Margaret Sarah

I remember when my friend and mentor, Maja's daughter turned 16. It was really weird to me. Laura was one of my flower girls and she was such a sweet little girl. Sixteen is when I was confronted with the reality that she was growing up and it was an odd feeling to me.

Now my own child is sixteen. Take any weirdness I mentioned in the previous paragraph and quadruple it. Sixteen. I find it hard to believe.

During the ultrasound when I was pregnant with her, I remember the moment the tech said, "It's a girl!" My very first thought was, "She's going to hate me!" For days I lived in fear, until God reminded me to just enjoy her. Enjoy her every day, starting with her in the womb and I have consciously tried to do that. There have been moments when maybe she did hate me, but as I hugged her this morning I thought, "She doesn't hate me." It made me tear up.

We (Chris, Ty, Gracie, Brody and I) woke her up by circling around her bed and singing to her. Then Chris and I gave her her gift. We gave her a really cool jewelry box and, more importantly, my mother's Smoky Topaz ring. It was my mother's favorite piece of jewelry. I can still see how it looked on her hand. As I hugged Maggie afterwards, it was all I could do to not ruin the moment with my sobs.

My tears come from this really mixed up place. Gratitude: I've been allowed to raise this beautiful girl and keep her for 16 years. Fear: I know that one day, not so far away, she will leave home and I will miss her terribly. Joy: She still loves me. She doesn't hate me as I feared she would. Sadness: I wish my mother was still here to know her. And then whatever emotion it is that is overwhelmed when presented with such deep beauty.

Maggie is indeed beautiful. She has a pretty face, sure, but her soul is lovely. She is passionate about life and her family. She brings life and joy and energy wherever she goes. She appreciates everything she is given. She struggles and refuses to give up. She has such a heart for the forgotten, the lost, and the hopeless. She understands the gospel and longs to be used by God. She sacrifices so much and so often for the sake of the Cross and it humbles me.

I wish you could all know her. She is NOT perfect, but she is lovely. Letting go of her will break my heart but even in the midst of that I can already see how God will use her for His glory. It's an exciting thing to watch. Wherever it may be, the people around her will be blessed just by knowing her. I know I am.