I didn't fall. I'm so happy. I skiied for two solid days and never fell once. I made my last run down the slopes repeating the mantra, "Don't fall, last run. Don't fall, last run." And as I walked to the parking lot, carrying my skis and poles, "Don't fall now. You made it all day. Don't fall now." And as I changed out of my ski boots into my snow boots, "No falling. No. Falling. No."

And I managed to go three days on snow and ice and didn't trip or fall. I don't usually fall when I ski but this year I felt vulnerable for some reason. I don't like to fall. Well, the falling itself isn't so bad, it's the landing that hurts. And when I get hurt, I always cry. Always. It's embarrassing.

Now here I am, at Patrick and Meghan's, looking around at all their pretty things and thinking, "Don't break anything. Don't knock anything off or swing your arms or miss the countertop when putting your glass down. Don't break anything."

I'm realizing as I'm typing that I've been in self-preservation mode for days now. I don't want to get hurt or be embarrassed or look like a spaz. I want to look good and together, even when I know I don't measure up.

Where has the gospel been today? Hiding under the Pottery Barn sheets, I guess. I am consumed with myself. My righteousness takes a hard hit when faced with my own inadequecies. And my inadequecies pop up at random times.

But I am reminded of what my heart seeks. Affirmation. Approval. To be someone's delight. And I am all those things. The only one who matters in the universe, delights in me. Is that enough? Today, I choose to believe it is even if I don't feel it.

Rambling Update

Okay. I'm so tired that my eyes are burning but I'm waiting for that dang dryer to be done. So, I thought I'd blog. Haven't done that in a while. Here's to you Elizabeth.

We woke up early this morning, ate breakfast and headed out. After stopping at Alpine to rent skis for Ty, Chris and I, we went on up to the slopes and checked the kids into ski school. Brody and Grace are still learning to ski. Maggie is a lovely, graceful skier but today she went to school to learn to snowboard. And now she can. She can go all the way to the top and come down on her board without falling. It was impressive. She doesn't get that from me, of that I am sure.

Around lunch time, it started to rain. Stupid rain. But then the rain turned to snow. Wonderful snow. But then it all stopped. And got really cold. And by then, it was afternoon and we were done for the day. So we went back to the resort. (Yes, I said resort. Our realty company found a vacancy in a nearby resort for only $10 more a night. I'll take it and thank you.)

So, we dry out and warm up. Watch some cable, a treat for us. Then Brody and I went to Fred's and bought some groceries. And petted a cat. He liked that... Brody that is, although, I'm sure the cat liked it too. Sorry, rambling. Anyhoo... We ate supper and then went swimming.

The resort has an indoor heated pool and a hot tub. Wonderful, right? Why, yes. It was. The hot tub was really hot and the pool was nice and warm. We had a blast. The only problem is, the pool is in a different building, it's own building. Which means that you have to go outside to get to it... or away from it. That was fun. We dried off really well, put our sweatshirts and snowboots on and then made a run for it. In the wind and snow. Brrrrr! We were laughing our rear ends off.

Once we were in the room, we wound down and... well... here I am. Everyone else is sleeping. And I am watching television and drinking a glass of milk and waiting on the dryer so I can finish packing. We leave right after the slopes close at 4:30 headed to Patrick's.

Things I enjoyed today:

1. Watching Maggie snowboard. I'm so glad she's not a spaz like her Momma.

2. Hot chocolate. Need I say more?

3. Skiing. I didn't fall. That makes me happy.

4. Skiing with Ty. Well, more like watching Ty ski past me, but it was still fun.

5. Staring at my husband in his ski gear, skiing like a pro. Hmmm. Yummy.

6. Spending time with Brody at Fred's.

7. Talking to Gracie about her day.

8. A glass of wine. White Zinfandel.

9. Not having to wait in line at all.

10. The fact that there were only 2 other kids in ski school today and they were with another instructor. That means my kids got private lessons. HaHa!

11. Watching it snow.

12. Music on my mp3 player. Namely Coldplay.

That's all. I seriously doubt that this post is coherent. Sorry. Oh! The dryer dinged. Hurray! Talk to you later.

Giving and Receiving

I love the way my children and their friends love to give one another gifts. And they don't care one little bit if the gifts are new. They love getting used stuff just as much.

I think they like the used stuff better because they know it was a prized possession at one time. So tonight, Lana gave Frankie one of her green sweatbands and a piece of Halloween candy. And it was considered a good gift because she really liked those sweatbands. Everyone was impressed. One of my girls' received a used necklace once and l-o-v-e-d it .

I can't pinpoint the exact reason this makes me so happy. It might have something to do with lack of materialism or some such as that. But it does make me happy.

Fun Pics of Friends

I saw Scott Holmes on the way home from church today. Looks like he did well on his hunting trip. Way to go Scott!

Beauty

I found this yesterday when I was doing some reading on Chopin. I think it is exquisite. At little background first: Frederic Chopin had a long time lover who, although a Baroness, went by the pseudonym of George Sand. George once described an evening with Chopin with their friend Delacroix in attendance:

"Chopin is at the piano, quite oblivious of the fact that anyone is listening. He embarks on a sort of casual improvisation, then stops. 'Go on, go on,' exclaims Delacroix, 'That's not the end!'

'It's not even a beginning. Nothing will come ... nothing but reflections, shadows, shapes that won't stay fixed. I'm trying to find the right colour, but I can't even get the form ...'

'You won't find the one without the other,' says Delacroix, 'and both will come together.'

'What if I find nothing but moonlight?'

'Then you will have found the reflection of a reflection.'

The idea seems to please the divine artist. He begins again, without seeming to, so uncertain is the shape. Gradually quiet colours begin to show, corresponding to the suave modulations sounding in our ears. Suddenly the note of blue sings out, and the night is all around us, azure and transparent. Light clouds take on fantastic shapes and fill the sky. They gather about the moon which casts upon them great opalescent discs, and wakes the sleeping colours. We dream of a summer night, and sit there waiting for the song of the nightingale ..."

Chopin

I love Chopin. He's my favorite. I lie here in my comfy bed, headphones on, dreaming of cloudy nights and swirling mists. He makes me feel; his emotion coming through in every note. Whispering now, coaxing, smiling, weeping.

Making me wish I could play the piano.

One of My Favorite Pictures

I love this picture of Chris and Quinn. This was taken last summer in Mississippi when we went to the reservoir for the day. Lots of good memories: disc golf, floppy hats, water stunts, country music, potty training. Just to name a few.

Definition of irony:
incongruity in a situation
or
when your father-in-law brings a deer carcass by on his way to the butcher at the same time that your only vegan friend is at your house. Hmmmm.

Favorite Failboat

Failboat