very cool way. I love co-parenting each others kids. She takes care of me. And in many ways, motivates me. I need her.

I am thankful for many, many other things. More things than I have space to note. All these things are blessings. Blessings that I deserve in no way. Blessings that point me to my Savior. My heart wells up within me. I can cast my cares upon him for he cares for me.

Gotcha!

I finally bought a new baby monitor. I need one because I spend a lot of time outside and I need to be able to hear what my kids are doing inside. Maggie and Ty discovered it and decided to do some spying. They hid one end in the laundry room so they could hear Kim, Terri and my conversation. They had no idea that I saw them do this. Time for some fun....

I whispered to Kim and Terri that Maggie and Ty were listening and then I winked. I started out by stating that Maggie's attitude had been bad lately (which it has - the element of truth). I then went on to say that I was at my whits end. I'd done everything I knew to do and was at a loss as to what to do next. Then I asked for suggestions.

Terri sat there like a deer in the headlights. She had no idea what to say. Kim on the other hand is an evil genius. She suggested one of those special camps for kids with bad attitudes. The ones where they have to be isolated from their friends and family, where they have to get up early, etc. I responded with praise but then was concerned about the cost. Kim said they had work study programs. "What, " I said, "Like cleaning toilets and stuff?" (silent laughter from the mothers) Kim said that Maggie could work off the cost and maybe I should send Ty to the 'boy camp' just to head off any trouble from him. And that I could get a discount if I send them both at the same time. (inspired!) But the only problem is that they have to stay at the camp for 3 months... no phone calls or visits or anything!

About that time, Maggie came very slowly around the corner of the hallway, her eyes huge and concerned. "Momma?" she asked weakly. At that point Kim, Terri and I died laughing. I reached out and took her hand and said, "Gotcha! That's what you get for spying on adult conversations!" Maggie started laughing and said that we had, indeed, gotten them. She said that she and Ty had at first gotten indignant about us talking about their attitudes. But they sobered up real quick when scrubbing toilets were mentioned.

I love tormenting my kids like that. We all, kids included, had a huge laugh about it. It still makes me smile.

In. Out. In. Out.

Have you ever had a particular problem or sin that you are so tangled up in that you can't tell which way is up? I have one. I'd try to explain but it's so confusing your eyes would bleed. When I try to examine this sin, I can't tell where good motivation ends and fear begins.

I've tried to use my fear as a motivator but to no avail. I've tried using self-control, will power, check lists, post-it notes, memory verses, diaries, etc. Nope. Didn't help. Talk to a friend about it. Nu-uh. Pray... beg God to take it away. Nope. Self-loathing, beating myself down. No help at all.

After years of this, I come to a very stark and simple place. If I don't like the way I am, if I have Biblical reason not to, doesn't that mean God wants me to change? And if the answer to that question is yes, how? Why is it so complicated?

Have you ever held hands with someone so long that when you look down, you can't tell which fingers are yours and which are his? As I look at this sin, I cannot see the division between the Spirit's work and my own self-sanctification. Self-sanctification is sin. It is me, battling my flesh with my flesh. Not gonna work. I hate the sin. SO much. I want it gone. I want it gone so much that I'm not willing to entrust it to God.

Deep breath. What's that verse? In my weakness He is strong. I am impatient. I want instant sanctification. I don't want to have to practice the spirtual disciplines. Trusting God for each breath, each bite, each step.

Today as I took a step of faith, I was almost immediately haunted by this floating sense of ... something. This desire to strategize, to plan, to syche myself up. "I can do this." What is this specter, this ghost that's breathing down my neck? The answer? Me. Self trying to do God's job. So I did my bit and repented the entire time.

Trust is as simple as breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Yet, I want a strategy, a way to be in control. Reminds me of a scene from The Abyss. This woman has to put on this helmet, that once on, will fill with a special gel-type liquid. It enables her to breathe in water or keeps her lungs from collapsing under the pressure of being so deep in the ocean or something like that. Anyways, she has to breathe liquid. She knows that it's not going to kill her. She knows how it will turn out but when her lungs start filling up with the stuff, she panics. Fights against it with all her might. Once she calms down, she's fine. She's able to carry out her mission. Trusting God's a lot like that. I know He's going to take care of me. I know that He is making me beautiful. But that simple act of letting go - of ruthlessly trusting Him with something so important to me is hard.

I know I will breathe Him in. That He's already there. I am floating in Him. He surrounds me. I have nothing to fear. Simple trust. He says, "Do this." Okay. I do it. One step at a time. In. Out. In. Out. Focused on Him and His voice.

Problems And Life

Blogger is having some problems. I haven't been able to get on and post for several days. Since I finally made it to my dashbaord, I'll try to make it quick before I lose it again.

Brody rode a motorcycle for the first time yesterday. Barry came over for the better part of the day, visited, ate lunch and then gave rides. Brody had on his cowboy boots, which he kept propped up on the shocks. Very cute. Barry rode Gracie and Ty up and down the road. Brody rode around the yard a time or two. He liked it very much. After he had ridden, it was Ty's turn. When Ty got on the bike, Brody gave him instructions... "Hold on to his shirt, Ty." and "Sit down, Ty." Ty was cracked up. Maggie was at Kim's and didn't get a ride. She was sad. And jealous. BTW, thank you Barry. We had fun. Hope you did too.

We got DSL. It's nice but has definite kinks that need working out.

My friend Bekah is back in Birmingham after living away for years. Her husband is in the Air Force and is having to do one year overseas unaccompanied. His name is Eric. Please pray for his safety and spiritual well-being while he's away from his family. Pray for Bekah and their girls too. Very lonely time.

I am teaching at our homeschool Co-op next year. Scary! I want to get all my planning done this summer. I'm going to try to get all my worksheets done and copied, all my experiments planned and laid out... get it finished except for the teaching of it. Maybe I won't procrastinate and actually follow thru on my grand plans. Then again, maybe not.

Our foster dog, Gabriel got attacked by fleas and ticks last week. Holy cow! It was crazy. One day - fine. Next day - not so much. It took lots of time and money to get him back to normal. He was pitiful. He's fine now, but geez, what a mess. It wasn't just the dog either. We pulled 4 ticks off Ty and had to treat our house for fleas. It was like one of the Egyptian Plagues. Hopefully it's over now.

Well, that's all for now. My deep spiritual musings will have to wait for the kids to go to bed. Since I started this post 30 minutes ago, Brody has poured paint all over the place, Maggie and Gracie have had a fight and I've answered the phone 3 times.(one of the bad aspects of getting rid of dial-up)Have a lovely day and smile cause you're not me! ;o)

Gracie's New Accomplishment

Gracie and I have differing opinions about her new accomplishment. She has finally figured out how to whistle. Lovely. She whistles all the time. My least favorite place is in the van.

Today on the way to Kim's, she whistled the whole way... all 25 minutes. And I have a headache. We were almost there when she found a new frequency. She said "Momma! Listen.. when I whistle like this it hurts my ears." "Yes dear, it hurts my ears too." *ear piercing whistle* "Gracie, could you please not do that anymore? Thank you."

New Link

Adam came over for lunch after church today. He's so much fun... we laugh the whole time he's here. His fiance, Jessica, left yesterday for a 2 month missions trip to Thailand. Pray for them both. Anyways, he showed us his MySpace page. It's really cool and has a jazzy version of a song he sang in church recently. The song title is Inside This Skin. Adam's solo space is in a link at the bottom of this link.

http://myspace.com/actofcongress

Here's a seriously grainy picture of Brody with his ENT, Dr. Schmitt. Or as the kids call her, Dr. Kim. We love her! 

Brody had surgery today. He had to have a permanent tube placed in his left ear. This picture was taken in his room at the hospital, notice the little gown he's wearing. Also notice the Versed (sp?) induced grin on his face. 

Maggie

My oldest child is hilarious. Go to their blog and read her spelling sentences. I'm still laughing.

Silliness

Brody told me some things tonight.

"Dinosaurs are louder than airplanes."

"Tigers are big and they go roar."

"I want to go to Ellas' and see the dinosaurs." I think he means the Land Before Time cause Scott and Kim aren't that old.

A New Memory Made

For my birthday, my wonderful in-laws gave me money. Now some people may say that money is too impersonal, too generic. The people who say that obviously have money because a gift of money to someone who usually has none is a beautiful thing. I know all my poor friends are nodding right now.

Anyway, I got birthday money. And "The Code of Spending Birthday Money" clearly states that it cannot be spent on bills or anything too practical. It's free money. Splurge money. Burn-A-Hole-In-Your-Pocket money.

I had a big decision to make. Should I spend it on clothes? Nah, I have enough. Music? Can't think of a cd that I really want. A pedicure? No way, that's gone in a few weeks, never to be enjoyed again. A nice little field trip? Are you kidding me? Then all of the sudden, it hit me. I have been wanting a flower bed in front of my house ever since we moved in. But we've never had any extra money that we could spend on it.

As usual, there was a problem. I know absolutely nothing about flowers. But my Granny does. So I called her and asked if she'd come help me. My Dad told me that it'd tickled her for me to ask. She excitedly agreed to help me.

Thursday was the day. Dad brought her and the tiller over and we got to work. While Chris was tilling up the area (no small feat in our clay yard... Thank you baby), Granny and I headed out to the nursery. We spent an hour walking around while she taught me which plants I should buy and why. I learned that the color of hydrangeas is determined by it's soil... I had no idea. I also learned how to divide plants, prep the soil and find a ripe watermelon. Very cool! We talked and laughed and cut up. Loads of fun.

Then came the planting. She dug the holes with the hoe and I put the plants in. She got a little exasperated with me at one point because I wasn't packing the dirt down around the plant hard enough. She made me come over to where she was and then said, "Now watch me. See here? You take these two fingers and press down. It's not that hard!" "Hard" meaning complicated. In other words, "Your ignorance is annoying. Please try to keep up." But, hey, that's Granny. She's one opinionated lady... but in a nice way.

We got it all planted and stood back to admire. It's very lovely. Money well spent. I think next year I'll get a birdbath. And then my stupid, retarded dogs decided to come make themselves comfortable. Have you ever tried to drag a hundred pound dog out of a soft soil without ruining flowers? It ain't easy. After doing this a couple of times, Dad and I decided to put up the electric fence. Gabriel caught on immediately. Molly on the other hand... she's a bit slow. It's still not completely understood by her.

Thinking back on the day, I realized that I'd made lots of memories with my Granny. I learned so much. And I made her laugh a lot. She made me laugh a lot. And I saw again that I'm a lot like her. And in my opinion, that's a very good thing.

My Redneck Weekend

I know I've already posted about our Stone Mountain trip. But that was just the bad parts. We really had fun. Even though it rained and we couldn't camp.

You see, we had a free night's camping. Which was great since none of us had hardly any money. But like I said, it rained. For most of the day. Really hard. My blankets and chairs that were on the roof got soaked. So, like good mothers, we improvised. We decided to stay at a hotel. So I called and made a reservation. I told them that I needed a room off by itself, away from other people.

So, by 7:30 that night, we piled into room 327 at the hotel .... all 11 of us. We felt like the Darlin's off the Andy Griffith Show. It took 3 luggage dollies to get all of our stuff in the room. We had to bring in 7 sleeping bags, 10 pillows, 2 ice chests, a cooler, 4 suitcases, 2 back packs, 2 cosmetic cases, a guitar and various toys. Not to mention 11 people. It was hysterical!

The kids were informed not to speak or make any noise on the way to the room. We came in the side door, went up the elevator and dashed to the room. Once inside, all the kids parked it on the beds, watching SpongeBob Squarepants, while the moms made sandwiches out of the stuff in the coolers.

The kids slept in their sleeping bags on the floor, while the moms got the beds. Air conditioning, cable tv, and a kickin breakfast buffet... who could ask for anything more?

As I've said before, parenting is 90% manipulation. It's all in the way you present things. Once Kim, Cathy and I decided we were going to have fun, the kids fell right in with us. No one whined or complained or fought. They all had a blast. There were moments when we could have been embarrassed or angry, but instead we decided to have fun. And inspite of the cramped space and the lack of spending money and the police interrogation, it was one of the most fun weekends I've had with my kids.

What is This World Coming To?

This is what I was asking myself this past weekend.

You see... Kim, Cathy(my new neighbor) and I took the kids, all 8 of them, to Stone Mountain. Kim and I have family passes and go fairly often. Anyway, we went. There was some kind of youth choir competition going on, which meant a lot of unsupervised kids running around. Mostly it wasn't a problem. But then in The Great Barn, a kid attraction, we all kept getting pummeled by balls. By other adults. There are a dozen signs telling you not to throw the balls. And the little kids weren't. It was the adults. One man was bullying kids and grown ups alike. And when asked to stop, threw balls right in your face. Stupid man! Once that group left, we all had much more fun.

But the most memorable part of the day was when I almost got arrested. It happened like this...

Towards the end of the day we took the kids to the Treehouse Challenge to play while we sat and talked. After about an hour, Kim and Cathy went shopping while I sat with the kids. I had taken Bren, Ellas, Gracie and Brody to the little wading stream. We were having fun walking around in the cool water and visiting with other people. Then this lady brings her boys over. I found out later that they were her grandsons. These boys were out of control. They were running, pushing, splashing and yelling. I kept looking over at the woman, who was watching them and doing nothing about it. One family just got their shoes on and left because the boys were taking all the fun out it for them.

After one of the boys almost knocked Brody down for the second time, I put my hand out, stopped him and told him to quit. That's when grandma decided to say something. To her grandson? Oh no. To me. She started yelling at me to not touch her grandson and that if I have a problem I need to tell her. I asked her why she hadn't done something about it herself, she was sitting there watching him be obnoxious. But all she kept doing was getting louder and more hateful. It became clear to me that she was one of those that cannot be reasoned with, so I apologized. I said, "I'm sorry that it upset you. Next time, I'll just leave." I apologized sincerely at least 10 more times but she would not even acknowledge my apologies. She went to the people running the attraction and reported me. The man told her there wasn't anything to be done.

Once she walked away, I got the kids shoes back on them and left. As we passed her at the entrance, she told the little boy that if he saw Gracie again she wanted him to hit her as hard as he could. Why? I have no earthly idea.

The kids were all whining about being hungry and thirsty so we went to the van. I got drinks and stuff out of the cooler for the kids and went to call Kim to tell her we were at the van when a policeman approached me. This crazy woman had called the cops and wanted me arrested for assaulting her grandson! Oh yes.

I was stunned and more than a little terrified. I told the policeman what had happened. He was very nice and reassuring. He listened to Brendan's side of it and then had us fill out statements. Kim and Cathy got there and were appalled. Cathy suggested to the policeman that pictures needed to be taken of the boy. The policeman told us that this woman was screaming and ranting. Her grandsons were climbing the fences and tearing things up while she was yelling at the police. And when he radioed the other policeman to tell him to take a picture of the boy, the woman couldn't even find him. There I had been with 8 kids, all quiet and obedient and she couldn't even control 2.

Finally, they convinced her that she had no valid complaint and she was making a fool of herself. She found her grandsons and left. It was the most insane thing that has ever happened to me. For as long as I live, I'll never forget her insane babbling or hateful spewings. Or the police coming to my van. Or the fear in the kids eyes. It was scary. I remember telling Maggie that we had to trust God to be our defender and protector. We prayed and waited for God to reveal the truth. Which he did.

What is this world coming to when adults teach children to disregard the feelings of others or even do violence to them? There was so little respect for one another that day. But then the next day was quiet and fun. The manager who had tried to help me and the police greeted us at the gate and wished us a better day. People were helpful and friendly. It was completely different.

So that was my weekend. Good, bad and ugly.

Comedy

A glimpse of why I say that the interior of my van sounds like the inside of a schizophrenic's head:

Kim to me: It was good to see Shae.

Me to Kim: I know. I'm glad she came to the wedding.

Notice this is a private conversation between two adults.

Maggie: Who came to the wedding?

Me: Shae.

Gracie: Who?

Me: Shae.

Gracie: Shae came to the wedding?

Me: Yes.

Gracie: I didn't see her.

Me: That's because she didn't stay for the reception.

Maggie: Who didn't stay for the reception?

Me: Shae. (Feeling a little exasperated)

Gracie: Why didn't she come to the reception?

Me: I don't know.

Gracie: Didn't she want cake?

Me: I don't know.

-slight pause-

Ellas: Who's Shae?

Me to Kim: Please shoot me.

Wedding Day

My 1st cousin, Dustin, got married today.

He was the biggest brat when he was little. I was 9 when he was born and by the time he was 3 I just knew he would grow up to be a convicted felon. But amazingly, he didn't. He is now a lovely man with a deep love for the Lord. God is good.

Preparation for his wedding was a bit tedious for those of us on the fringe. Gracie was a flower girl (the prettiest flower girl E-V-E-R!) But we were left out of the communication loop a lot. Not anyone in particular's fault but it happened. Gracie showed up in flip-flops because we were told they were going to be barefoot. Guess what? Plans had changed and no one called me. I stressed for a minute but then decided, what does it really matter? So my little lovely was barefoot and looked like an angel.

The wedding took place in the middle of about 100 acres of field, on top of a high hill. It was completely surrounded by pasture and trees and wildflowers and looked like something out of a movie. Absolutely breathtaking. The reception was under a massive tent with lights, a dance floor, and bookoodles of food. Prime rib, chicken, sausage balls, fruit, a potato bar. It was rockin'! I'm glad we were a part of it.

I got to thinking about marraige being a symbol of my relationship with God. The words that come to mind after that wedding are: excitement, beauty, tearful joy, pleasure, anticipation, hope, blind trust. Am I in love with Christ that way? Am I in love with Chris that way?

I am a bride. No matter my age or size or beauty. I am a bride. Glowing, happy, powerful, content. I am looked on as a beautiful. I am cherished. I am thankful.

Hello?

The telephone..... This is one of those things that I just don't get too het up about. ('Het up' being a phrase of my Grandmother's meaning excited) I am, by nature, a people pleaser. But when it comes to the telephone, I just don't care all that much.

Now when Chris reads this, he's going to disagree. He thinks that I'm too attached to it. He thinks that because I answer it when it rings. He is of the opinion that phones are a waste of time and money and that it probably causes cancer anyway... so why use them? He would rather drive the 40 minutes to downtown Birmingham and just take the chance that whatever store he's going to will have what he needs instead of calling ahead.

I, on the other hand, use it at my convenience but I don't tote it around with me. Sometimes I even turn the ringer off. God forbid! We have a cell phones but Chris and I combined use less than 400 minutes a month.

I know it angers many of my friends that I'm hard to reach and for that I am truly sorry. But phones annoy me sometimes. There are times that I enjoy it but if I'm involved in something already and the phone rings, I'm probably not going to answer. Sorry. Sue me.

In The Still of The Morning

Some days, time seems to speed by. I guess I should have said, "most days." And then, out of the blue, I am blessed with a day that creeps by.

Today was a creeper. I got my house clean, played with the kids, cut the grass, made about a dozen pints of strawberry jam(with Kim's help of course) and did a crossword puzzle. I visited my new neighbor, cooked supper and planned some WIC stuff. Now I'm blogging. And I never felt the least bit rushed. Days like today are a rare blessing and I for one don't take them for granted.

Most days I do my Bible study time at night after the kids are asleep. But today, I just woke up before the kids and sat and read my Bible. No studying, no lesson planning, just reading. God and I had a little time together, just the two of us. It was lovely. And I realized all over again that all my time with Him doesn't have to be earnest seeking or needy thirsting. Sometimes it can be quiet intimacy. Comforting. Familiar. Quiet. Sweet.

Today was a day for a "Good morning, Father." And he said "Good morning" back. All day long.

Things Heard At My House

These are actual things that have been said at my house. Some are hard to believe but, well, believe it.

Brody get out of the dryer.

What did you flush?

Momma, he hit me back!

Why are you on the refrigerator?

Do not shoot your sister with a bb gun!

I’m bleeding again!

Do not pee in my flower pots!

Why is there nail polish on the baby?

Don’t sit on your brother’s head.

Can I use this knife for just a minute?

Moooommmaaa, Ellas fell off the porch again!

Don’t throw up on the carpet! Go to the hard floor.

Can I have this egg to play with?

Momma, you have got to come see Ty's poop!

But my all time favorite is....

"Momma, we need a lighter and a pair of scissors."

To which I replied, "Um..., no you don't."

Catch-up

Time for catching you all up on my wonderfully exciting life. Right, uh-huh.

Let's see... Maggie had a birthday. She's 10 now. Good grief. I'm getting old.

My stupid dog Molly got a root stuck in her mouth. It got wedged in the back of her mouth. She could swallow and breathe but not eat. Boo and I held her down while Chris used pliers to "unstick" it. She's a sweet dog though. She never even growled. She's still goofy though.

We celebrated Passover last week. One word... A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It's such a powerful feast to celebrate. If you've never done it, you're missing a big chunk of Easter and Communion. I think the thing that strikes me every time is how God had a plan. If the Passover feast pointed to Christ all those years before he came, it proves that God has a plan. Not a plan 'B' or an idea. My life is in his control and good will. Makes me happy.

Brody has started potty training. Yeah!!!!! (wild clapping is heard) He tried to take himself potty the other day, but he's still not tall enough to use the toilet. So he ended up peeing on the front of the toilet and making a puddle in the floor. Lovely. Hey, but at least he's trying. Maybe I should lay down newspapers.

Easter was a beautiful day. Not just the weather but the whole of it. We went to church and then to Jasper to see my grandparents. All my cousins were there. One cousin has a little girl about a year younger than Brody named Anna Grace. She's a cutie. She calls Brody "boy". Brody calls her "baby". It was like being in a Tarzan movie - boy and baby. I'll post a picture of them.

Every week my aunt lays out my Nanny's clothes for her. So for Easter, she had a complete outfit laid out. That afternoon, I overheard many whispered conferences on how Nanny had worn the completely wrong outfit. Conjectures of her Ahlzeimer's were thrown about. I went to the front porch to sit with Nanny and offered a compliment on her pretty suit that she had worn. It really was pretty. Well the knee-high stockings could've be done without but that's neither here nor there. She rubbed the sleeve and said, "Thank you. I've always liked it. It wasn't what I was supposed to wear though." I asked why she wore it then. Her response was "because I didn't like what was laid out, so I changed it." Cracked me up. Her Dad used to say, "I'm young enough to think it up and old enough to get away with it." I say.... Go Nanny!

Kim and I took the kids to the nursing home to see Aunt Dicie. It broke my heart. She's lost weight and seems depressed. They bathe her everyday but she's stuck in that bed. She can't walk and they don't take her for rides in a wheelchair. It made me angry. So, we're going back and taking her for a walk. We're also sending her pictures and cards. And next visit, we're taking a pretty comforter for her bed. Please pray for her. She needs it. They keep her healthy and clean but there's not much kindness and love.

All these things point me to Christ and heaven. In heaven there are no stupid dogs, no roots to gag us, no Ahlzeimers, no nursing homes and no puddles in the floor. Come, Lord Jesus, come!

Ha La La La De Day

Who of you reading this post felt the urge to hum when you read the title?

Only those of you who are U2 fans. It's a line from the song Running To Stand Still. Which, in case you wanted to know, is the 5th track on their cd The Joshua Tree.

I have loved U2 since junior high. Their music is lyrical and strong. And somehow timeless. It sounds just as good now as it did in 1987. Funny story: I was at the grocery store doing some much needed shopping. Unfortunately, the store had decided to send all its shoppers on a scavenger hunt. As I made my third cross-store trip for something that had been moved, I realized that the musac tune playing on the in-store radio was U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For". How appropriate. It made me laugh.

That's all. I just wanted to share.

P.S. Bono is highly overrated. Nobel prize?

Do This In Remembrance of Me

We had Communion in church yesterday. I love Communion.

Sunday mornings are always busy. I have four kids that must be picked up from their classes. I teach a class. And people always have things to talk to me about concerning Women's Ministry. I love all of it. I love my class and my church family. I love getting settled in our seats and looking around for new visitors to go meet. I love our music.

All of the different aspects of these things swirl around in my head as I sit there. Burt preached about deacons. About the fact that God has called all of us to serve. To live in connection with others. To give of ourselves and our time to serve others. One of the points that he made was that serving increases our faith because when we serve, we are in a deeper communion with Christ. We learn more of him through serving others because he came to serve. We are identifying ourselves with him.

As I sat and listened, I was pierced in my soul. I was cut to the quick over my pride. I know that I serve others, but is the intent of my serving to be more intimate with Jesus? Or is it to feel good? When is "serving" a natural talent and when is it an exercise of my faith?

Then it was time for communion. I felt overcome by my shallowness, my selfishness. I could hear Burt telling me to come to Christ's table and I sat there fighting to find Him. My sin felt like it was pushing me under, the water was murky. I tried concentrating really hard. "Picture the cross." .... "God where are you? I can't find you here."

Then the still small voice said, "Be still." And the image of being at the lake when I was a kid immediately came to mind. Stomping around in the water's edge, seeing the mud churn up and make the water thick and cloudy. Then I could picture myself in the water, swinging my arms around frantically trying to find the surface. Working. Striving. Struggling. Then the voice, "Be still."

In my mind and spirit and body, I took a deep breath and stopped... Breathe... Wait. The water clears if you quit churning up the bottom. And there He was. Like seeing the sun shining down on the surface of the water, he was there looking at me.

Like with Peter. Peter denied him three times, each more vehement than the last. And at the last, Jesus turned and looked at him. Then he went to the cross and died. Knowing that the only one brave enough to follow him at all had just denied knowing him. And yet... he still died.

Knowing all my sin, pride, shallowness, selfishness, he died. He told me, "Take this, my body, broken for you, eat. Take my blood, shed for your redemption, drink." And I ate. And drank. And received his mercy anew. I was fed. I was full. My sin no longer overwhelmed me, pulling me under, making the water murky. Suddenly, Christ was so much bigger than my sin. The burden of it fell away like dead weight. And I floated to the surface to bask in his light. Free. Loved. Cherished. Remembering.

Odds and Ends

Today, I saw a cloud that looked just like Spot the Puppy. You know that book series? Well, anyway, the cloud was shaped just like him.

Today was Kim's birthday. We all went out to the Dragon to eat. (The Dragon is the world's absolute best chinese eatery ever!) The boys then came home with Chris and I so that Kim and Scott could have a date. Ellas got a little upset at first cause he wanted his momma. Ty comforted him. The conversation went a little something like this:

Ellas: Why can't I go with her?

Ty: They're going on a date.

E: What are they gonna do, kiss?

T: Probably. You know they can do that cause they're married.

E: Yeah, I know. That's pretty gross.

T: They might even Indian kiss.

E: What's that?

T: That's where they open their mouths and touch tongues.

At this, there was much groaning and gagging noises. I was crackin up. I asked Ty where he'd heard that. He said from Maggie, but she's denying all. So for the rest of the day, Chris and I would wait for a captive audience and then he's ask me (or I'd ask him) if I wanted an Indian kiss. Of course I would say yes and we'd come at each other with really wide open mouths and our tongues hanging out. The kids would scream and hide their faces and beg for mercy. Chris and I had way too much fun grossing them out.

I randomly thought of a question.... if you get Rogaine on your face and hands when you're washing your hair, do you get really thick facial and knuckle hair?

I talked to Amber for a while tonight. I love cell phones. It was really nice to just hear her voice. It made me admire all those people who left home to settle the west. Some of them never saw or heard their families again. Wow, that's hard.

Why do land developers call themselves that? Cause their not. They build mass settlements and scalp the land. I hate it. I mean, I really hate it! It's so ugly and unnecessary. Why can't they just leave a few trees? And why are the houses so close together? Do you really want your next door neighbor to be able to hear you go to the bathroom or yell at your kids? Not me!

Last thing... Brody's new thing is to say "Oh Man!" It is absolutely the most comical thing I've seen in a long time. He'll cross his arms over his chest, drop his chin and whine "Oh Man!" Cracks me up.

Well, I'm going to bed now. And tomorrow, Kim and I are taking the kids camping at Stone Mountain. And the fun part is we're taking Terri too. Ha! She's so fru-fru. I can't wait. But I do admire her willingness to learn for the sake of David and the kids. I'll try to get a picture of it. It should be funny. She hates dirt, bugs and woods... all of which are there in abundance when you camp!

Good night!

Oh The Things We Can Think

Dr. Suess wrote a book with that title. But I'm thinking more along the lines of 'Oh the Things We Can Learn'. It's amazing the things that I learn when I'm preparing a lesson for my kids. This week we're studying the Byzantine Empire. Sounds a little dull at first but it's pretty interesting. Justinian was a cool guy.

Last week we studied monks and monasteries of Britian. The kids got to make quills out of wild turkey feathers... btw, thanks Bill. They used different things for ink: grape juice concentrate, ground hickory shells, etc.

Next week, we'll study the "Islamic Invasion" of around 700 AD which should raise some good theological questions from the kids.

Lots of learning going on in the Sharp home... most of it mine. ;o)

3 Kinds of People

In my opinion, there are 3 basic kinds of people.

The first kind are the people who notice if even one thing in their home is out of place and cannot sleep until it's put back in order. These people are called freaks.

The next kind are the people who don't even notice that things are growing in their refrigerator or bathtub and wouldn't care if they did notice. These people are called slobs.

The third and last kind are the people who notice things are out of place but don't have the compulsion to make it perfect. They have relatively clean homes that look lived in yet comfortable. Their toilets are cleaned once a week, the fridge is emptied once a month, and the floors are vacuumed when the dirt starts sticking to their socks. They want to be freaks but think of themselves as slobs.... these people are called normal.

Being Stubborn

We have a rental property. We've had it for a number of years and to be honest, it's a bit of a hassle. It's worth it but it can be a pain. We don't make any money off of it but it can be used to help people. We're about to rent it out again and have to redo the power service connection. When Chris tried to get under the trailer, we discovered boxes of junk had been stored under there. They've been there for who knows how long and are now infested with spiders and antbeds. AAHHHH!!! I have to get under there today while Chris is sleeping and clean it out so that the meter can be installed tomorrow.

In this situation, my attitude stinks. I know it and feel completely entitled to it. I mean, renters should have integrity. If they owe you money, they should pay. If they're supposed to clean it up when they move, they should clean. If they're supposed to empty the refrigerator, they should empty it - not let it sit there with no power to it for 2 weeks until I discover it on my own. Gross! People should keep their promises. Even if they don't feel like it.

As I sit here, I know I'm being stubborn. I know I'm being judgemental. I know, in my head, that I'm in sin. But it feels completely justified. So what do I do? Wallow a little more? Maybe. Forgive? I don't wanna.

How does one forgive anyway? I always thought it was this sort of condescending practice of letting someone off the hook. Or maybe even making excuses for them. That's always been my favorite. But I have come to realize that forgiving someone else has more to do with my sin that theirs. It's me forcing my eyes to be open to all my sins and admitting that I'm just as bad as the person who wronged me. Spiritually, it feels like Brody looks when I'm trying to give him antibiotics: mouth and eyes clenched shut, hands balled into fists, trying to get away. I know that my medicine(the gospel) is my only hope but I'd rather be sick than repent. Sad, isn't it?

To see my own sinfulness, makes the sin of others look pale in comparison. To see the great, great love of God towards me while I was still dead in my sins leads me straight to forgiveness. To forgive, gives me the freedom to clean up their mess without anger. Sure they're still wrong, they should have kept their word but that's between them and God. I can feel empathy for someone stuck in their sin. After all, that describes me most of the time.

Somethin Ain't Right

Are some kids just more aggressive by nature than others? Or is it some flaw in my parenting skills? Or is it both?

I sense a glaring blind spot in my life and no matter how hard I try to see it, I just can't. I pray and listen. I examine and compare. I feel it there, just out of sight.

Part of me wants to grab ahold of it and figure it out. The other part of me is afraid to know. Because, obviously, that discovery will show me my sin, insecurities, and failures. I don't like being embarassed. But I know I'm screwing up and not sure in what way.

I don't need advice or encouraging comments. I know God will show me in his time. And I know that he takes care of my kids no matter what I do. All this pressure I put on myself is unnecessary. Why do I still feel it then?

I guess I'm double-minded. I want to be perfect... for my own purposes. But at the same time,
I want to be holy... for the glory of God. I don't want my kids to have to overcome me in order to have a relationship with God. I want to show them the way to Christ. But come to think of it, the best way to do that is by showing them how the Gospel applies to my failures and successes.

So, at the end of my rambling, I see Christ. I see that this struggle is a part of my sanctification that he is in control of. I see him drawing my kids and I can't take credit for it. I feel encouraged and yet still fuzzy. He is here in the midst of my sin and confusion. He is here.

Homebody

People who know me think I'm a liar when I say that I'm a homebody. But I really am. I love being at home.

Kim is all the time talking me into going places. You see, I'm the extrovert and Kim's the introvert. But I like being at home and she likes keeping the roads hot. Whenever she talks me into a road trip, I end up doing all the talking and she just sits and watches me. Well, of course, that's not true... she does her share of talking. But I'm the dominant sister in public. At home's a different matter. But that's a whole other blog.

Yesterday, I was sitting in my lovely green armchair, reading my new Reader's Digest. Chris was busy with a project at the kitchen table, Brody was asleep, and the other kids were playing Legos. (They were trying to build Celtic warrior sets) Life was peaceful.

It was then I realized that the majority of our time spent at home is peaceful. The kids don't fight all that much... they have their moments but not lots. They enjoy each other for the most part. But when I take them out in public, all bets are off. They get bored and bickery.

As I sat there, it occurred to me that I like being at home because I can enjoy my kids when we're at home. Sometimes I like going places, but only when the urge is overwhelming or necessary. (I do not take my kids grocery shopping... we will eat grass and sticks first. They are panic attack-causing in a grocery store.) I like having people over to my house. That way I can enjoy my kids and my friends.

There are a few exceptions to this rule. Dad's, Kim's and Margaret's. The kids are used to being there and they have stuff to do. Kim Hill's is getting to be that way.


Side Note:
We ate at Boo and Evan's again last night. Much better this time. No spilled wax or near death experiences. I have to tell you, their cat is amazing. Brody played ball with it for thirty minutes. I'm not kidding. Brody would roll a golf ball to it, it would swat it around and then roll it back. Another game was Brody rolling the ball down the hall and the cat would reach it's paw under the office door and try to grab the ball. Brody would scream and laugh until he had the hiccups. Very funny!

That's the news from The Sharp Life. Night.

I'm Back

Well, I'm back. What a week. Very busy and demanding but oh so fun. Prepare for a long post.

Monday, I took the kids to my Mother's parent's house. My PawPaw has dementia and my Nanny has Alzheimer's. They are beginning to fade away. These are the grandparents who took us on summer vacations to Disney, Six Flags, Gatlinburg, Stone Mountain and Opryland. Now, they can't remember my kids names. The whole situation makes me recognize the futility of this life and then I hope for heaven.

Tuesday, we went on up to my Dad's mother. Granny is in her eighties and almost exactly as she was when I was a kid. She may be a bit slower but she's still just as mean. Well, not mean... just very opinionated. She cracks me up. She has a certain way of doing things and you just need to back up and let her do them. Kim and I call it her 'groove.' "Don't throw Granny off her groove!" She loves to laugh and the older I grow, the more I realize that I'm a lot like her. It makes me happy.

Wednesday, we headed back to Birmingham. I knew I wouldn't have time to go all the way home, so I went to Kim Hill's house. Brody took a nap while the other kids played outside. It was lovely! Isn't it funny how some friendships sorta sneak up on you? Our's is that way. At first glance, it doesn't look like we have much in common but wow, we're so much a like. Only she's much prettier. She is a faithful friend to me. God uses her to teach me a lot. Like fashion. She and I loaded all 7 kids up and went to Cato. It's a clothing store. She picked out the cutest top for me to buy to wear to the Day of Whimsy. I looked good. Thank you, Kim.

Wednesday night, we spent the night with Chris' grandmother as usual. It was fun. I get to watch cable at her house. Which means I stay up way too late watching HGTV.

Thursday and Friday were spent completely devoted to ironing out details for Saturday. Not tons but enough to keep me busy. Thursday night the place that donated our tables burned to the ground. So early Friday morning was spent getting more. No problem. Very simple. God worked out all the details. Friday night while setting everything up we discovered that the linen service had given us completely unsuitable tablecloths. So Kim and Terri made a mad dash for Sam's to buy some. God, again, worked out the details. We had fun and everything that could be done ahead of time, was done.

Saturday morning, Kayla (my jr. high friend/intern/slave) and I got up at 6:30 and went to the church to finish up and pray. Things got rolling at 9:00 and went really smoothly. God worked out the details. All the members jumped in and did what needed to be done. The visitors seemed to really enjoy themselves, the seminars went well and the luncheon was awesome. The food was yummy and plentiful. Way too much fruit salad though. Mrs. Barker had prepared a lecture but was moved to share her testimony instead. I've never heard a clearer or more compelling Gospel presentation in my life. God really used her words.

All in all, things went well. I didn't feel rushed or stressed. Let me take that back... my stress never became full-blown. ;o) It was amazing to see God use us. He used Kim Hill and Connie in the music and Leslie and Ingrid in the kitchen. And the list goes on and on.

God brought together over 100 women Saturday. And I learned something in a more concrete way... God is in the details.

So Sad and Blue

Well, not really sad and blue but a bit lonesome. Chris has been gone since lunch yesterday and I miss him terribly. He'll be home in about 3 hours but I'll probably be asleep by then. You'd think I'd be used to his being gone after 12 years of working like this. But I still hate it. I still hate being apart for that long.

That's all I wanted to say. And I'm not sure why I wanted to say it to all of cyberspace - but I did. Good night all.

Maggie's Joke

Maggie to our friend Boo: Knock Knock

Boo: Who's there?

Maggie: Boo

Boo: Boo who?

Maggie: Boo - you!

She and Boo found this highly entertaining.

Warning and Welcome

Okay, consider yourself warned. I won't be posting very much this week. I expect to be pretty busy. Remember that Women's Ministry event I talked about a while back? Well, it's next Saturday. It's gonna be really great. Not because of me but because of the amazing women God has placed on the leadership team. They have done sooooo much work. My job is to oversee. So this week will be my busiest. I have to make sure all aspects work together, plus I have to put together and print out programs for the day of.

If you live around here, please come. It's gonna be fun. Seriously.

Today, God gave me a glimpse of how he's sanctifing me. (Is that how you spell that?) I was talking with a friend and I think, simultanously (sorry, can't spell tonight) we realized that God had changed us. It was really neat. I totally see how sinful I am, sometimes it seems worse. I'm aware of my sin more now. But at the same time, I see him changing me. Making me holy. Very lovely experience.

I'm rereading 'Blue Like Jazz'. I really love that book. If you haven't read it, go... run, now. Go find one. It will make you think and God will get bigger. You know what I mean, he's already big but you'll realize it. For instance, on page 8 he says "For me, however, there was a mental wall between religion and God. I could walk around inside religion and never, on any sort of emotional level, understand that God was a person, an actual Being with thoughts and feelings and that sort of thing. To me, God was more of an idea." I know what he means. I can go days sometimes without really thinking about God. I can even read my Bible without thinking about him. I think about religious things or things I've learned about God, but that's not the same. He is real. He is here. He participates in my life, my thoughts. Think. Really think. Acknowledge. Say Hi. It's a start.

One more thing, I don't think I've mentioned this before but I've made two new friends, named Adam and Jessica. They just got engaged. Yeah!!! Anyway, Adam is possibly the most talented musician I've ever met. He can sing, write, perform, play lots of instruments. He's amazing. Wednesday night, I could hear him in Stokes' office, playing the piano. I stuck my head in to say Hi and he was standing with his side towards the piano not looking, playing one handed and carrying on a conversation while he played. That blows my mind. He's got a CD out and he better be working on another one. (That's me being intimidating, in case you missed it.) His web site is part of www.indiecommunity.com Look for his link - Adam Wright.

I'll try to post at some point this week. But if I don't, please don't hate me.

Alternative Uses For Everyday Foods

We hear a lot these days about food being used as fuel. Corn, water, and used cooking oil, things like that. But I have discovered some new uses for food, or rather, my kids have.

1. Grapes make perfect mini-hand grenades.

2. Grapes used as hand grenades also double as really squishy land mines.

3. Grits can strenghten the fibers of carpet when allowed to dry.

4. The chocolate from an ice cream sandwich can be used as a primitive paint. Not unlike cave paintings, only instead of caves, couches.

5. The remainder of a $6.00 bottle of imported olive oil, when mixed with water and glitter makes a great lava lamp.

6. Burned campfire marshmallows double for rubber cement when used, while still hot, to bond gravel to a wrought iron patio set.

7. Carrots, peanut butter and apples can be used to make modern art sculptures.

8. When used creatively, a tablespoon of Slim-Fast powder can completely cover a 3 foot section of countertop and the floor in front of it.

9. Certain drinks, when spilled and allowed to dry, could double as a glue trap for a mouse.

10. A sippy cup full of milk, if allowed to sit under a bed for a month, could be effectively used as a weapon in chemical warfare.

If you don't believe me, let my kids come spend a week with you. I'm sure my little scientists can come up with some more.

Stink

I have a confession. Tonight, while at the talent show at church, my deodorant completely failed me. I went to take my sweatshirt off and almost choked. It was just my left armpit, the right one didn't smell at all. But my right one sweats and my left one doesn't. Chris thinks it's my hormones. He thinks that because this is the longest I've gone without being pregnant or nursing in the past 11 years. I have no idea but it's very annoying.

I leaned over to my friend and apologized, explaining that I had taken a shower this morning and applied deodorant twice. I think I'll call Dr. Mac about it. Anyway, it got me to thinking. There's the obvious truth that this is just like my sin. No matter what I do or how hard I try, I can't cover up the cesspool of my flesh. It eeks out no matter how hard I try to hide it.

But then there's the more subtle thought. The way I felt, the annoyance, the embarrassment - it shows me again that I want to be perfect. Not in a godly way, but in the sense that I want people to see me and think I have it all together. Which, of course, I don't.

The whole situation was ridiculous. But I learned to trust God better. Because, who am I really? Am I defined by my phsical condition? Nope. Am I defined by my sin? Nuh-uh. I am beautiful and loved and righteous. And nothing on this earth can change that. What a relief.

My Day

I started this blog Thursday. Sorry it took so long to post.


I went back to the Oral Surgeon today for my post-op, pathology report. All good. Yeah! Relief.

While at lunch with my Dad at Jim N Nicks, I turned around to look for the waitress and my oral surgeon was sitting right behind me. Isn't that weird? I thought it was.

Kim and I bought groceries. We got to shop with no kids this time. Much faster.

Overall, a good day. Not real interesting but good none the less. Kim and I laughed soooo much. At one point, I lost my breath. It actually hurt. People might have thought we were on something. We missed you Angela. Your name was mentioned a couple of times. Cause you're our soul sister, you can make us laugh.

Anyway, hope your day was good too.

Hypocrisy

Henri Nouwen wrote these words in his journal:

" We who offer spiritual leadership often find ourselves not living what we are preaching or teaching. It is not easy avoiding hypocrisy completely because we find ourselves saying things larger than ourselves. I often call people to a life I am not fully able to live myself. I am learning that the best cure for hypocrisy is community. Hypocrisy is not so much the result of not living what I preach but much more of not confessing my inability to fully live up to my own words."

To me, this is profound. Avoiding hypocrisy entails being open and honest about my struggles. Not trying harder to keep up and cover up. Hmmm. Something to contemplate.

What's Worse Than...

What's worse than a trip to the DMV? Taking 4 kids under the age of 10 with you.

What's worse than a trip to the DMV with 4 kids under the age of 10? Waiting for 30 minutes and then being told that the 'system' is down and I'll have to come back another day.

AAGGHHHH!!!!!!

Sermon Thoughts Vol. 1

I am blessed to hear the best sermons every week. I like to take notes on the sermon outlines we get. I keep them in a drawer at my house and look over them occassionally. It's a good devotional. If you have the opportunity to do the same, I encourage you to do it.

I have a few favorites that I pull out and read semi-regularly. One of them is from way back. It's accompanied by a good story too. I was in the midst of serious conflict, my first as an adult. The year was 1996 around Christmas. As any of you that know me can attest, I hate conflict. And there I was, up to my neck in it. I got to church late and met up with my good friend, Hope, in the parking lot. She could tell I'd been crying and we had a short conversation about what was going on. Then I sat through the singing feeling unsure of myself and really just torn up inside. Guess what the sermon was about? Peace. Burt preached straight to my heart. My notes quote him as saying, "True peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of Christ." And I realized that what I was comfortable with was 'absence of conflict' not a concrete reality of Christ's presence. In that moment, my faith was strengthened and I knew what was required of me. It was a huge, life changing moment. And God used Burt to teach it to me. Have I ever said 'Thank you' to you Burt? I should have. I'll say it now - Thanks for teaching what you learn and speaking truth to us every week. It is appreciated.

I have many more sermons that were specifically meaningful. I'll share more later. It's good for me to read them and learn anew. Plus, I hope you like them.

In this picture, I'd just gotten off the lift. That's Maggie just left off center in the white and purple. If you look just to the right of the evergreens in the very center of the frame, you can see our hotel. It's more of a cream colored blob. ;o) 

This is Kim on the blue lift. Maggie and I were on the seat ahead of her. The three of us skied together most of the time. 

A Lovely Trip

As you can see from the pictures above, we had lots of snow. It was in the low 40's, so it wasn't that cold either. We skiied all day Tuesday and Wednesday. Maggie and Ty were in ski school the first day and then spent the second skiing with Chris and I. Maggie skis like me and Ty is more like Chris, only more fearless. No joke.

Our friends Boo and Evan came with us which was too fun. Kim and Scott came up the day after we did. Evan learned how to ski in about 15 minutes - big turkey. He's really good too. Makes me sick.

Maggie can ski better than me now. And Ty is even better than her. He comes down the black diamonds in a tuck. He knows how to cut back and forth but he says that he can't go fast enough when he does that. So, he just points his skis straight and goes wide open. Next year he must wear a helmet. He scares me.

I executed my one spectacular, required fall. It was, as usual, gorgeous. I was coming down the, to my mind, most insanely steep slope ever. I didn't want to but if I wanted to ski Oz it was the only way down. So down I went - literally. So as to not disappoint my fans, I made sure that I fell in the midst of the most people possible. Everyone had a chance to see and comment. Just as planned. And right on schedule.

The boys had a massive snowball battle. By 'boys' I mean Ty, Bren, Chris and Evan. Brody enjoyed wandering back and forth in the line of fire. He reminded me of a duck in the carnival shooting games. The boys had strategies, berms, forts, shields, and endless amounts of ammunition. The battle lasted almost an hour. At the end of it, everyone was soaking wet and frozen. They came in, took showers and ate some Beef Skillet Fiesta. The perfect end to the perfect day.

Needless to say, the trip was fun, adventurous, beautiful, and maybe a little crazy. No one fought or broke anything. We all laughed and joked. I was very grateful. And after two solid days of being on skis, a bit sore. I'll post more pictures when I get them developed.

Getting Ready For Vacation

As much as I love taking vacations, I hate getting ready for them. I mean, first of all there's all the pressure of packing. If it was just my clothes, it wouldn't be so bad. But I have to make sure that 6 people have everything they're going to need without going overboard. I don't want to have to buy stuff when we get there but I don't want to be so crowded in the van that we can't move. And toy selection is crucial. Just enough of just the right toys that will keep them content for a 7 hour trip. But then again, that's not really possible.

Then there's the 'clean house standard'. You know what I'm talkin' about. My house must be clean. I'm serious. I do not want to be plagued on my trip with the knowledge that my house is a mess. then I know that I have to work the day I get home. No thank you. Add to this the sad fact that, due to my recent surgery and sickness, my house had not been really cleaned in almost 2 weeks. Ugh.

The problem is that I have to do all this meticulous planning and detailed cleaning with 4 freakin' kids up my rear. If I clean the kitchen, in fifteen minutes it's dirty again. Case in point: yesterday, I finally got Brody calm and Maggie cleaning. Ty I had just given up on. My sweet compliant child was possessed, so I sent him to his bed. I made Gracie go ahead and get in the shower. She enjoys it and it keeps her occupied for a while. I was finally making progress on the kitchen when Maggie ran in the room to inform me that the bathroom was flooded. Apparently the plastic shower liner was on the outside of the tub. She had been in the tub for almost 10 minutes, so there was a good 4 gallons of water in the floor. Needless to say, that was a thirty minute detour. That was typical of yesterday.

So now, here I sit afraid to move or my house will get messy. Obsessed with the fear that I've forgotten some vital something for the trip. House clean? check. Diapers? check. Snacks? check. List? completed. I think I'm ready.

Patrick asked me one time why it was that people think that life will be magically different on vacation. Same kids. Same parents. Why do we expect a different response? I'm sure you can all think of different reasons. I think that, for me, it's that we plan trips that we can afford so that we don't have to say 'No' all the time. Isn't that what all kids want? To get what they want. But in my experience, it just makes them greedier.

My somewhat rambling point being: I have to enjoy every moment as if it's the best moment I'll ever have. Because who knows? Maybe it is. And every moment is something straight from the heart of God. Ask my Dad. The darkest, most painful moments in life hold beautiful things. So, I guess I need a chill pill. And be like the Expedia commercials, enjoy the getting ready. And thank God that we get a snow skiing trip in the midst of the 'non-month'.

So, if you want, go to www.skibeech.com this Tuesday or Wednesday and click on "live web cam". You might just see me skidding wildly down the slopes.

The Fall of Man

Yesterday, I felt awful. I had a terrible headache. In my stubborn way, I pushed through it and kept busy. I visited a friend, went to the store, and took the kids to a birthday party for their cousin. We got home at bedtime, just in time to wake Chris up for work. I kept feeling worse and worse. Got Chris off to work and the kids in bed and lay in the bed trying to read a little to relax. As I lay there, a thought occured to me. "This feeling is familiar. Why? What is this feeling exactly?" I thought. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm gonna throw up. This feeling is my body getting ready for it.

Now I don't know about you but I hate to throw up. I fight it for as long as I can. But my stomach was hurting not just nauseous. I couldn't get comfortable. Finally at 3:30, I was ready. And I finally fell asleep around 6:00.

Later in the day, Maggie and Gracie started complaining of stomach pain. As Grace was crying from the pain, she looked up at me and asked, "Momma, why do we have to be sick?" As I looked at her sweet little face contorted in pain, I would have given anything to be able to take it away. All I could say was, "It's because of something called the fall of man. When sin came into the world so did sickness. I wish it wasn't so but it is. And just think.... in heaven everything will be perfect, just like God wants it to be. We won't ever get sick there." I wanted her to understand the difference between there here and now and the soon.

She looked up at me and said, "When can we go there? I wish we were there now." Amen. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Here's our first formal studio pic in many years. We had it made for our pictoral directory at church. Doesn't Chris look handsome? *wink* 

A Little Part To A Big Whole

I watched a special on PBS the other day. You should know that I am addicted to PBS. It's the poor-man's cable. I can watch Brit-coms, forensics shows, mysteries, how-to's, just about anything you can get on cable. And it's free. Can I hear an 'Amen'? Anyways....

The special was about how scientists are working on bringing sight to the blind. One lady who had been blind for years had this belt of equipment with a pair of souped up sunglasses and could begin to see dots of light. Another scientist is working on this little chip with needles sticking out of it that is implanted into the eyeball and basically acts as artificial neurons. You know that toy you can get that has all the nail type things and when you hold it up to your face it makes the shape of it? This device looks like a teeny tiny one of those. Amazing!

The interviewer was asking the man how long before they could test on humans. The scientist said that as a scientist, you have to look at things with a broader view. You have to know that "your life's work may not be fulfilled in your lifetime." That the project he had dedicated his entire life to, would probably not be accomplished in his lifetime. He understood that some things just take a long time.

It reminds me of Copernicus, Kepler and Newton. None of them could have accomplished what they did if they had had to start from scratch. Newton relied heavily upon Kepler's work.

Now as someone who is totally into instant gratification, I find this very convicting. I mean, I don't even cook food that takes longer than thirty minutes to prepare! Chris once told me, in a rather exasperated voice, that I was the most impatient person he had ever met. At the time I was taken aback. Now I can own up to that sin. I am. "Hello. My name is Crissy and I am very impatient. "

Have I ever really understood that I am in the midst of God's master plan? My life is a small part to a very big whole. Something that God started in my great Grandmother may just be accomplished in my lifetime. Something that God starts in my life may not be accomplished until Maggie's grandchildren. Or the next century. Who knows? Am I willing to humble myself enough to enjoy that? What blessings are to be found in knowing that the Master of the ultimate master plan knows my name, my pain, my joy. He knows me intimately. He gives my life meaning in the midst of the universal issues at hand.

In a way, I resist the idea of being small. I remember someone asking my Granddad once why, as a successful business man, he never moved to a bigger city. His response? "I'd rather be a big fish in a small pond. If I moved, I'd just be a small fish in a big pond." Sad to say, but I can identify with that. I think there's something in all of us (pride) that longs to be big and important. And we'll take that validation in whatever form we can. Isn't that the origin of an idol?

I guess the secret of knowing God is being content to be small compared to his greatness. As John the Baptist said, "He must become greater; I must become less." "Only then will I be able to not live in competition with him.

Bored

I'm soooooo bored! My mouth still hurts enough that I have to take pain pills. They make me a little confused. I don't want to go anywhere, but I don't want to stay at home either. I'm sleepy but also tired of sleeping. Reading is hard because of the drug induced confusion. I've seen all the movies I own and have no way of getting more. Plus, it's Saturday so there's nothing on tv. Add to all that my swollen face and you get my situation. Ahhhh, I feel better now that I've gotten all that whine off my chest. ;o)

I got to thinking this morning: How would my situation be different if I'd been born a century ago? I guess I probably would be destined to die. Just think about it. The infection had already eaten through part of my jaw bone. Given time, would it have spread to my bloodstream or my brain? Or would I have just lost all my teeth and my lower jaw? Weird to think about.

It's so quiet here. I'm all by myself. I've been told that I'm not allowed to do any work. I'm not supposed to fold laundry or empty the dishwasher. Instead of feeling guilty about that, I think I'll choose to enjoy it. How shall I do that? Hmmmm. I think I'll go take a nap. Night!

Surgery Update

Just thought if Jawan can update her blog in the hospital, I can update mine the day of surgery. Because Jawan is of course my role model. ;o)

I went in this morning at 9am for my oral surgery. The surgery took about an hour. Dr. O'Neill said that there was more bone loss that he had expected and wanted. The bone loss in my jaw was all the way up to the gum line and had also spread to the back tooth beside it. He had to do a couple of more things than he expected in addition to filling in the hole with bone chips. There's still a risk that I could lose the teeth anyway.

I have six stitches in the left side of my mouth just below my teeth. It hurts but not horribly. I can't open my mouth hardly at all so talking, laughing and eating are a struggle. (keep all comments to yourselves please!) One of my stitches is poking my cheek. Very annoying.

Laura Leigh brought us supper tonight. She was so thoughtful. She cooked a creamy chicken casserole with egg noodles in it and gooey brownies. If I cut the noodles into small pieces I could eat it and the brownies are just as good smushed. Thank you Laura!

Thank you also to my Secret Pal. I loved my gift. She gave me a beautiful teacup and saucer, tea and a great magazine. With a card that read "Get well soon." Thank you for thinking of me.

Well, my jaw is starting to swell and hurt because I can't keep an ice pack on it and type at the same time. It's hard enough to just think and type at the same time. Thanks for checking my blog. And thank you for your prayers. Night!

Nothings

Lortab makes me itch. Now my tooth hurts and I look like I have fleas. I can't quit scratching.

Brody openly defied me today for the first time. He found a piece of gum on the floor in the living room. I told him no but by the time I could run in there he had ripped the wrapper off, tore the gum in half and was trying to shove half in his mouth when I grabbed him. He was highly offended that I wouldn't let him keep it.

My church is getting a lot of young couples in it. They look at me as if I'm some mature woman since I've got 4 kids. Ha! If they only knew that I walk around clueless half the time they wouldn't say that. It's weird how new people perceive me. Everyone else just thinks I'm goofy.

Because I can't chew, I'm living off of soup, Slim-Fast, yogurt and cranberry sauce. Ya know, things I can strain between my teeth and then swallow. It's getting old.

I'm ready for bed. Good night.

Guess What?

My charmed life gets better and better. My tooth that I had the root canal in, not the one I'm having surgery on, is abcessed! It hurts like 'you know what'. Please pray that the antibiotics the doctor called in will work quickly. I'm strugglin'.

Get Off My Back

I know, I know.... it's been a really long time since my last post. I've been really overwhelmed. Life has snuck up and bit me in the butt, again.

I've been busy planning out a new nine week unit study for school. Very time consuming. It's been fun though. The Middle Ages, woo-hoo. I've got the lesson plans done, still working on the tests and worksheets.

In the past six days, two kids have been to the ENT, all six of us have been to the dentist for cleanings, I've had a root canal and a consultation with an oral surgeon. Good news - only Maggie had cavities (just 1), Ty and Brody are better now (they're on antibiotics for sinus infections). Bad news- the root canal couldn't be finished because it kept bleeding so now it's sensitive and Dr. Koplon found a large 'lesion' in my jaw. Come to find out, it's (more than likely) a very large abcess from a dead nerve. The problem is that it's sooooo big. It's never a good sign when your doctor looks at your x-ray and says "Whoa! What's that?!?!?" For a few days Chris and I were dealing with the possibility that it could be a tumor. Needless to say, I was in a quiet mood for a while. I wasn't scared really, just quiet. Long story short, I'm having a root canal on Tuesday and oral surgery next Thursday. Dr. O'Neill will clean out the cyst and fill in the gaping hole with bone chips. Sounds like fun to me!

Seriously though... as Leslie said today "You've had a lot of health type issues lately. Haven't you?" I guess I have and I get really, really tired of it. I don't like pain and being away from my children. I don't like spending money on things I can't enjoy. I don't like not being able to take care of my family. And as I type this I am reminded that wait... it's not all about me. For some reason, I can't truly grasp that concept.

I want to be comfortable and God wants me to be holy. And in these moments of dread and fear, He reminds me that He is always here. I want to be tough and people tell me that I am. But I don't feel tough and full of faith because I feel like crying. But I think that's what real faith looks like. Real faith is experiencing my pain and fear, crying and knowing, really knowing that He has a plan. I don't understand it and I wish He could make me holy without pain but He is God. He knows all the things that I don't.

Plus, He takes care of me. He doesn't give me a task and then tell me to get on with it. He lavishes His love and grace on me. His Spirit provides me with all I need. He surrounds me with His children. I cannot possibly take the time to type the names of all my friends that will be there with me. To care for my kids, bring me food, help me clean, listen to me whine, pray for me and with me, and love me.

Life is a journey and I cannot wait for the destination! My heartfelt prayer is that there will be no teeth in heaven.

Dr. Kim

Dr. Kim Schmitt is our lovely friend. God has used her skill and knowledge to keep Brody, Ty and Gracie healthy these past few years. She always has a smile and love for my kids. And in return, they love her more than any other doctor in the world. (Our dentist, Dr. Koplon is a close second) Whenever I tell them that it's time for a doctor visit, they cry if it's not to Dr. Kim. Seriously, they do.

Ty had to have allergy shots for a couple of years. You would think that he would hate the doctor's office. He doesn't. They brag on him and encourage him. They give him treats and hugs. So an otherwise traumatic experience has been an overwhelmingly positive one for him.

Poor Brody has had the most awful time with ear infections. She put tubes in, but his ears would push them out after a couple of months. She ended up putting in something similar to a 't-tube'. These new ones won't come out on their own. After horrible recurring infections for the first year and a half of his life, he's been healthy now for a year. Colds - yes. Ear infections - nope.

Gracie and Maggie haven't had to visit her often as a patient but they love going. Her office has a really cool play room and super sweet staff. Dr. Kim is also the one who discovered Chris' Dad's throat cancer at a really early stage. She probably saved his life.

I asked Ty why he loves her. His reply? "Because she takes care of me." Simple as that.

It's really cool to me how God puts just the right people in our lives at just the right times. Once again, He proves himself trustworthy.

Being Real

I think that everyone is fake at some point or another. I'm sure there are people who are always fake. But even those of us who try not to be fake can't help it sometimes.

I was talking to some friends the other day, at different times, about this. Why is it that when we're going through a dark place we hide it? We put on a smile and laugh. I do it sometimes. Almost a year ago I went through a darkness. Life seemed overwhelming and tedious. But I tried really hard to act like nothing was different. Why?

Well, I think there are several reasons. To begin with, I try to maintain my reputation. People tell me I'm friendly and outgoing. Because of that, I feel the need to live up to that... to not disappoint anyone. Which is kinda stupid when I think about it. Not to mention, sinful. I'm depending on my reputation instead of resting in my position as a daughter of the covenant.

Another reason I'm tempted to be fake is the feelings that occur in those dark places are scary and deep. To not feel happy or contented or peaceful is weird and uncomfortable. I don't like it and don't want other people to look at me funny. I want to hide. I want to pretend. But when I do that, I reject the grace of God. I try to take care of the problems myself. Quite simply, I'm not trusting God.

Being real means that if I'm unhappy, when someone says "How are you?" I can honestly say, "I'm struggling today." I don't have to unload on them, telling them all my deepest sorrows but I can ask them to pray for me.

And when I do that, the next time that person is having a hard time they'll be more likely to ask me to pray for them. I will have humbled myself and that makes it a little easier to ask God for help. Burt preached a sermon last year that has helped me a lot. The title was Remembering Wilderness and Surviving Wealth. In the dark places, I seek Him. Nothing makes sense anymore, He is all I have. But when life is peachy, I get into a routine and don't seek Him out anymore.

The dark places are really blessings in disguise. God uses them to show me who I really am and what trusting Him looks like. Romans 5:3-5 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I can taste of him in a deeper way in the wilderness because I'm hungrier. Needier. Weaker. And he meets me there and supplies all my needs. HE becomes my peace.

Alternative to Wal-Mart

A lot of people ask me how I can manage to not shop at Wal-Mart. "How can you afford shopping anywhere else?" or my favorite, "But it's so much faster to get everything in one place."

Propoganda! That's all that is. People have bought into the advertising that Wal-Mart is cheaper and more convenient. Poppycock!

I buy groceries, dog food, diapers, pull-ups, household items, everything for a family of 6 for around $400 a month. You can, most of the time, find what you need on sale at other stores for the same price or cheaper than WM. You just have to be committed. Look at the sale papers.

"Why don't you just take your sale papers to WM. They'll honor them."

Not neccessarily. They don't honor Buy One Get One Free or percentages. And many times, if you get tons of items that way, they bring in the CSM to hand check each item. Not very convenient.

As to the "convenience" issue.... how many times have you gone to WM only to find they don't have what you need? And you still have to go to another store or settle for something else. Not to mention the fact that the store is soooooo big that it takes forever to get from one place to another.

Then there's the check-out problems. They never have adequate numbers of check-outs open. I have to wait at least ten minutes in a line before I start checking out. (Do not even get me started on the 'self-ckeckouts'!)

Today, I bought all my groceries at Publix. A produce manager offered to help me pick out the best bag of grapes. The butcher ground a fresh pack of ground chuck in a family pack for me, at the sale price. The cashier helped me unload my buggy. The bag boy had me pull up to the front of the store and sit in my van while he loaded my groceries for me in the rain! How much did I spend? Well, for a receipt that is literally 28 inches long, I spent less than $200.00. I bought food for two weeks, dog food, bird seed, laundry stuff, toilet paper, paper towels, snack foods, sodas, etc. I might could have done even better if I had gone to Winn-Dixie and Food World but it was raining cats and dogs and I couldn't stand the thoughts of it!

Publix's slogan is "Where shopping is a pleasure." Today I would have to agree with them.

Sound

My kids are studying sound in school. Sound waves, frequency, etc. Ty, who is reading a A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, surmised that there are lots of sounds that would be really unfamiliar to King Arthur. Maggie realized that most of these noises are so familiar to us that we don't even hear them anymore.

So for school, they had to make a list of a.) loud sounds, b.) soft sounds, and c.) sounds we don't even hear anymore. Here are my sounds that I don't even hear anymore.

1. Anytime Chris starts talking about shoes.

2. Gracie's whining.... I put her on ignore.

3. Kim giving me pertinent information... don't ask me why.

4. Silence... but that's just because my kids are so loud.

5. The buzzer on the dryer, and I have it up really loud!

6. Curse words in movies. I don't even register them.

7. My Mother's voice in my head. (Is that good or bad?)

8. Chris' alarm that goes off at 4:oo am when he has to go to work in Anniston. And it's on my side of the bed!

9. My kids talking to me when I'm working at the computer. That is, until the questioning is soooo repetititve that it breaks through my sound barrier.

10. Wiggles movies. I don't realize I'm hearing it until I start singing all the songs. Very annoying!

Maybe later I'll make a list of all the sounds that I wish I didn't hear.

Sleep

I am sooooo sleepy right now. If I could I would climb in the bed and sleep until tomorrow. I slept fine last night. I don't know what my problem is.

Since I can't sleep, I better get busy. Lord knows I have plenty to do. Maybe this is brain melt from homeschooling today.

Stupidity

Some may call it stupidity. Others may call it selfishness. I call it thoughtlessness. It is what plagues me. It is that deep down character flaw that causes the ones I love pain.

Sometimes my mouth overides my butt. I say things that are callus or arrogant. I do things that hurt others. Plain and simple, I just don't think.

Last night, I did something that stirred up fear and bad memories for my friend. And if I had just stopped and thought I would have realized it before it was too late. But I didn't and now she feels all sorts of conflicting emotions and convictions.

It reminds me of something that happened to me after my Mom died. For those of you that don't know, my Mother was a self-medicating bi-polar. She was into other things too. My sister and I realized that things were out of control. Kim contacted Mother's doctor, who wouldn't return her calls. Kim called an attorney, who said that we had to have a doctor. It was horrible. There Mother sat in misery, insanity and filth and the only people who cared could do nothing about it.

Anyways.... after she died, we had to clean out her rental house. The most traumatic thing for me were the gnats. There were literally thousands of them. We wore masks to keep them out of our mouth and nose. It was awful. About two months later, I opened my pantry and out flew a gnat. One gnat. Just one. My mind knew there was only one but my heart freaked out. I started shaking and crying and hitting myself in the head. Chris ran into the room and grabbed me. All I could say was "No. No. I can't be like her. No. No....." It took me a few minutes to get myself under control. And even longer to really release that to Christ. But where my Mom's sin abounded, His grace abounded all the more.

So for my thoughtlessness to trigger emotions even remotely like that causes me deep pain. I ask myself, when will I ever learn? I don't know. I hope soon. I pray that Christ will come back today. He is my only hope.

Prayer Please

I hope all who read this will pray for me. I am in charge of planning a Women's Ministry Event. Not a meeting or a coffee. An event. As in decorating, childcare, speaker, food, seminars, etc.

Internal thought* me no can do this... me too stupid... plague, pestilence, danger, danger.

I can try to convince myself that I can do this, or I can lean completely upon my Savior. In this I am weak, but I am boldly stating that He is strong. Please pray that I will trust him. He is enough. He can do this.



BTW, off topic, it's 74 degrees here. All my windows are open and the fans are on. Lovely! Of course we'll probably have tornadoes tomorrow. ;o)

New Favorite CD

Just a quick note to share my new favorite CD. I've played it way to many times. If I don't slow down, I'm gonna get sick of it.

It's Ethereal, titled Tending Both Sides. You can find it at www.etherealband.com