Get Off My Back

I know, I know.... it's been a really long time since my last post. I've been really overwhelmed. Life has snuck up and bit me in the butt, again.

I've been busy planning out a new nine week unit study for school. Very time consuming. It's been fun though. The Middle Ages, woo-hoo. I've got the lesson plans done, still working on the tests and worksheets.

In the past six days, two kids have been to the ENT, all six of us have been to the dentist for cleanings, I've had a root canal and a consultation with an oral surgeon. Good news - only Maggie had cavities (just 1), Ty and Brody are better now (they're on antibiotics for sinus infections). Bad news- the root canal couldn't be finished because it kept bleeding so now it's sensitive and Dr. Koplon found a large 'lesion' in my jaw. Come to find out, it's (more than likely) a very large abcess from a dead nerve. The problem is that it's sooooo big. It's never a good sign when your doctor looks at your x-ray and says "Whoa! What's that?!?!?" For a few days Chris and I were dealing with the possibility that it could be a tumor. Needless to say, I was in a quiet mood for a while. I wasn't scared really, just quiet. Long story short, I'm having a root canal on Tuesday and oral surgery next Thursday. Dr. O'Neill will clean out the cyst and fill in the gaping hole with bone chips. Sounds like fun to me!

Seriously though... as Leslie said today "You've had a lot of health type issues lately. Haven't you?" I guess I have and I get really, really tired of it. I don't like pain and being away from my children. I don't like spending money on things I can't enjoy. I don't like not being able to take care of my family. And as I type this I am reminded that wait... it's not all about me. For some reason, I can't truly grasp that concept.

I want to be comfortable and God wants me to be holy. And in these moments of dread and fear, He reminds me that He is always here. I want to be tough and people tell me that I am. But I don't feel tough and full of faith because I feel like crying. But I think that's what real faith looks like. Real faith is experiencing my pain and fear, crying and knowing, really knowing that He has a plan. I don't understand it and I wish He could make me holy without pain but He is God. He knows all the things that I don't.

Plus, He takes care of me. He doesn't give me a task and then tell me to get on with it. He lavishes His love and grace on me. His Spirit provides me with all I need. He surrounds me with His children. I cannot possibly take the time to type the names of all my friends that will be there with me. To care for my kids, bring me food, help me clean, listen to me whine, pray for me and with me, and love me.

Life is a journey and I cannot wait for the destination! My heartfelt prayer is that there will be no teeth in heaven.