Here's an actual picture of my other cousin, Brad. He's one of my most favorite people in the world. He and his wife Mandie live in Pompano Beach, Florida. Brad's a youth pastor.

They came up for Christmas and made the journey to our house tonight. We laughed, we talked theology, we drank coffee. Perfection.

Les and Amber came over, it being Friday night and all, and got to meet them. Good times. Wish you all could have been here.

New Year's Eve

If you're reading this and you know me or know someone else who knows me, you are invited to my house for New Year's Eve.



Kim and I always have a party, usually a Time Warp party. This means once everyone arrives at 6:30, we set the clocks ahead 2 hours. Then at "midnight" we ring in the New Year. This way, every one can be home and have the kids asleep by about 10:45.



This year is a Pajama Party. So if you come, wear comfy, warm p.j.s and bring something good to eat. Fun. Fun. Fun.

My Cousin

Here is a picture of what my cousin Justin looks like. This is actually a picture of the actor Craig Beirko but I promise, it's creepy how much they look alike.

Today

I'm such a sneak.

I'm in Jasper. I've been at my Nanny and PawPaw's house most of the day. We took the kids to Mother's grave first. Then we came to my Uncle Teddy's house for my Aunt Kay's surprise 50th birthday party. Fun times. Really. No sarcasm.

Anyways, I sorta don't wanna leave yet cause the kids are playing really well and I don't want to fight that battle yet. So, I sneaked into the computer room to check my email and now I'm blogging. I guess that means I'm pathetic. Oh well.

We played Dirty Santa today. My family ended up with a snake light, a mini-tower fan and a box of candy. I was gunning for a travel black and white television/lantern/radio combo for camping. I lost it though. My Uncle Steve got my favorite gift that I brought: a hula girl dash doll. Ha! Very funny moment.

Teddy and I took Gracie out to my Mother's house. She didn't remember it at all. I was telling her this week about memories of my great grandmother and great grandfather who also lived in that house. It was pretty cool.

Before it was a house, it was my granddad's drive-in restaurant. Pete's Drive In had 4 walk up windows. One, two and three were for white people. Four was not. I told Gracie about it. She was as appalled as I remember being as a child when I found out.

Well, I hear a crowd coming. Gotta go.

A Letter to Santa

My friend Eva sent this to me. It cracked me up. I thought it might make you laugh too.




Dear Santa,

I've been a good mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of chocolate bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mummy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare tomato sauce a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organised crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MUM...!

Randomness

I hate buying groceries in the rain. I don't like the wetness on the bags and my head and the puddles that I inevitably step in. But I got it done today. In the rain. And the cold. Blah.

My head hurts. Another migraine. My heart doc changed my meds but it doesn't seem to be helping.

I forgot to buy a present for my uncle. I drew his name this year. I thought about buying him a pillow that straps to his neck cause, I swear, the man's narcoleptic. He sleeps every time he sits down. Maybe I'll buy him coffee. :o)

I'm looking forward to seeing my family. My cousin Brad, who lives in Miami, will be here. WooHoo. Cannot wait. He is one of the funniest people in the world. Most of my cousins are funny. We laugh our butts off. The kids just look at us like we're crazy, but we don't care. We only get to see each other once a year so we just let loose and enjoy each other. This, btw, is the family of giants. I am the shortest person in my family and I'm 5'6". Even my Granny is taller than me. Can't wait!

I love Christmas! Love love love it. Merry Christmas to you.

To all my loyal followers:

Or maybe just the women who are desperate for affirmation:

Or the women that I like to refer to as 'my social life':

My home will be open as usual this Friday night for girl's night out. Come one, come all.

You do not have to be big, little, fat, skinny, smart, not so much smart, pretty (like me), ugly, stay-at-home mom, working-outside-the-home mom, or even a mom at all. You just have to be a girl, preferably of legal drinking age who wants to have fun. ... Wait, that reminds me of a Cyndi Lauper song. Must look it up on Project Playlist now.

Love

Sometimes it feels like love comes easily. Other times it seems almost impossible. It's very easy to get along with people when they behave and agree with us. But is that really love?

When Chris and I were engaged, I asked him why he loved me. I was hoping for a 'you're so pretty/smart/funny' response. But instead, he said, "Because I choose to." It hurt my feelings at first, until I realized that his answer was soooo much better. Because what if I'm horrifically scarred and I'm not pretty? What if I have brain trauma and I'm not smart anymore? Then will he love me? What about when I'm a butt and treat him terribly? What about when I'm enormously pregnant and bloated and can't see to shave my legs or clip my toenails? What then?

He explained to me that he knew that God had given me to him and that he would always choose me. Not matter what. He would always love me.

His love for me taught me about God's love for me. It does not depend on what I do or how well I do it. God's love is not dependant on me for anything. He just loves me. He chose me to be His. That's so much better that I had ever even known to hope for.

So how do I feel love for an ego maniacal, self-absorbed preteen or a whiny complainer? Sometimes, I just can't. I may go a long time without feeling affection for them, but I can love them. I can choose to be for them. Choose to put their needs above my own. Choose to love them.

That's really hard to do when my flesh is crying out for relief, reprieve. That requires a dying to self. That is a full fledged murder of the flesh, not a slap on the wrist. My flesh does not want to die. But tough. I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live (my flesh) but Christ who lives in me. And if that unlovable person is a believer, the same thing applies to them.

Oh, how I long for heaven. When sin is gone and love is tangible. When I can love others perfectly. I ache inside with the longing to be there. It would surely be gain.

So where does that leave me? Well, to live is Christ and to die is gain. I do not live this life just for me. I live for the glory of God and benefit of others. Which is so hard to do when I feel trapped in this body of sin. It's so hard to remember that I'm not trapped, I've been set free. Free to repent. To love. To believe.

I know that this post seems to ramble on but it sometimes takes me a while to find the gospel. It really is like soap - slippery, hard to grasp.

I'm so glad that God's holding on to me and not the other way around.

P.F. Chang's

Just thought I'd report back.

One spring roll = 2 points
Shanghai cucumbers = .5
Garlic Snap Peas = 1

1/4 Crispy Honey Chicken = 5.5
1/4 Mongolian Beef = 6.5

Rice and Noodles = 5
Decaf Coffee = 2

For a grand total of .... drum roll... = 22.5!

I went into Chang's having used only 5 points for the day. So, I only used 3.5 bonus points. Hurrah!

Last night was so much fun. Thank you to G for thinking of 'Parent's Night Out' and working it. And Laura, Quinn and the Davis' for working. It was lovely.

Food

Just a note... did you know that P.F. Chang's Mongolian Beef has 73 grams of fat? 73!!!! And their Hot and Sour Soup has 15 grams of fat.

On Weight Watchers, I'm allotted 24 points per day. If I went to P.F.Chang's and ate: spring rolls, hot and sour soup, Crispy Honey Chicken and drank a Sprite, that's 50 points. More than 2 days worth.

But if I go and eat: spring rolls, wonton soup and half the order of Crispy Honey Chicken and drink water, that's only 26 points. Still a lot, but I can use my bonus points for the extra and I've been eating really low points in preparation. Completely do-able.

I saw a guy on the Today Show who wrote a book called "Eat This Not That". He said that you would be better off eating 14 Krispie Kreme doughnuts than a large strawberry frappacino (sp?) from Starbucks! What? He gave other examples that blew my mind. We honestly do not think about what we're eating most of the time.

So, I'm paying attention. My weight plateau is over. I'm ready to lose some more weight.

Gracie can talk... a lot! She reminds me so much of myself. My mother always said that I could talk to a stump if I could get it to stand still long enough. Grace meets no strangers.

There is an old lady that lives next door to Chris' grandmother. She only has one son, my age, who never married and works all the time. He never comes to see her. She has a little dog named Lou-Lou, who, she says, believes in Santa. Anyways, woe be it to you if she catches you outside. This woman will talk to you forever! I know it's cause she's lonely but if you've got a full bladder, it can be quite painful.

She talks really loudly and abruptly. She 'bout scared the crap outta me this morning. I was halfway up the ladder into the attic in the garage, when she hollered "YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL!" I had no idea she was even outside. I almost fell of the ladder.

So, today, as I was doing some work around the house for Mom, (that's what we all call Chris' grandmother) Grace decided to go outside to visit with Nan. After about 10 or 15 minutes, she came back in and said, "Nan said that she had to go inside and eat breakfast."

My baby out-talked her! Oh yeah. She talked the lady back into her house. It cracked us up.

I realized again this morning just how selfish I am. Here is someone who is lonely and I avoid her. Mom calls her and invites her over for holidays. She's always sharing the gospel with her. And I try to get away from her as quickly as possible.

I'm very thankful for Mom's example. It has been a blessing to be able to spend so much time with her. She's 93 years old. She had a stroke almost 10 years ago. We've been staying with her every Wednesday night for 9 and 1/2 years. We feed her and help her. Last night, we put up all her Christmas decorations: tree, wreaths, village. She rolled her wheelchair into the living room and watched us, laughing and smiling. Good times!

She is confined to her wheelchair and her home but if you ask her, all she'll say is that she has a good life. God has been good to her.

She met Adam and Jordan today. She was surprised at how young Adam is and I think she fell a little in love with Jordan... but then again, who doesn't?

My life is very blessed. I am thankful.

Chasing the Moon

Red, Orange, Full
Epic
Overwhelming the horizon

Climbing, climbing
Racing to be small once more
Catch it
Watch it
Measure it
Time it

Cold breath
Misty puffs
Freezing hands
Hopping
Murmuring amazement

Gone too soon
Into memory
Into legend
Questions
Then quiet

We chased the moon
Catching it for only a moment
Long enough

True, Genuine, Utter Rambling

I want to post. I have much going on. Many things that I could say. I just feel uninspired. And tired. And just a little smidge grumpy.

I'm in the midst of spring cleaning. Which, by the way, has never happened in the spring. Always in the winter. Why is that? Anyway, I've cleaned my baseboards and cabinets. I've dusted. (I only do that a couple times a year. Don't tell my Nanny. She scrubs her walls and dusts every week.) Tomorrow I'm cleaning my carpets.

I've been really whiny for 2 days. Not sure why. I want to lose myself in a really good book. I want to write. I want to be where I am not and do 'something else'. I'm just discontent. Eerrrr. I growl at myself. I am annoyed at my own discontent.

I am also insecure. That little weirdness is coming out to remind me that I am a fraud, a pest and a joke. People around me already know these things about me, they're just too nice to say it. I tell this voice to shut up. I am loved. I am beautiful. I am righteous and forgiven. I am delighted in.

I need the gospel. I need to scream it to myself until I listen. I have everything I need for life and godliness. I have the Spirit. The Father has chosen me and will never change His mind.

I feel better now. Think I'll go to sleep. See you later.