I feel sick. Too much squash casserole. Too much broccoli salad. Ugh. I want to puke. Looking back, I honestly didn't think I ate too much. But it must've expanded. Like rice in a pigeon. If I explode, Kim, you know what to do. I've cleaned out most of my closets and my sheds. Take care of my children. And please, don't tell them that their mother died from a casserole overdose.
Now I bequeath my earthly possessions:
To KimHill, I leave my bathroom scales... wait, I don't have bathroom scales. Sorry.
To Missy, I leave any kale that may be found in my fridge.
To Ginger, I leave a money belt to keep track of funds.
To Laura, I leave my diary... don't laugh too much.
To Mona, I leave my retarded dog Molly, maybe you can teach her where her food bowl is.
To Jenny, I leave my front loading washer and dryer. Enjoy.
To Paige, I leave three books that I've started and never finished.
To G, I leave my secret stash of Prozac for those hard winter days.
To Burt, I leave all the books that we've borrowed and never returned.
To Les, I leave a deep freeze full of dead cow. ( for when you come out of your vegan phase)
To Terri, I leave 10 bottles of partially dried out nail polish.
To Amber, I leave my Led Zeppelin cd's. Maybe you can learn to love the real classics.
To Boo, I leave my shop-vac. You have a child now, you'll need it.
To Jawan, I leave my copy of Napoleon Dynamite. Watch it til you like it.
To Jessica, I leave my computer. Then you'll see what true power is.
To Kim, I leave my children. Have fun.
Well, in case I digest instead of die, you get nothing. Sorry.
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13 comments:
I've already got your kids half the time. What's new?! :P
kimmi
That is hysterical!! :D
can i trade with Amber? I'd sort of like those Led Zeppelin cd's
I am laughing and crying!
What the @#$% am I supposed to do with Kale? Thats for Logan not me! Give me something good like Chocolate or something!
Go ahead. Kick the bucket. I'm fairly certain I could publish the diary and make a million!
I don't know what you mean, I don't lose money, or tickets,or anything else! Your funds will go to good use in England! I may use them to tour Europe in memory of you. And by "money belt" I hope you mean fanny pack! I love those!
And, I'm the loser who deleted the comment.
I could have fun finishing the books and publishing them under your name.
Thanks for thinking of me in regards to your Napoleon Dynamite DVD. I really appreciate it.
(wooooo) can't breath.....tears....laughing.... Loved it!!!
I will not take part in any form or manner in the senseless murder of the cows, or any action resulting from the aforementioned slaughter. But thank you for thinking of me!!! ;-)
Thanks for taunting me. Did I tell you I needed a scale or something? Missed you at church!
Once again Crissy, you meet my laughter expectations and leave me falling off my chair laughing!!! Thank you so much for the post, I needed it! How can anyone not like Napoleon Dynamite? We should watch that togeter.
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