Numbness

My brain is numb. Well... mostly numb. Okay, maybe not numb. But definitely slow.

This has been the week of Camp Cornerstone. I'm a guide. People tend to think that being a guide is sooo hard. But I'll let you in on a secret. It's the easiest job there. To me anyway. No prep work required. I just show up, lead my group of 5th and 6th graders from one activity to another and enjoy them. No lesson plans, no lectures, no responsibility.

Okay, there is a little responsibility. I help them learn their memory verses. Which I am exceptionally good at, thanks to Jenny's hand motions. G begrudgingly has to admit that my group is good at the verses. He is forced to give my group candy as a prize. Poor man.

Camp is so good for the kids. They are challenged to think outside of their pat answers: God, Jesus, prayer, etc. But it is also a beautiful thing for me. Last night I had trouble sleeping because of a particular issue in my life. I felt sick over my sin. Sick over my failure as a friend and mother. Just sick period. So I come to Camp C desperately tired and defeated. We sing. I feel superficially better. Crafts - still not doing so good. Fuss at my group too much. Next? Story time. With my cool friend Quinn. He's a great 'relater'. He puts things in a way that they can be understood and felt. His lesson? Atonement. Using Jesus and Barabas as examples. I cried most of the class. I am Barabas. And Jesus knew that. My sin was before him. My selfishness. My laziness. My blinding self-deceit. He saw it. He wanted me for Himself. Enough to be brutalized. Our verse for today was, "He was pierced through for our transgression. He was crushed for our iniquities. And the chastisement for our well-being fell upon Him. By his scourging we are healed." As Quinn pointed out, it's a very violent verse. Very bloody.

I was made whole. I felt my wholeness come upon me anew today as I once again heard of His atonement for me. There is no guilt. No mistake. No burden. No condemnation. Only love. Freedom. Trust. Faith.

Thank you Quinn for reminding me. Thank you God for Camp Cornerstone. Thank you God for the gospel... it frees me every time I hear it.