Gracie

Some of you know my daughter Gracie. She is 5 years old, has blonde curly hair and big blue eyes. She is the prettiest child I've ever seen. She has little rosebud lips and a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. She was born pretty. She really was.

She started talking very early. By the time she was 14 months she could communicate really well. And that's when the trouble started. At first, it was a little squirmish here and there but before long, it became an all out assault. Then a war. She was the most strong-willed child I have ever seen. Once she made up her mind about something and sunk her teeth in it she was like a badger. (To get a badger to turn loose once it gets a hold on something you have to break it's jaw.) And everything was a fight. Breakfast, sippy cups, naps, potty training,books- you name it.

But the worst of it was bedtime. She would not just stay in the bed. Ask my Dad, he lived here for some of it. For two years straight, she got three spankings a night to get her to give up and stay in bed. I would cry, she would cry, Maggie would cry. We had a mantra: Me- "Gracie, what are you doing?" Gracie- " Fighting you." Me- "Who's going to win?" Gracie- "You are." Me- "And what's going to happen to you?" Gracie- "I'm gonna get a spankin." Me- "Then quit fighting me. I don't want to give you a swat." Three times every night, for three years. She fought me. Made Maggie and Ty miserable. Pestered the snot out of Brody. And I would pray every night and day that God would help me be kind and calm and that Gracie would learn that I was the boss and that Mommy always wins.

It was a long 3 years. One day, about nine months ago, she was throwing a fit and we replayed the mantra listed above. And she took a deep breath, looked at me and said "OK." And that was the end. Later she said, "Mommy, I gave up." It finally clicked that I was in charge. And she has been a different child since.

The only problem is that people got used to her being "the hard one." She had burned her bridges, so to speak. Her brother and sister avoided her. No one ever invited her to spend the night. She didn't get the affection she longed for. In a way, she had done it to herself. But she was 3. And now, she is acutely aware of every time someone says go away or you're so annoying. She came to me the other day in tears and said, "Mommy, I don't mean to annoy people." My heart broke for her.

She is my special girl. We have a bond that goes deep. You see, Gracie is me. I was just like her at that age. And I remember being told those same things or "Please, can't you just be quiet for five minutes?" or being ignored because I talked so much.

I talked to Bren about this problem tonight. And if you'll look at his blog, you'll see that he took extra time with her tonight. The other kids wouldn't let her play so Bren went and got her and let her pick out car pictures for his blog. He talked to her and gave her advice. They colored pictures. She talked about him all the way home. She told her Daddy about him. She prayed for him. You see, he showed love to her. He saw her, not as the bratty 3 year old she used to be, but as the bright 5 year old she has become.

Sometimes, I think we let people get stuck in our minds as being who they were ten years ago or two years ago. We don't let them grow and change. We think we know them but really we know who they used to be. Thank goodness I'm not who I was ten years ago. Are you?

It's an amazing thing to take a fresh look at someone you take for granted. You never know who you'll discover.