On the Subject of Bathrooms and Children

Very short post today. I just was thinking of bathrooms and the small things I've learned about them from raising my kids.

1. Three words: Toilet Paper Stand. The toilet paper dispensers that attach to the wall closely resemble rock climbing toe holds. You can see the problem.

2. Towel hooks, not rods. I lovingly refer to them as chin-up bars. Self-explanatory.

3. Buy a shower curtain that is easily washable. Mine is actually a flat sheet. Boys use it as a hand towel after "washing" their hands; girls use it to finish removing eye makeup. Annoying.

4. Never stack extra rolls of toilet paper anywhere near the toilet. Especially if you have boys. Ew.

5. Get over your aversion to hair clogs. Oh, and random, unexplained holes in the wall.

6. Teach your children to use a plunger at an early age. Period.

7. Paint every few years. It's the only way to make it actually FEEL clean again.

8. Buy a large painting. It gives visitors something else to look at besides the random socks, toothpaste sprinkles and hairballs.

9. The number of towels and washcloths you need will exponentially increase as your daughters' age. They tend to need one for their hair and one for their bodies and one to stand on and then "accidentally" take them into their rooms and "forget" to put them in the hamper - until there are no towels left for everyone else. At all. Not even beach towels.

10. MAKE THEM CLEAN IT EVERY DAY! Then once a week, you can follow them and actually clean it. And even then it will skirt the chasm of disgusting most of the time.


You're welcome.

The Hobbit

It does not bode well that I'm sleepy right now. Does not bode well.

I'm taking the three olders to the midnight show of The Hobbit. Tonight. In like four hours. Did I mention that we have co-op tomorrow? Or that I also have to buy groceries? What the what?

But you should see my kiddos. They're so excited. And truth be told, the kid in me is excited too. The thrill of being one of the first to see something. Being out late, lining up with hundreds of like-minded people- it's just so FUN!

So here I go, off to attempt a nap before the time to leave. Wish me luck!

Making Sense of This Jumble I Call a Brain

My mind is rushing back and forth with so many thoughts. I'm having definite trouble corralling them into submission. As is my custom, I will write them out to try to find some sense of order.

1. Christmas. hmmm. Christmas. That means gifts. 4 children, older children, expensive children. But the great thing about my kids is that they don't ask for much. They're pretty content. In a way, that makes it harder. If they really only want one thing, but that thing is $200... well, you see my dilemma.
which leads directly to the next item...

2. Money. Ugh. I hate money. If I have too much, I get all cozy with it and want to spend it. If I have too little, I struggle with sleep and my idols of comfort. Plus, my hubs is pretty miserable at his job, Obamacare and all, and I would love to get our budget to where we don't live off of as much to give him some breathing room were he to want to look for something else. I'm trying to spend less.

Spending less is almost always possible with enough planning. As Will Ferrell said in his impersonation of George W, it's all about the strategery. Deliberate, strategic planning. Saves money but it tends to wear me out.

I'm worn out.

3. School. I really should be writing a history lesson right now. My mind is all over the place, not in Antarctica like it needs to be.

4. My oldest child's future. I know. I know. God is in control of her future. I know His will cannot be thwarted. And at the same time, I am responsible to guide, teach and push her. So many doubts. And SATs. I'm silent screaming right now. No need to freak out the 16 year old.

5. Why can I not keep my kitchen clean right now? Seriously! For two weeks now, my kitchen has not been completely clean. It's ridiculous. I just can't keep up. I feel it taunting me right this minute... "There's sauce on our counters. Our sink needs to be bleached. When is the last time you scrubbed our stovetop?" I hear you, you stupid kitchen!!! Keep your pots on!

6. My dining room is once again full. Not of football stuff or wedding stuff, but church decor stuff. I really, really, really want to decorate the church but I can't do it by myself. I'm too unsure of myself. I need the safety of a "committee". I want to see the finished product AND I want my dining room back.

7. Why is Brody still coughing? He needs to stop that and get well already.

8. I checked airline tickets to Manchester today. That's how badly I want to watch Breaking Dawn with my friend Ginger. Alas, the tickets are $800. Is too much! (imagine an Italian accent on that last bit.) But I can dream, right?

9. Speaking of Breaking Dawn. Wow. The other previous movies were adequate. This one is a good movie actually. Twisty ending, happy ending, me likee.

10. I need to make a checklist. Several, really. To Do lists for: Thanksgiving, Christmas gifts, School Short Term, School Long Term, Church Decorating, House Decorating for Christmas, etc.

11. Repentance. Faith. Then some more repentance. With a side of self-awareness and a pinch of repentance.

I'm sleepy.

Pre-Vacation Week

The week before a vacation is always so busy. I know it's my fault. I try to cram as much into that week as possible. This week is no exception.

My plan for the week was:
Monday - Senior High English Co-op, school, ballet for Grace, Faculty meeting at 7, football meeting at 8.
Tuesday- field trip to the zoo
Wednesday - Go to Atlanta to spend one last day with my sis-in-law before she moves to San Francisco
Thursday - pack, pizza party for the youth
Friday - co-op, home to clean and finish packing
Saturday - finish everything up in an unhurried fashion.

What actually happened:
Monday - as planned
Tuesday - zoo field trip, but on the way home the olders remembered they needed Halloween costumes so we stopped off at the Thrift Store for a couple of hours. Then a trip to Sam's to return some stuff. Then Amber called to tell me her brother I've not seen in years is at her house and do I want to stop by? Absolutely!
Wednesday - stomach virus. No Meghan. I cry.
Thursday - finish all the kids' co-op for Friday. Shove pencil under my toenail, by accident I assure you. Hand off all the football bins to Coe. Pizza party.
Friday - Co-op, meet Coe at Sam's to give her gift card I should have given her yesterday. Take Mags and Brody to pediatrician for sickness. Go to pharmacy. Drop girls at the Hansen's. Get home an hour after people get to my house. Make lists with the help of dearest Tilly.

Notice that ZERO packing got done. No house work either. Van is also disgusting.

Plan for Saturday (today) -
Clean house. Kids are working industriously.
Pack. Ehh. Some is done. Still need suitcases out of the attic.
Finish school assignments to post, print directions. Internet is messed up. Call company and they fix it.
Purge van. Need to invent vehicle enemas.

Bright spots? Pandora radio. G coming for supper! Vacation starts tomorrow. Yay!

Fellowship of the Saints

There are times when church planting is very lonely. Times when you feel forgotten, marginalized or even abandoned. This is true of every church planter I've ever spoken with. It is in those times that I become so self-focused my eyes are completely crossed. There are short moments of this and there are the seemingly endless days of this. I have experienced both.

And then God moves.

God is so gracious in his movement. He reminds. He disciplines. He teaches. Sometimes in the quietness of my heart and sometimes in the public display of himself.

Things in Springville have been going so well. I see how we are becoming family to each other and loving each other so well. I spend most days with friends from here. We watch each others kids, trade recipes, go to the movies. It's great.

Burt preached once about fellowship not just being person to person but also church to church. That moved me to thought. How does that even work?...  I'll tell you.

It's knowing that while we were sleeping, 2 churches across the Atlantic were praying for us. It's getting an invitation in the mail from another pca church inviting our women to an event. It's someone stopping by with excitement in their face and exclaiming, "I was going home to Georgia and saw your sign. Our church prays for you guys every Sunday!" It's when another church has to have a cut off on their sign up sheet for a work day with us, even though they live two hours away. I could go on and on and on.

God moves. And we are encouraged. He is so good to us!

Planning Another Trip

I love planning trips. I was talking with my Dad this week about this. We think planning is part of the fun of going somewhere. Gas stops, menus, outings, it's all part of the fun.

This time last year I was heavy into planning our family trip to England. It does not seem like a year. My kids talk about it all the time. Either it's the people, the church, the mall, the walking, the food, something. They loved it there. So much so that some people believe God has called us to move there as missionaries!

This year, on the same date - October 28th, we are going to Ft. Lauderdale to see my first cousin and his wife. I am so stinkin' excited. I love Brad and Mandi. I love talking about kids, churches and theology. I love that our senses of humor are so similar. I love everything about them.

Plus, they live in South Florida. Less than an hour from Miami. Where it's still sunny and warm. We're going to see the Everglades and the coral reefs of Key Largo. And we're going to church with them at their new church plant. It's going to be awesome.

Chris is flying down and back. He can't take the 14 hour drive and it would be awful for him to have to take 2 of his 6 off days just to travel. The kids and I will drive. We're going to leave a couple of days before Chris and spend some time in Orlando with our friends the Blairs and LaFountains. That will be fun! We'll all end up in Ft Lauderdale on the same day.

I have been studying the maps and planning out our food menu. I've already started buying snack food for the drive. I'm also harassing Ty into getting his permit so he can help with the driving. Some people think all this planning ruins the trip but I say nay-nay. I love the planning and the anticipation. Bring on the empty suitcases and the lists!

He's so cute. Especially when he's reading Augustine.

My Home

 The above picture is a view of the street on which we live. The leaves are just starting to change colors. I love the curve! That's my driveway on the right. I was coming back from a walk... when you come to my house, you come down that hill and the drive is on the left.

 I was walking at the Springville Park and saw this beautiful blue herron. I wonder if they are still endangered? I also saw the usual three ducks and some gigantor snapping turtles.

 While I was walking the kids were playing. Sophia and I finished up our teaching really early, so we let the kids (13 of them) walk from the church to the park. That's over a mile, but it's sidewalks all the way. I love living in Springville. Where else (but in England) can your kids still walk everywhere?

This picture is just so I can have proof that I kept two ferns alive for an entire summer!!! Yay, me! I've never done that before. I have to give credit to Tilly for telling me how to manage it. But look at it! Isn't it lovely!?!? I also kept two geraniums mostly alive too. There may be hope for me yet!

First Day Without Facebook

Other than a few episodes of withdrawal, so far so good. I found myself not quite knowing what to do when I had a few free minutes.

I think I'll give you a timeline of my day.
7:00 am- wakey wakey, followed by a walk
8:10- wake the kids
8:30- Bible
9:00- math with Brody and Gracie, followed by reading and science
9:45- Maggie and Ty leave for anatomy
12:30- leave house. Drop off Brody at the Lee's and pick up Hannah and Daniel
1:00- English Co-op starts
2:30- school ends and the kids walk to the park
3:45- Ballet, drop Gracie off and run to gas station and Walmart
4:30- Pick Gracie up and stop by Karen's house
5:15- arrive home, cook supper
6:30- Family Night! We decide to give Time Bandits a go. Eeh. It's okay, I guess. Terribly sacrilegious.

The park was lovely. I took a picture of a blue heron and all the kids playing. It was one of those beautiful, perfect moments.

Dinner and a movie with the fam is one of my favorite pastimes. I love being with my kids and snuggling up to Chris.

All in all, it's been a busy but good day. I feel like I accomplished so much more by not checking my Facebook every thirty minutes.

Now to decide if I should go to a weekly football meeting... hmmm...

First Mobile Post

This is me, trying to blog from my smart phone. I don't know if I'm doing this correctly but it's worth a go. Right?

Weight Loss

http://www.platesaspinning.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-wild-and-wacky-world-of-weight-loss.html

My friend blogged about her wight loss journey and I found it to be very encouraging. Click and read if you need some grace!

It's Time for a Break

For those of you who are interested, there is a reason that I'm taking a Facebook break. Facebook took a post intended for a private group and not only posted it to the private group page, but also posted it to a third party's wall. Not cool. I am still unsure of the consequences of that. I'll try to remember to keep you posted.

I am going to try to figure out my Blogger app. It would be super fun and handy to post pictures straight to my blog. Cross your fingers.

Now let's pretend that I had to come up with a status right this minute... Hmmm.... I think it would say, "Such a lovely Sunday. I'm sitting on my couch with an open window at my back, listening to the rain and reading. (and blogging!) Plus, I got to partake of Communion this morning AND wear my boots for the first time this season. It's been a good day!"

There ya go.

To Football or Not to Football?

I am tempted to sigh right now. Football is officially in full swing. I placed my Sam's order yesterday and picked it up today. Just that order was 3 flatbeds and over a thousand dollars. I still have to go to the Dollar Store and buy other stuff.

My house is full of bins and piles of stuff. I should post a picture, but I'm too lazy. I should be going through the bins and reorganizing everything. I should be printing out the menus and sign-in sheets. I should be finishing my shopping. ...

...

I choose to blog.

...

Four out of my next five Saturdays are football. I enjoy being useful and serving the community. I enjoy the rush and readiness of it all. I like the people I'm serving with. But it does get tiring to be in the "Cave" from 8-4 and end up stinking like grease.

I think God is gently moving me in another direction. I have been involved with football, in one form or another, for the past 5 years. I genuinely like the people, but I've come to the conclusion that I will never be one of them. I'll never be part of their in-crowd or be invited to the cook-outs.  I am an outsider. I know they like me too but it's just different. That's not why I got involved in the first place. I just wanted a way to serve. I'm not so sure that it's actually helping them anymore.

I'm beginning to see other ministry opportunities and wonder where they will lead. I have no idea. I've learned not to try to see the future. God will move and I will follow and that is that. Right now, I am still in football. Right now I'm brainstorming with the ladies from church of ways to beautify the church. Right now I'm hanging out with the lovely friend who I think will be my right hand in Women's Ministry. (Or I will be her right hand, either way...)

It's all good. Seriously. God is very good to me.

The Poor and The Fatherless

There are so many things going around on facebook right now about "Taking America Back". And the fundamentalists are all about keeping God in America. My sweet, precious grandmother is one of them. I don't know how to break it to her, America is not God's chosen people.

Oh gosh, I know some who read this are getting really, really angry with me right now. But hear me out. "If my people, who are called by my name..." That was not a prophetic utterance about the United States of America. It was about his people. Those belonging to him. Romans 8:16 - the Spirit testifies that we are his children. By the work of Christ on the Cross. Not by the work of our Founding Fathers.

I totally understand and agree that our welfare and immigration systems are completely broken and jacked up. I get that. I know they need lots of reform. But to hear Christians in the name of Christ say that we need to cut off these illegals who are "taking all our jobs and getting freebies" makes me ill. As in sick and angry. To hear the church say that all those poor people need to "get a job and get off drugs" ticks me off.

Let's go to the Scriptures, shall we? Deuteronomy 10:14-20
"To the Lord your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. ¹⁵ Yet the Lord set his affection on your ancestors and loved them, and he chose you, their descendants, above all the nations—as it is today. ¹⁶ Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer. ¹⁷ For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. ¹⁸ He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. ¹⁹ And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt. ²⁰ Fear the Lord your God and serve him."

The church has forgotten the fact that WE ARE ALIENS. We were naked, hungry and sick and our heavenly father adopted us as his children. How can we then turn around and ignore the fatherless and foreigner?

And here's the kicker. The government shouldn't even be the ones taking care of the poor. It should be the church. The very people wanting to close the border and cut people off are the very ones who should be taking care of them, advocating for them.

I confess, I was one of them. Sometimes I still am. I don't get it right. There's a whole lot more going on that I've mentioned in this little post. But I think that when we look at the poor, no matter where they're from, and we feel no movement toward compassion, that's a red flag. Christianity is not the icing on top of the "Normal" cake. It should affect how we view everything around us. I need to repent too. 

Roasted Adventures

My cooking has gotten so lazy. I'm serious. Corn, rice, potatoes, canned green beans. The end. Gross. This week I took Brody and Gracie with me to shop for new and exciting veges. We came home with lima beans, broccoli (which we LOVE and I got out of the habit of buying), asparagus, brussel sprouts, mixed vegetables, squash and avacado. I'm cooking the brussel sprouts right now. We're trying roasted sprouts because I love roasted vegetables. Drizzle with olive oil, salt, pepper, maybe some garlic salt and voila! Done. I really hope my family likes them. We need to get away from so many carbs.

What is your family's favorite vegetable? How do you cook it? Let me know in the comments. Thanks!!!

You Like What?!?

Culturally speaking, I found the closing ceremonies of the Olympics to be... peculiar. I liked some of the music and some of the display. The guy from Monty Python was funny. I liked the Freddy Mercury part. But then there were other parts that missed the mark, in my opinion.

The funny thing is: my peeps in the UK loved it. I mean LOVED it. It made them, one and all, proud to be British.

Then there was the Latin American, Brazilian, spectacle. Half dressed women, men in loin clothes and disco-decked out men with perms. Hmm. The music was repetitive, not harmonious. To put it simply, it was weird.

So I am left asking myself some questions. What am I missing? How can anyone like this? What the heck?

It is so easy for me to dismiss someone's culture, because that's what it is. It is someone's culture. It doesn't resonate with me because there are pieces of their life that I am missing.

Sociologically speaking: "Culture consists of the beliefs, behaviors, objects, and other characteristics common to the members of a particular group or society. Through culture, people and groups define themselves, conform to society's shared values, and contribute to society. Thus, culture includes many societal aspects: language, customs, values, norms, mores, rules, tools, technologies, products, organizations, and institutions. This latter term institution refers to clusters of rules and cultural meanings associated with specific social activities. Common institutions are the family, education, religion, work, and health care." - cliffsnotes.com

I think Americans, in particular, dismiss other cultures as irrelevant. Remember Manifest Destiny? No one cared about the Native American culture. They needed to stop it and get with the program. That's also what the Spanish did in South America.

We cannot possibly minister effectively in another culture without respecting who they intrinsically are. So while I don't "get it" sometimes, that does not mean it is wrong. It's just different and sometimes weird to my western, American sensibilities.

Before our last trip to England, when we were going to be taking the kids, my dear friend Laura sent me a book about America culture. So much of it was hidden right in front of my eyes. Other cultures do NOT value fun and entertainment and self-reliance. Did you know that? They don't measure success the same way. They value family much more than Americans. Other people look at us and "don't get it."

The implications make my head spin. SUVs, religion, how we educate, what we play, it all ties into a cultural norm that we don't even realize exists until confronted with something different. I talk about living deliberately, purposefully and thoughtfully. Thinking and learning about other cultures helps me do that. Even if it makes me appear strange and out of sync with the people around me.

There are even sub-cultures within our American culture: Southern > Alabamian > Springvillian. Or American > Bible Belt > Presbyterian (which is different from Southern Baptist)

Just something to think about. It makes my brain stretch a bit and I like that.

Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

Photo Book Tip: Create an adventurous travel photo album at Shutterfly.com.

I posted in the Homeschool Blog today. Just thought I'd share...

Best Idea Ever!!!

Ty and I came up with the best idea! I'm serious. We dreamed up a land/subdivision development.

We shall call it... Middle Earth.

It will be a Lord of the Rings living experience. Within the subdivision there will be different areas. They will be called The Shire, Rohan, Gondor and Mordor. The homes built in each would reflect the architecture of each.

The Shire would have be all natural materials, rounded lines, picket fences. It could have a big Party Tree.

Rohan would have stone and wooden structures, maybe with some horse pastures.

Gondor would be white stone with sharp edges and points.

Mordor would be very modern and industrial. Lots of windows and metal.

We could add a hiking area called the Misty Mountains or a wooded wildlife area called Fangorn Forest.

Now you tell me? Would you not want to live there?!?!? How cool would that be?

Does anyone have a few million dollars I could borrow???

Bringing Blogging Back

The title of this blog is a bit of a wave to Justin Timberlake. Sorry, he's a guilty pleasure. Don't judge. Anywho...

My first cousin, who is also one of my loveliest friends, Jennifer, has decided to punt Facebook and go to a strict blog diet. Many of the comments that were directed at her when she posted this decision on Facebook were unsupportive. Some were incredulous. One person even said, "There's got to be a better solution!" O.M.G! Give up Facebook? Are you insane???

I think people have forgotten that we lived a long time without Facebook. Now, there are certain things about it that I love. I love that I can easily find friends from ages ago. Last week, I had lunch with my high school friend Matt. We would not even know how to begin connecting without Facebook. With FB it was super easy. A few PMs and voila! I took my two oldest to the orthodontist in B'ham and then met up with Mattie in Hoover. It was great!

But...

1. Group invites
2. Drama
3. TMI
4. False cheerfulness
5. Pushiness
6. Bad theology
7. Time waster
8. Farmville!!!
9. My Birthday Calendar
10. Duck-lipped pictures (Pouty face!)

I could go on, but I feel myself getting annoyed.

If someone wants to give up FB, that's fine. I do wonder if that can be easily done. My friend Lissa tried but discovered that organizations, churches and families make plans using ONLY Facebook. So if you're not on there, you won't know a single thing about it. That's rough. I know in Springville we have to remember to send out emails and texts, as well as FB. Otherwise, there are people who won't hear about it.

In closing, (because I am rambling) live and let live. Blog, Facebook, texting, email, or no internet at all... Can't we all just get along?


heehee, I cracked myself up

To The Future Me...

Slow day at the Sharp House today. I have spent the day reading. All. Day. Long. For the first time in ages and ages. Loverly.

John Ponder has been here for, let's see... nine days. Honestly, that boy could live here permanently and no one would mind. We love that guy.

Mags and Grace spent most of the day at the Hansen's. Brody and John both got bored about seven tonight and decided to do jigsaw puzzles. That was calmly pleasant until Brody decided to go get another one, a floor puzzle of the United States, and they started to race. Then it got exciting. The rest of us picked teams and jumped in. Then we finished at the same time! It was hilarious.

So now, Brody is looking at a magazine; Gracie and Maggie are eating; Ty and John are roaming the house being bored again. Chris is sleeping. One more hour until I wake him up. And I am blogging.

Like I said, it's a slow day. I'm only blogging it to remember it. Years from now, when they're all gone from home and I am sitting in my clean, quiet house, this post will make me smile. So, Future Me, smile. And maybe do a jigsaw puzzle.


And fold some socks, for heaven's sake!

Pop in for a Cuppa

I've been sitting here most of the day planning this year's school and visiting with friends who popped in for a chat. I loved it. I'm glad for the company and to not have to leave my couch.

One friend and I got talking about missions. Overseas vs home. Missions boards that send vs Raising support. It was a great conversation.

The negative side (if you want to look at it that way) is it got me to thinking about my other family in England and Ireland. *sigh* I know I will always have a hole in my heart that reminds me that I'm missing their daily presence in my life. I see their faces in my mind, hear their voices in my ear and would love for them to pop over, open my door after a quick knock (if at all) and make themselves at home.

I wonder if God will ever send us overseas. I wonder if that is in His plan for us. I know that we have always been open to it, but who knows. Maybe. I know that our role right now in overseas missions is to love them with our hearts wide open, willing to hurt with longing for them, and pray for them every day. And if God sends the opportunity and the money, we'll be on a plane faster than you can say, "Would you like a cuppa?"

Until then, I feel split in two. My heart is definitely here. I adore my new church family in Springville and the community God is building. I miss my other church family in Moody and see them when I can. But I miss my people across the pond. There is only one solution...

Oh, but won't heaven be lovely?

New Blog

There is an entire side to my life that I have rarely blogged about. I don't like controversy. I don't like being yelled at or making people feel uncomfortable. I avoid those things with enormous energy.

But...

I homeschool my children. I have been homeschooling my children for ten years. That's a whole decade. I am what is referred to as a "Veteran Homeschooler". But I rarely blog about that. For some reason, it makes some people defensive or aggressive. As I mentioned above, I don't like that being directed at me.

*Slight change of subject, but I'll tie it in*

It is a well known fact that the Sharp family is involved in a church plant. We have left our safe, comfy, family church and have ventured into unknown territory. It has been a struggle. Many of you know this and have prayed for us.

One of the things we have been trying to do is "get involved in the community". To me this has meant serving on the youth football board of directors. I've made a lot of contacts and hopefully, have loved a few people well. But I sense that I am trying to shove this square peg into a profoundly round hole. I don't have boys playing football this year. I don't have children in the school system (even if we put them in public school, we are zoned for a completely different system). It is really, really hard to meet up with people who move in such different circles. So I am asking myself why I'm trying to minister to people that I don't ever see. Why am I forcing this issue and ignoring the group that, by default, I belong to?

Am I uncomfortable with the fact that we homeschool? Do I feel ashamed of it? Yes and no. I have been berated, belittled and screamed at for homeschooling. Therefore, I am a little bit scared of people's reactions. On the other hand, I have been incredibly supported by my friends of all educational choices. Do I feel like we (Chris and Crissy) SHOULD homeschool our kids? The answer is a profound and sure, "Yes!" Do I think that everyone else in the world should? No! How other people parent their kids is none of my business and I would make a terrible Holy Spirit.

In the past month, since I've been thinking about these things, four people have come to me for advice/counsel about home education. Two more have asked me to teach Bible studies. I think it is time to be available to other homeschool mothers out there and quit hiding from the fact that I homeschool.

Please, please, please, please, dearest friends who do NOT homeschool, do not take this personally. Do not think that I in any way condemn you. I promise, I do not. At all.

I have started a secondary blog about this side of myself that I've never talked about. There are hours and hours of my day devoted to something I fear will hurt people's feelings. There are struggles that we have overcome as a family that I know would help others. So this other blog, Joy in the Journey, will be about our homeschool life. Curriculums, fears, reading lists, field trips, etc will all be on there. I don't expect all my friends to subscribe and follow, but if you are in need of encouragement, it might help.

Just so ya know, I am nervous about doing this. It feels like two worlds colliding. I have no idea what the implications of this will be. That will be up to you...

I'd LIke to Buy the World a Coke

I'm typing this on chris' kindle. not a touch screen. therefore very time consuming. i might go find my laptop...

I am laying on the beach with my friend Boo. I'm probably getting burned. maybe. i am on a girl trip... and it is awesome. i highly recommend it, you know if you're a girl. but there has been some controversy. i didn't invite every person that i know.


Okee doke. I am now on my laptop and that makes this blogging thing so much easier. Now, where was I? Oh, yes...

 A Girl Trip is a funny creature. Conditions are tricky. And when planning one you must be slightly selfish. I refuse to cringe when I type that because it's true. There are certain criteria that MUST be met.

1.) Invite people who know you really well. Otherwise you constantly feel that you must be on your guard.
2.) Invite only people who know EACH OTHER really well. Otherwise, THEY will feel the need to be on their guard. This is not a Women's Ministry Retreat. This is a Girl Trip.
3.) Do not feel guilty about who you do not invite. You cannot invite every single person you know and like.
4.) It's important that you don't think of this kind of trip as some kind of Clique Convention. It is never meant to exclude anyone. It is meant to be a VACATION for ME. I, personally, feel like I spend almost 100% of my time looking around me at people who need something: food, schooling, ministry, a shoulder to cry on, a friend, etc. A Girl Trip is when I can look at my friend and say, "I don't feel like talking right now. I'm going to sit and stare at the ocean." and my friend says, "OK." No worries of hurting someone's feelings. I need a break sometimes.
5.) Come up with a list of rules. A list of concrete, cannot be broken, deal-breaker kind of rules. My Girl Trip rules are simple: Do not wake someone who is sleeping without prior approval. Do not attempt to pressure anyone into doing anything: this is their vacation. Do not bring anything you are not willing to share. No babies! If your baby is still nursing, I'll see you next year.

There is always the risk of hurting someone's feelings by not inviting them. There was a situation once where a friend that was going on the trip was asked by her other friend, who was very needy, if she could come too. My answer was a resounding, "No!" If one person on the trip is stressed out by even one other person, the whole dynamic is off and the trip will suck.

So my advice is: Never invite yourself on someone else's Girl Trip. Plan your own.

There have been several occasions when other friends planned a trip and I was not invited. I chose not to get my feelings hurt. They can't invite everyone. It's not personal. Instead, I looked at my friends and thought about who among them would be a balm to my soul. Then I planned a trip. That was ten years ago.

People have asked me how I convinced Chris to "let" me go. Hmmm. I didn't convince him. I simply asked if he minded if my sister and I went away for a day or two so that I could have an off day. He was very supportive of it. I'll bet that if you give your husband the chance, he will do this lovely thing for you.

Warning: the week or two before you leave, things will go a little haywire. You will question your decision to go. You have to arrange childcare. Make sure your sweet husband has plenty of food. Get the laundry done, the dishes washed, the bags packed. Who will feed the dog? Then the air conditioner will break. (The day before this trip one of the girl's van broke down and had to be put in the shop.) Or your child cries and says she will miss you.

Advice: Persevere. Push through. Evil does not want you to be refreshed and ministered to. Go on your trip anyway. All the crazy will be there when you get back. Put it out of your mind and relax. It's okay.

My mother never had girlfriends and as a result, she put my sister and I in that place. We should never have had to do that. Women need friends and our daughters need to see us with our friends. It helps them later in life but it also helps them now. It gives them someone else to trust and look up to. And our sons need to learn how to care for their future wives.

In conclusion:
As much as I would love to buy the world a coke, or take them to the beach, I cannot. And that's okay. The same goes for you. Find your group. Take them on a trip. When you come back, you will be closer to one another and therefore, better able to incorporate others into your group of friends. The majority of a woman's discipleship comes from intimate friendships. Be that mentor. Be that deep friend. Just not on a Girl Trip.

Time to Relax

I feel like I finished this school year in a doggie paddle, barely keeping my chin above water. I don't think the swimming got any harder but I got more and more fatigued. I did the calculations: I put more than 20,000 miles on my van this school year. No wonder I'm so tired.

Sunday: until March, church twice a day, once in Moody, once in Springville
Monday: school/piano
Tuesday: CORE (where Mags and Ty took credit classes) and Grace worked Mother's Day Out
Wednesday: school/church/hang out with Springville ladies
Thursday: Co-op in Trussville, seminary class with Chris at night
Friday: CORE and every other week: errands and grocery shopping, followed by Fri Nite
Saturday: catch up/kid activities/work day/school prep

I really, truly enjoy my life. I like being with my kids all the time. I like the closeness we have, the way we talk about everything and do fun stuff together. I like studying and teaching new things. I like seeing them hang out with their friends and make new ones. I  like seeing them learn and grow. I like homeschooling. I really do.

Fun, wonderful, awesome activities wear you out. Have you ever been to a water park, or Six Flags? It's sooo fun! You never want the day to end, but when it does... CRASH! My kids are usually asleep before we leave the parking lot! Good things make you tired too.

So I am glad it is summer for us. We didn't take a Spring Break. We pushed through. We'll keep doing math and English two days a week during the summer, but we're taking the rest of May off.

But it feels really weird, sitting here in my living room with no where to go... *sigh*... I feel like I'm forgetting something. Like I should be somewhere already. Hmmm. How do you, what's that word? Oh! Relax. How do you do that again???

Margaret Sarah

I remember when my friend and mentor, Maja's daughter turned 16. It was really weird to me. Laura was one of my flower girls and she was such a sweet little girl. Sixteen is when I was confronted with the reality that she was growing up and it was an odd feeling to me.

Now my own child is sixteen. Take any weirdness I mentioned in the previous paragraph and quadruple it. Sixteen. I find it hard to believe.

During the ultrasound when I was pregnant with her, I remember the moment the tech said, "It's a girl!" My very first thought was, "She's going to hate me!" For days I lived in fear, until God reminded me to just enjoy her. Enjoy her every day, starting with her in the womb and I have consciously tried to do that. There have been moments when maybe she did hate me, but as I hugged her this morning I thought, "She doesn't hate me." It made me tear up.

We (Chris, Ty, Gracie, Brody and I) woke her up by circling around her bed and singing to her. Then Chris and I gave her her gift. We gave her a really cool jewelry box and, more importantly, my mother's Smoky Topaz ring. It was my mother's favorite piece of jewelry. I can still see how it looked on her hand. As I hugged Maggie afterwards, it was all I could do to not ruin the moment with my sobs.

My tears come from this really mixed up place. Gratitude: I've been allowed to raise this beautiful girl and keep her for 16 years. Fear: I know that one day, not so far away, she will leave home and I will miss her terribly. Joy: She still loves me. She doesn't hate me as I feared she would. Sadness: I wish my mother was still here to know her. And then whatever emotion it is that is overwhelmed when presented with such deep beauty.

Maggie is indeed beautiful. She has a pretty face, sure, but her soul is lovely. She is passionate about life and her family. She brings life and joy and energy wherever she goes. She appreciates everything she is given. She struggles and refuses to give up. She has such a heart for the forgotten, the lost, and the hopeless. She understands the gospel and longs to be used by God. She sacrifices so much and so often for the sake of the Cross and it humbles me.

I wish you could all know her. She is NOT perfect, but she is lovely. Letting go of her will break my heart but even in the midst of that I can already see how God will use her for His glory. It's an exciting thing to watch. Wherever it may be, the people around her will be blessed just by knowing her. I know I am.

Fear

I dreamed last night that Chris died. In the dream, I pulled one of his shirts out of the dirty clothes hamper and put it in a ziplock bag to retain his smell for as long as I could. The grief I felt in that dream was so real that I woke up with tears in my eyes and an ache in my chest.

It was only made worse by the fact that he's in Anniston at work so I couldn't just roll over, put my head on his chest and hear his heart beating. I texted him, but he's doing rounds and won't see his phone for a few hours.

My fear tells me that he still has to make the long drive home and what if?... I used to listen to those fears. Indulge them. I would work myself into a stomach wrenching panic.

I know what it is to lose someone I love to a sudden death. My very best friend in high school died that way. She was a year older than me and already attending Jack State. I was going to spend the weekend with her at college and it was going to be awesome. But first I had to speak at the PTF meeting at the school. I don't remember what I said, but I was the poster child, the teacher's pet, so I spoke.

Lori was supposed to be at the school to pick me up before 7. We were going to leave from there and she would bring me home on Sunday evening. By 7:30 she still wasn't there and I was annoyed. She tended to be late for everything. I had to call my dad to come get me. He put his shoes on and left the house. I griped all the way home. But when I walked through the front door and took one look at my mother's face, I knew something was really, really wrong.

I can't remember my mother's exact words, but I do remember the physical pain in my chest that made me collapse to the sofa. It truly felt like my heart was being ripped apart.

Lori was on her way to get me when she crossed the center line and hit a car head on. She died instantly.

Everything changed. My other best friend and I grew apart. I distanced myself from everyone. I stuffed my anger with God. I quit eating. I graduated in a fog. I remember one night telling one of my friends, who was also one of my teachers, how angry I was. He made the mistake of telling me that Lori wouldn't want me to be angry. I don't remember exactly what it was I threw at his head. He went and got a pastor friend of his. I don't even remember the man's name now, but we went for a walk in the darkened parking lot and he told me it was okay to be angry. He let me scream my rage and then held me while I wept, reassuring me that God still loved me.

I know what it is to lose. I know the kind of pain that changes you. But the thoughts of losing Chris are beyond my comprehension. Therefore, I "take every thought captive to obey Christ". (2 Cor 10:5) I chose in this moment to not fear, to trust. To believe that He will hold me, uphold me, no matter what. He is enough. His grace is sufficient.

I really wish Chris would call me back.

Squirrel Face-Off

I have the funniest story to tell and if you want to copy and share, that's fine, just give credit where you got it...

My dad is a handyman. I'm not giving him a compliment here; people pay him money to do odd jobs. Last week, he and Ty ran electrical conduit and wire at a house on the river. (my dad's also an electrician) This week, Dad called and explained the job they were going to do. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

It seems there's an older couple he knows that he does odd jobs for periodically. A few days ago, they called because there was a squirrel in the wall of their den. Dad went over and removed the squirrel and put up mesh in the attic to keep it from getting back in. What they didn't know was that there was another squirrel in the wall. Who was now trapped.

The old man heard scratching and clawing in the wall and was very concerned. He sat in his chair and stared at the wall. Soon he noticed a small hole developing where the squirrel was gnawing at the sheetrock. He started to panic, so as a defense, he put a piece of duct tape over the hole. (well played...)

When the persistent animal started chewing through the duct tape (or what dad called "gray squirrel imprisonment tape"), the old man really panicked. The only logical course of action he could come up with was a .22. Yes, he ran to the closet, grabbed his gun, and shot several holes in the wall where the squirrel was.

Result: dead squirrel.

Dad and Ty's job:

1. cut a hole in the wall
2. remove dead squirrel
3. patch hole
4. patch bullet holes
5. extend the mesh in the attic
6. go outside and patch the bullet holes in the exterior siding
7. commiserate with the poor guy's wife who was gardening at the time of the incident and was almost SHOT!

I'm still laughing. Dad said if you take this guy's natural instincts, turn the 180` around, you get the right decision.

Moral of the story:
Duct tape cannot conquer squirrels. Guns can.

Homemade Laundry Soap

A few people have asked me for the recipe I use for laundry soap. It's a lot cheaper (about $6 per year!) and cleans just as well. I make mine in a five gallon bucket and only have to make it about twice a year. It's really, really quick and easy to make. I promise!!!

All you need:
1 cup Borax
1 cup Washing Soda (Arm and Hammer)
A Bar of Bath Soap
A 5 Gal. Bucket

Grate 2/3 of a bar of soap. Add slowly to simmering water on the stove top until melted. Add the Borax and Washing Soda slowly, stirring until dissolved.

In the bucket, add some hot water from the tap, then pour in the soap mixture. Stir. Add lukewarm water until the bucket has about 4 gallons of water in it. Put the lid on it and let it set for 24 hours. It will gel and end up looking sort of like white egg drop soup. :o) The whole process takes only about twenty minutes. Not bad, right?

*Don't use moisturizing soap.

This soap is low sudsing and I use it in my HE front loader but it can be used in a top loader too.

Church Planting

It's a really beautiful day outside. 68 degrees and sunny. Perfection. Chris has the day off. My dad is here just to hang out and there are 7 extra kids at my house. The two neighbor boys walked up and are playing catch in the front yard. Kristine spent the night with Gracie and the Hill kids are here while Kim and Quinn go to Virginia's dad's funeral.

Darrin, Brandon, Steven and Nate came up this morning and met Chris and I at the church plant's building. We made a list of things that need to be done and then they stayed to cut the grass. It looks so much better already. I'm so thankful for these guys!

Church planting has been described as "intense" and I would have to agree. To a certain extent, all ministry is intense. Any time you take your family into a situation where you are attempting to bring the gospel into an area where it has been absent is fraught with danger. People are suspicious and resistant. Churches get competitive. And your own heart gets frightened. I've heard planters talk about the frustration, the fear and the attacks. I've talked with one godly woman, who I thought was already so humble, who talked about the process of being broken. During one period of time, I looked around and asked what in the world we were doing. Why would I stay in a place where God is pealing back the layers of my flesh. That hurts.

I have an artist friend, Michelle. She painted this one particular canvas that has become God's word picture to my heart. The painting is of a girl with a jeweled tiara. The words on the canvas are, "Like any good princess, she laid down her life for the kingdom." My superficial happiness is distinctly unimportant. This short life is not what I'm living for. There is a King and a kingdom, and I am His princess and I lay down my life for him. He already gave his life for me. It's a beautiful truth. He died so I could live. He gave everything so I could have fellowship.

For me to give up temporary pleasure or my idols of comfort can feel like a huge sacrifice sometimes. But looking at it from the other side, it is NO sacrifice.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

There is always a cross we are to take up. For some, it is to be a martyr. For others, it is to raise their children, day in and day out, in the way they should go, even when they fear their children will not like them. In the face of fear and anger, or misunderstanding and condemnation, to follow Christ takes on a very different tone.

A friend asked me this week, in utter defeat, what to do about a child who throws tantrums all day long. What does she do to "fix" that problem? Another friend talked to me about the pain of never seeing her husband because he's ministering to other people. How does she get his attention? I could go on and on. The common thread there seems to be wanting to make the problem go away. Surely if we're following God, things will go well for us.

But maybe God has something else in mind. Maybe he's bigger and more complicated than that. Maybe his primary goal is NOT our comfort and happiness. Maybe he wants us to trust him, no matter what. Even when we are misunderstood, or judged, or reviled, or ignored. That may mean that we hold our ground with a stubborn child and discipline ten times a day for years before we see a heart change. It may mean that we continue to tell our spouse what our heart needs over and over again, feeling the hurt of that until they finally understand, no matter how long it takes. It may mean keeping our hearts soft towards someone who hurts us even when everything in us screams to cover up, give up, harden ourselves.

God is so good to us. He strips us bare so that we can finally behold him as he really is, not as we want him to be. He speaks the truth into our hearts, even though it hurts, because he knows the truth will set us free. He loves us with a furious, relentless love. Oh how I pray for love to be able to love him back.

Cold Feet and Scratching

The first thing on my mind right now is that my feet are cold. No, not cold... freezing. I think I'll go find my ski socks. Be right back...

Better. Now... the second thing on my mind is much more complicated and less easily fixed. Place and Story.

Chris has been listening to a sermon series on the theology of place. It's complicated and more than I can explain in a paragraph, but very simply put, it means live WHERE YOU ARE. It means if you live in a town, minister in that town. If you work someplace, minister in that place. Shop in your own town from stores that are local. Put your money into your local economy. Stop looking into the distance and living for a theoretical future. Live now, where you are.

Story. God has been gently pulling me to a place where I can confront my own story. There are things in my childhood I have never faced. Things that scare me. Things I ignore. When asked if there were any traumatic events in my childhood, I used to always say no, it was normal, happy even. When Gordon (my Christian counselor) asked me, the Holy Spirit brought several things to mind. Not good things.

Why now? Why can't I keep ignoring it? I dunno. The sermon Sunday night provoked a thought about my childhood. I heard someone, just this week, bring up the title of a Dan Allender book that Gordon recommended two years. I decided to pick up the new Bible study Chris got me for the wives of church-planters. First chapter: The Myths of Story. *sigh*

To quote: "It is our belief that the more we know and become familiar with our own stories, developing self-awareness and healthy critical thinking, the more we have the capacity to know God and his story. When we truly see our pasts for what they are, then we can begin to understand how we have sought to bring peace into our lives apart from relying on Christ. We begin to see where we have created idols to give us a false sense of hope and comfort. We being to see how we relate to others apart from relying on Christ. ... The more we open doors to our past, the more freedom we encounter. It is this freedom that draws others to the life-giving hope we possess."

*sigh*

I started a Word doc to track my memories. Some of the things I have recorded are messed up. Some are happy. But I get the distinct feeling that I am scratching at a rough patch of skin that could rupture at any time. That maybe there's some really f'ed up stuff under there. Stuff I am afraid that I'll never be able to make sense of. Is that really better than ignoring it?

I guess we'll find out. I think I'll go scratch at it a little while longer.

A Sunny Irish Day

Is it a stretch to combine trebuchets and St. Patrick's Day? I hope not because that's what we did today.

In my co-op class we have been talking about the history of weapons and warfare. So far we've learned about the Tang dynasty and the invention of gunpowder, the Mongol invasion, Vikings, the Mayans and Aztecs, the spread of Islam and Werner von Braun's V-2 rockets. Diverse, I know. Anything to keep me from having to study guns. Blah. Boring.

This week we are studying Medieval Britain and Ireland. (thus, the trebuchet) I found the pattern here. It was not hard or expensive. Chris precut all the wood and he and I assembled one yesterday just to make sure we knew what to do. This morning he helped the kids and it only took about an hour.

Missy's geography class was on Ireland and St. Patrick's Day since that is day after tomorrow. They had a handout this week about it and today we had an Irish feast. Roasted chicken and carrots with Roasties. Roasties are roasted potatoes.

Recipe:

Peel and quarter several potatoes.

Boil for 5 minutes with a little salt.

Drain and let dry out for an hour or so.

Put them back in the cook pot with the lid and shake!

Put some duck fat (or olive oil) in the roasting pan and let preheat 5 minutes.

Add the potatoes. Top with salt, pepper and herbs (rosemary from the garden).

Cook 22 minutes on 350.

Take them out, flip them over, add a little more oil and herbs, put them back in.

Cook another 22 minutes.

DELICIOUS!!!

After we ate, we skyped with Laura, AJ and Bella Morgan for over an hour. The kids asked lots of questions. What are the toilets like? What do you eat for breakfast? Do they have beef jerky in Ireland? What kind of sports do you play? How is St Patrick's Day celebrated? Do you have stores like WalMart? etc. etc. etc.

AJ told us about hurling and showed us his hurler and slither. Super cool! Bella told us how to ask to use the bathroom in Irish. She showed us what their cereal boxes look like. We got a grand tour of the house. Steve and Eli popped into frame long enough to make us laugh. And Laura and I kept on talking while Kim was teaching Science.

The kids had a great day learning today. I love watching them laugh and experiment. I love when they get excited about learning. It puts all the days when school is an exercise in discipline into perspective.

Now, the sun is shining and Titan and I are swinging on the porch swing. The boys are in the woods looking for the perfect stick to use as the firing mechanism for their seige machine. The girls are running around in the yard doing who knows what. Kim is asleep on the sofa. It's been a really lovely day. I am very thankful!

A Sword Will Pierce Your Soul

I shall preface this post with a comment on perception. Perception is a funny thing. The way a person perceives information is dependant on their experience or life state, at the time. So two people can listen to the same set of instructions or the same sermon and perceive two different things. Today's sermon spoke LOADS to me. It might have spoken to other people as well, but what they gleaned from it would be different from myself. Confused? I am. Whatev... on with the point of this post.


Our home church is planting a sister church in the town where we live. My husband is the elder for this plant. We have come to the stage in the process where it is time for us to make the transition from our home church to our new church. Why am I telling you this? Background is needed and I'll try to keep it brief.

My parents were vaguely unhappy most of my childhood. Okay. More than vaguely, if you count the suicide attempts. So we bounced from church to church. I don't blame them for this, seeing as how they were trying the best the could. By the time I was 17, I was ready to grow some roots. I was tired of the gossip and the chaos of the churches we had been to, and the Lord led me to a PCA church. (This in no way implies that only PCA churches are valid. This is just my experience.) I was comforted by the church government. It made me feel safe to know that the preacher couldn't run the church like a dictatorial regime and the "leadership" couldn't run him off if they didn't like the way he parted his hair. There was structure and safety in having a session of elders.

I joined Community when I was 17. I was in the youth group. I graduated and moved into the singles group. I met my husband there. I was discipled. I had my babies. I was shown how to mother. I was introduced to grace. I was taught. I was trained to lead. I grew up. I participated in Women's Ministry. I was comforted when my parents divorced. I saw what unity looked like when there was no gossip about it. I was supported through tragedies.

When Chris mentioned church planting, my answer was a simple but emphatic, "No." I could not even contemplate leaving my volitional family. But God worked in my heart and gave me a desire to move into my own community and share the gospel.

Now, it is time to make the move. It is time to leave my safe, wonderful, happy, comfortable, precious nest. It is time to say a goodbye to that family and give my heart to another family. I will, of course, never truly leave Community. They are my history. They are my heart.

Today was our last regular Sunday there. My children's hearts are broken.

(now to the perception part. Here is my take on Burt's sermon)

This morning, Burt preached out of John 19, when Mary was standing at the foot of the cross, watching her son be brutally murdered. Jesus told her to take John as her son and John to take Mary as his mother. Burt took us back to Luke 2, when Simeon blessed Jesus in the temple and told Mary that "a sword will pierce through you own soul also".

Right now it feels as though my soul is being pierced through.

Burt went on to point out that when Mary was in that agonizing place, Jesus saw her and provided a comfort for her. He saw her pain and met her in that place. When I am in grief and sorrow, Jesus sees me. He sees me from heaven and gives me himself. He doesn't ignore it. He comforts me.

When I took communion today, I could hear the Spirit reminding me, "Christ's body broken for you. He sees you. He knows." I couldn't stop crying. It was beautiful.

The rest of the sermon pointed out Christ's reconciliation with John who had abandoned him in the garden and the creation of a new family. John took care of Mary. She came to live with him.

God is moving us away from our true family, but he will not abandon us. He will not turn us out into the desert. He is providing another family for us. It will take a while for the relationships to be built and it may never be the same as Community, but there is no doubt that God is sending us.

I ask you to pray for my teenagers. This move is hardest on them, I think. Pray for Chris and I as we parent them through this. I think my biggest fear is that they will hate God and hate Chris and I for doing this to them. I long for them to see God's goodness in this. Pray for us as we actively and deliberately seek out relationships in Springville. Pray for Maggie and I as we trust God with our fears of being forgotten by the ones we love most.

Who knew that God would lead us into church planting? Yowza. Not me. I think moving to Peru would have been easier in some ways.

Someone else listening to this sermon may have perceived something completely different, but that's where I was today and I don't think I'll ever forget it. God spoke straight into my heart. Thank you, Burt for bringing it today. Have you been reading my mail???

Let's Rediscover over a Cuppa...

I was resistant to joining Facebook for a long time. I loved blogging and I adored my Blog Community. I think I had almost 25 or 30 blog links on my page. Most of these were people I knew but there were some of people who were either inspiring or just plain fascinating. I would log on every night after the kids went to bed and check in on my people.

My friend, Jawan, introduced me to the blogosphere. She started one and I followed her religiously. Once I started my own, it seemed like more and more people jumped in with me. My sister kept hers light-hearted. My pastor and brother-of-my-heart, G, varied. Sometimes his were frenetically hilarious; other times, heart-wrenchingly honest and moving. Another blog was from a guy named Nate who lived up north somewhere. His posts were fascinating as he navigated his new married life and teaching jr high.

And then Facebook came along. I didn't want to leave my sweet little nest. I was talked into it. There were some things I loved about it. I found friends from ages ago and we could chat like we were once again sitting in Economics class passing notes. What's not to love about that? I found my Algebra teacher and my high school mentor. I found kids (now adults) that I used to babysit. I found my best friend from third grade. This was awesome!

But somewhere along the way, something changed. All the depth was sucked out of the connections. Blogging allowed me to make a statement or a claim and then spend 500 words explaining it. On FB I became very cautious of my status updates, because I just didn't know who might be reading it. I didn't want my family to misunderstand a snarky comment or my high school friends to misinterpret me and think I was still the same self-righteous prig I used to be.

Facebook makes me rise back to the surface of myself and be pleasant. Admit it. You don't put deep feelings on a status. You don't want to post, "Cried myself to sleep last night. I don't think I want to be a mother any more." What?!?! DHR will be knocking any minute. Or how about posting, "My sin overwhelms me. I long for heaven." My aunt would have the suicide hotline make a house call.

But blogging... ahhh, that quiet little bubble where only people who WANT to know me come. That still place where I can think through my thoughts and send the results out into the void, not knowing who, if anyone, will read it.

I used to blog two or three times a week. I haven't blogged with any substance in almost a year. Maybe more. I don't like that. I like thinking and typing. I miss sending things out into the great unknown and waving as it goes. I like to be poetic sometimes. And I really like you... whoever you may be, who is reading this right now. I'm waving at you. Wave back with a review if you want. You don't have to; it's not required.

Facebook will continue to be in my life. I have the app after all. But my blog will be my dear, old friend that I sit down with and drink a cuppa and tell all my problems, joys and fears... You're invited too. Come on in. Do you like cream and sugar with your coffee?

Redeeming the House and my Heart

Today, I cleaned out my big hall closet. A lot. Like to the tune of purging three garbage bags out of it. I am so tired of my house being full of s*#t, pardon my cartoon french. I have lost count of how much stuff I've given away. It's so much that my friends are seriously worried that we're moving overseas. My hall closet now has space for more coats and room on the shelf. The bigger hall closet (deemed the "Tornado Closet" because of its location at the center of the house) has floor space and the topmost shelf is almost empty. Maggie's closet, where I had stuff stored, is now empty of my stuff. Next project: the Attic! Duh duh duh *cue scary music* I am so done. It's amazing how much stuff we've accumulated.

In the process, I homeschooled. Ty and I went through his entire Algebra book to date and went over the processes that he was unsure of. Brody and I did a math lesson and then I gave him some books on tape to keep him busy and happy. A while later, I heard his growl of frustration and made my way to where he was nested, only to find out "the stupid tape is broken!"... except it was at the end of the tape and needed to either be flipped over or rewound. For a child raised with his own iPod, this was a major inconvenience. He made himself a sandwich while it rewound.

Maggie and I had a great, ongoing conversation about life today. She's ridiculously funny. So witty. She got a new full sized bed yesterday and she tried not to move from it today. She ate, did school, helped me sort boxes, all from the squishy firmness of her "big girl" bed.

Chris and I discussed the cluster that was Maggie's check up yesterday. Her pediatrician is losing his mind. He interrupted, assumed, and lectured to the point that I was almost rude to him. He stopped. Chris recommended a carefully worded email.

I did all these things almost simultaneously today. My house isn't super clean but it is tidy. The kids did their school. The closets got cleaned. I got several long, whispery hugs from Chris that I am completely addicted to. And I found this... a page of homework from the very first time I went through Discipling by Grace circa 1999:

"While trying to do this assignment - Chris wants help going through his suits to give some away, Maggie wants to have a dialogue on why we should go to McDonald's, and Ty lets me know that he has poop in his pants. I get VERY angry every time I hear "Mommy! Mommy!" I'M TRYING TO WORK!"

And

"I woke up - sick, fatigued. Then I look around and now I'm overwhelmed. The floors need vacuuming, there are dishes in the sink, the table is full of the junk I emptied out of the van, my desk is overrun with papers, there are toys everywhere, the bathroom is dirty, etc, etc, etc. I end up either doing nothing and feeling disgusted with myself OR I push myself to clean and am mean to the kids and get even sicker."

I was dumbstruck at the difference in myself in the last twelve years. I wish I could go back in time and get myself to understand that the children and Chris WERE my job. Who gives a flying rat's ass about the dishes or the vacuuming? Those are just things that needed doing. My family was my job. I remember being so task oriented that Maggie and Ty were just interruptions.

In my defense, that's how you do every other job on the face of the earth. You have a job description. You have a list of tasks that need to be done and you do them. But being a mother is not a list of tasks or a job; it is a living, breathing, organic experience. It's not like pooping. It's like breathing. You don't put it off or try to hurry it along. You just breathe.

And also in my defense, I was still relatively new (just a few years) to the whole experience of washing dishes and clothes and cooking... I still had to think about them. As time has gone on and I've gotten so accustomed to doing those things, I don't have to give them a second thought. Remember when you learned to tie your shoes? For years after, you had to force your fingers into the right position, maybe even repeat under your breath the steps, "X them over, loop, over, under, loop, through, pull." When's the last time you had to think about tying your shoes? Huh? You can't even remember. You can talk on the phone, do whatever, and tie your shoes. That's what housework is like to me now. I do it without ever giving it conscious thought. But back then, back when my kids were little, I still had to think about it. And add to that the constant demand of their persistent voices and no wonder I got so frustrated!

The older I've gotten, the more relaxed I've gotten. There's a reason for that: I am not defined by the state of my house or how nice my kids are to me. My kids are sinners just like me. They don't mean to be unkind to me. They don't try to hurt my feelings. They are just like me. I don't try to be selfish or say mean things to people. But I get caught up in my own little world and before I know it, I've hurt someone. That's what they did to me. Poor things. They had no idea why I was so angry with them all the time.

I mentioned this to them tonight and asked them if they remembered it. Nope. Not even a little. They have no recollection of a messy house or a screaming mother. They remembered the walks we took in the woods and the trips to my mother's house. And today, my two oldest, at different times without knowledge of the other, came to me, hugged me and told me thank you for all the ways I helped them today.

I wish I could tell my younger self to hang in there. One day, they get older and become aware of you as a person. One day, all that housework becomes second nature. One day, they clean up after themselves. One day, they look down upon you and say "Thank you."

God's grace is sufficient. For my sin, for my children's memories, and for my heart. He is making even this right. Redemption is a beautiful thing.