Sometimes life is hard. Well, maybe it's just that life is always hard but I just handle it better sometimes.
Last week was the 3 year anniversary of my Mother's death. It seems like this year was the worst year yet. I was depressed. Still am to an extent. Which leads me to eat. I've discovered that I don't eat when I'm angry or happy... just when I'm sad. I gained 3 pounds last week. Which leads me to frustration and more depression.
Why is it so hard to trust God sometimes? There is nothing, not a thing, wrong with being sad about my mother dying. But when I eat, am I trusting? Or am I feeding a longing that cannot be satisfied this side of heaven?
I want to be free. Free from wanting the things that will kill me. Free from desires for things that are not Christ.
I am free but not feeling very free at the moment. Those whom Christ has set free are free indeed.
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4 comments:
This touched me. I,too, struggle to live as though I am free. I am a slave to worry and fear. Thank you for reminding me of my freedom.
I'm sorry you're sad. I'm thankful you have freedom!
I love you and I'm sorry.
Let's run in a field of poppies in slow motion on a day that is 72 degrees and look at each other and laugh.
When I think of free, that's what I think of. Do you think there will be great fields of poppies in heaven? I hope so. Or bluebells. Or daisies. Anything with no snakes in it. I long to run in fields, but hate that the snakes could be lurking somewhere. I literally want to run and do cartwheels in fields of whatever and am terrified of the snakes. So let's run in a field of poppies in slow motion, with no snakes. Good.
I love being your friend.
I can sooooo relate. Aug 25 was the 3-year anniversary of my mom's death, too. Thankfully, this year wasn't as bad for me as past years... but I understand that sadness. Sometimes I think of her and laugh...other times I cry. Sometimes, it's hard to remember I'm free... and it's certainly hard to act like it all the time!
On a slightly different note, I wanted to say thanks for leading DG Bible study on Wed nights. Keith and I are new to the PCA church. I'm thrilled to be here, and feel like God has really led us to change denominations and has led us specifically to Community Presbyterian. It was so cool to me the first night of DG Bible study that you shared your background, because it mirrors my own in so many ways. It just further confirmed to me that God wanted me in this Bible study to learn and grow in Him.
Isn't it wonderful how God puts specific people in your path at specific times for specific reason-and often times we don't have a clue about it until later! Praise Him!
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