Superiority

Burt's sermon Sunday was very good. I know that sounds very poorly described but I'll explain a bit more in a minute. I always learn something from Burt's sermons but I don't tell him that because he'll ask "You liked it? What was it about?" I hate that. Like he's trying to catch me in a lie. Like I'm just trying to make him feel better. He should know by now that I never do anything just to make him feel better. He's got all the arrogance he needs. But he is used by God. God has used him in my life in more ways than I can count. I appreciate him. Now on to the sermon.

Sunday he talked about prejudice. I was so glad that I don't struggle with that cause I know he made people uncomfortable. Yeah, right. I was deeply convicted about all my little ways that I am prejudiced. All the standards that I obviously meet and you don't. Silly things, stupid things, pointless things. But those things are the very things that cause strife in the church.

For me to think, even in passing, that by doing anything a certain way brings about the desired result then I have to be saying that those who don't do it the same way are wrong. And they're not just wrong but judged. Condemned. It doesn't matter if I tell them that or not... they know it. They feel it.

Kim, Angie, Elizabeth and I had a great conversation about this. About the utter arrogance of thinking that I don't hurt my brothers and sisters in Christ this way. Because I do. And when no one calls me on it, I begin to think that I'm right. And that path is ugly.

I love the church. I really do. But I know that sometimes I love myself more and if you get in my way, I may just have to make you feel inadequate and useless to justify myself. I hate that. I HATE that. I want to love. I want to support, encourage and edify... but I don't always. And the reason for it is pride.

"So who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, Christ Jesus our Lord!" The only answer is the gospel. Knowing that I'm way worse than I can imagine and yet loved more than can be understood. If I really believe that then you can call me on my sin, on the careless things that come out of my mouth and hurt you, and it doesn't destroy me. I am free to apologize. I am free to own my sin because it no longer defines me.

God has shown me areas of my life where I feel superior. Where I am so used to defending myself that it's second nature. If God has called me to do something I'm not the one who's responsible to defend it. God is. It's his calling. If God has given me a responsibility, I'm not the one who owns it, he does. If my attitude hurts another believer, than I am wrong. My actions may not be wrong but my heart is.

So I guess what I'm saying is... if I have hurt you. I'm sorry. If I have ever made you feel unloved and unneeded, please forgive me.

I plead with you to ask God what it is in your life that you use against other people. What careless things have you said, or not said, to cause pain? He will show you if you ask. I think it's time we ask and time to repent.