Don't Listen, Then Listen

 I listen too much to what other people say about me and expect from me. 

I've been told so many times that I'm not a baker or that I'm not crafty or that I can't cook. I remember being told that I'm not athletic. Or that I'm messy and disorganized. I heard it, absorbed it, and believed it. I have said those things about myself many times. I even named one of my Pinterest boards, "Yummy Food I Will Never Cook". 

The truth of the matter is that I'm not as good a baker as many people are. There are people I know who are craftier than I am. I don't have high levels of body awareness and athleticism. Etc, etc.

But...

I have discovered that by eschewing those judgments I can achieve things I never dreamed. 

In the past few months I have:

1. learned to bake bread 

2. baked cookies and made pies

3. decorated entire areas beautifully and to other people's delight

4.  allowed myself to try new things

5. created art 

6. organized a huge work area that makes life easier for my co-workers

7. found exercise to be fun

8. made lots of Christmas bows

9. designed and made more than a dozen centerpieces for the holidays

10. begun to learn to not listen to negative voices, whether those voices are in my own head, or in the form of jokes and put downs. 

I don't have to put disclaimers on myself. I don't have to tell anyone. I can just do the things I love and try things I've never tried. Without shame. Without fear of failure. Without worry. I have learned to ask myself, "What do I want?" It is exhilarating and exciting and freeing. Chris has been trying to tell me this for two decades. I'm slow, but I'm catching on.

I'm learning new languages. Trying new recipes. Baking cookies. Painting. Running. Trying new things. It took being very alone for a long time to finally wake up and look around. I truly don't need anything from anybody. I have everything I need in Christ. I have approval (there's no shame here). I have delight (no disappointed looks or put downs). I have the smile of Creator God (why not try something new?). I have his constant presence (I am not rejected.) I have forgiveness and freedom in every area of my life. What have I to fear?

"Don't fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

Do I mess up the bread or burn the cookies or misplace the photo backdrop? Yes. When those things happen are they confirmation of all the things said about me? No. Those things cannot touch me. Not the real me. The loved me. I am still broken, screwed up, sinful. But I am so loved. So very, very loved. He has called me by name. By. My. Name. I am his. And his voice is louder and truer and closer and more real than the  others. What have I to fear?

A Snapshot of My Evening

Tonight is the night before Ty's wedding. We spent most of the day at the Bartz's house, putting up the tent, setting out the candles, getting ready. We stayed over for supper of Election Lunch. 

Now we are home. Chris and I prepped thirty potatoes to bake tomorrow. Chris ironed dress shirts for Ty and Zac while I prepped all the brunch food for the wedding morning. Now we are sitting in the living room. Chris leaning on the white couch. John sitting on the white couch. Ty in one wing back, me in the other. Zac and Gracie are on the orange couch and we're watching the SEC Championship game (Alabama vs Florida). Well, we're actually chatting while keeping up with the game. Every time someone says something funny, Brody laughs from his room where he's playing video games and "participating" with us. Zac says it's like a having a laugh track. 

It's a sweet night. Only missing Mags and Scott. 

Tomorrow The Boy gets married. What a sweetness.