Relax

Why do I get so nervous sometimes? Why am I so clumsy? And when I am clumsy, why can't I shake that nagging sense of idiocy?

Today, I met Kim's father-in-law and brother-in-law for the first time ever. To make matters worse, Kim had spent quite a while telling them alllll about me. "Oh, she's so funny!" "She's very social... very sweet... very blah-blah-blah." No pressure.

So, once we knew that they were less than 10 minutes away, I broke a new plate, knocked over the vacuum cleaner, stubbed my toe and generally made myself crazy. By the time they pulled in the drive, I was so nervous I felt sick to my stomach. I greeted Scott's dad at the truck and offered to carry something for him. He handed me his nebulizer with the words, "Just don't drop it." My first thought was that Kim had told him about my clumsiness. She hadn't but my nerves frayed just a little more.

I stood in the kitchen, helping Kim cook supper, and talked to Bob (Scott's dad). He and I talked about life, health, etc. The conversation evolved until we were talking about death. Don't ask me how it happened, it just did. Guess what? Mike (Scott's brother) had a son, Shane, who died 2 years ago. What's my theme song again? Oh yeah... John Mayer's My Stupid Mouth.

How did I go from a ball of nerves to the real me? Not easily that's for sure.

Internal conversation as follows:
Stupid!
What is wrong with me? Why can't I just SHUT-UP!?!?!
Wait... no one seems uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, Mike talked for several minutes about Shane. Like he wanted to.
Maybe this is okay.
What is it that Chris says, "You should never be afraid of the truth."
My problem is that I'm trying to impress them. I'm tied up in knots.
Relax. Calm down.
You are the righteous daughter of the Most High. What does anything else matter?
Huh. It doesn't. Not really. Be loving. Speak truth.
RELAX!

And I did. And it was good.