Monday, October 17, 2005

Staying True

How does one keep from getting gobbled up by life? I mean, we all have our own existence, but it seems that it's so easy to be consumed by it. My life is set up around being a wife and mother. My friend, Laura, is a wife and physician's assistant in an inner-city ER. My friend Barry's life is set up to work (a lot) and take care of his parents and sister. And the list goes on.

How is it that responsibilities flood over us and take over our whole being? Yes, I am a mother and wife. And I love it. But I am so much more than just my responsibilities. I love to laugh at stupid jokes and ironies. I love the feel of the wind on my skin in the Spring. I love to write and read and walk through the woods. I am the sum of all my parts not just a few.

I am more than an organizer and cook and teacher. I didn't realize that fact had slipped away a bit until about a year ago. Our friend Barry took me for a ride on his motorcycle. I hadn't ridden in a long, long time. When you're on a bike, you can't talk on the phone or plan a menu. If you're the passenger, all that is possible is to hang on and experience. You can't really have a deep conversation, just snatches of it. I sat on that bike and remembered a part of myself that I'd grown apart from. I am an 'experiencer'. I feel things in a weird kind of way. I notice things. The smells, the sounds, the light on the trees, the feeling of it all.

It was that ride that changed the way I view things. I am the same person I was fifteen years ago. The only difference is that I have more life experience and many more responsibilities. But at heart, I'm still the girl that loves knee-high moccosins and Led Zepplin. I still miss my friend Lori who died all those years ago. I am weird. I am goofy and fun and annoying and emotional and talkative. I am not defined by my job or my sin or my hobbies. I am, quite simply, myself.

God created my personality and sense of humor. He created my sensitivity and all the words swirling in my head. He wants me to think and feel. He thinks I'm funny. He wants me to laugh. He wants me to be true to myself. Because when I am really true to myself, I'm remembering Him. I am saying that the person He created is beautiful. And I want to be her. It's an act of thankfulness to be me.

1 comment:

Marissa Seabolt said...

I'm enjoying your deep thoughts for the day here...I believe you have a gift in expressing yourself in writing. Miss you so much-keep being you-all the things you descibed-Love you- Marissa