My Preferred Language

My primary way of communicating with others involves heavy doses of sarcasm. I like sarcasm. Sarcasm is my friend. We go way back.

I think my first dalliance with sarcasm was with my sister at the tender age of maybe 5. She inspired me, what can I say? I think my sarcasm was in the form of rhyme... something to do with "you're a big, fat movie star." I never said I was good at it at such a young age. It didn't even make sense. But that's not the point. The point is that I tried. I tried.

One must have a firm grasp of irony in order to be truly sarcastic. My father taught me the meaning of irony. He loved The Twilight Zone. (Don't get excited Missy and Ginger. Different Twilight.) His favorite episode is about a man who loves books more than people. The bookish man is then the sole survivor of a nuclear war. He finds his way to the Library of Congress, I think it is, and now has every book at his own personal disposal. But at the very end, he falls down the steps and breaks his ultra-thick glasses. My dad loves that! He says it's the most ironic thing he's ever seen. So I learned irony.

My mother was really quite good at sarcasm. It could have been her spiritual gift, I'm not sure. She could "say" things that if transcribed would look just fine, but the effect would be quite the opposite. Her sarcasm could be hurtful though... I never liked that. I've always strived (strove? striven?) to use my sarcasm for the greater good, namely humorously.

The downside to the frequent use of sarcasm is it sometimes confuses the non-sarcastic person. For instance:
Me - "How was your day?"
Other - "Well, I had a wreck and lost my job."
Me - "Lovely."
Other - gives me a look that screams "You're either stupid or cruel. Which is it I wonder?"
Me - seeing the look of confusion and rapidly making the transition to normal-speak, say "I was just joking, being sarcastic. Sorry."
Other - still with a completely bemused expression tries to explain his day more fully because he's concluded that I'm stupid.
Me - "I can never be your friend. You're marked off my list. Moving on...." Of course, I say this in my head.

You see how this works. Every sarcastic person can identify. It can be quite inhibiting. And annoying.

I'm teaching my kids the meaning of irony now. One way I do this is that our spanking spoon is a yellow Kool-Aid spoon with a smiley face cut-out. That is irony, my friends.

I'm teaching them the proper use of sarcasm. It should never be used to tear down, only to entertain. This rule is something I struggle to keep. If I'm mad, I have been known to tear someone down with my sarcasm. I know you're shocked. It is hard to take in.

Anyways, this post has absolutely no point to it. It's more of a rant really. But I feel better for it.