How Deep the Father's Love for Us

"Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, his wounds have paid my ransom."

This song, How Deep the Father's Love for Us, is circling in my head. Over and over and I find myself in tears. God has been opening my heart to be moved by his kindness. I remember several years ago, coming to him in such despair and brokenness, and finding sweet, gentle, whispering kindness from Him. I was an utter failure and yet, He did not condemn; he gently showed me the box I was trying to stuff him into. I had expectations of how I could be of use to Him, how a church plant "should" look, how things "ought" to be going, how my worth was measured... He freed me from the slavery of my expectations.

Then a few years later, He soothed the wounds of failure again, only this time in the context of relationship. Again, He came to me like He came to Elijah- with a still, small voice in the midst of wind, earthquake and fire. He breathed his sweet breath onto my crushed dreams and lifted my chin. What a gentle Savior. He freed me from the slavery of other's expectations.

Two weeks ago I watched a YouTube video someone had posted to Facebook. I can't find the exact one now, but I'm sure you're seen similar ones. It was a montage of acts of kindness: a disabled child making their first basket while the entire gym cheers for them, a professional athlete giving his game jersey to the severely disabled man in the wheelchair, a professional runner who tore his hamstring mid-race whose father jumped the barricade to help him finish, etc. I found myself sobbing. Sobbing. Why? Why was I so moved? It was the kindness shown to people who were utterly helpless and incapable of attaining this thing alone.

How can a YouTube video move me to tears when I can yawn when thinking about the Atonement? What greater kindness is there in the universe? I think I can gloss over God's kindness to me in Christ so easily because I don't see myself as the disabled 10 year old basketball player or the injured and weeping runner; I want to identify with the professional athlete who won the game. How quickly can I forget my brokenness? How easily do I slip back into the slavery of functioning out of my measly strength...

And yet,

He is kind to me. He knows my ineptitude. He knows my complete inability to make the basket on the first, second, third try. He sees my weakness and brokenness and He did something so far beyond running across the field to give me His game jersey. He took on my weakness and suffered alongside me. What other god in the history of the world has so identified with his people in their pain? None.

May His eternal kindness always bring tears to my eyes. Tears of gratitude and joy. Tears of relief and humility. May His kindness to me pour out of me into the broken and hurt people around me. May He remind me of my freedom, "It is for freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." Gal 5:1.