A Very Unclear, Disjointed Post That Barely Makes Any Sense At All

I love coffee. I mean, I love it. Makes me happy. ... Moving on...

I've been thinking a lot over the past week about how I treat others when they disappoint me. And how I should treat them. It pretty much depends on how much I love the person in the first place. Shallow, huh?

I'm tired. I should go to bed. But...

I hate when I get all caught up in whatever it is I'm doing, feeling pretty good. I'm serving God. I love God. I want Christ. I'm trusting in God's sovereignty. But then, somehow, my head turns just a little to the side and I see my life from a different perspective. And it hits me... I can see it... my pride is all over the place. In every thing I try to do. Tainting my very repentance. I hate that false sense of security. I wish I wasn't so oblivious.

What would it be like, I wonder, if I could see my life clearly? I don't mean any one thing in particular, just the whole. The whole thing at the same time. Instead of focusing on my friends or my kids or my sin or my husband or my book or my coffee or my housework, etc.

I can only see one thing at a time and then it's like I've been to the eye doctor. Every thing's fuzzy. My view is so limited. My perspective so biased.

I know I'm rambling. Even now the Gospel is circling in my head. I know that I'm really talking about God's sovereignty. But His plan is too big to take in.

Why can't I stay focused on someone other than myself? I try. But it always circles back around to me. I hate that.