Question from a Brat

Rhetorical question: Why is forgiveness so hard?

I know all the biblical answers. I know about pride and unbelief. I know about the importance of it. Then why is it so hard?

When I was pregnant with Maggie, Chris and I went to childbirth classes. They showed us diagrams, videos and plastic models of the birth canal. I was thoroughly briefed and knowledgable about the hows and whats of delivery. But ya know what? It still hurt.

Just knowing the why I should forgive and the how to forgive doesn't make it any less painful. Any less humbling. Any less distasteful. Some things are easier to forgive than others. Some things don't just hurt - they wound. And some things that are hard to forgive are made easier by a heartfelt apology.

Sometimes forgiveness just hurts. I don't want to remember the gospel right now. I don't want to think about my own sin. I want to stomp my foot and scream from the rooftop, "It's not fair!!!".

Maybe I will scream it. And I know that God is working on my heart. Softening it. Dragging me to himself. I just don't particularly like it right now.

Thanks for listening to me be a brat.

G'Night.