Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Both of Me

I've noticed something about myself. When my life gets scheduled to the nth degree, I get the urge to take on a project, usually a remodelling project. I've wondered about it. Why in the world would I try do one more thing when I'm already busy?

I think it's because my life is regimented, task-oriented and repetitive, to a certain degree. (Don't get me wrong, I'm doing things I love: homeschool, football, ballet, etc but it's the same schedule almost every day with no delineation) And really, that kind of life will kill me eventually. While my husband positively thrives on schedule, it sucks the life out of me. I tried once when my kids were younger to do the same thing, at the same time, every day. It worked for two weeks. And then I began to question the meaning of life and the purpose of my existence. It really felt to me that life stretched out in one long, endless, tiresome repetition with no goodness or joy to be seen. I learned something about myself.

I need to be creative. I need time to plan things, do things that are for the pure sake of beauty. I need to read, sing, dance, build, plan, see change. I need to stretch my soul.

So in the midst of being a responsible mom and wife, while I am teaching and cheering and waiting, I need to also be the other me, the introspective lover of art and beauty and change. Because I am both those people.

2 comments:

Virginia said...

This made me laugh, Crissy, because I do the same thing. I do like rhythm to my days, and to some degree, structure, but not the same exact routine all the time. And a lot of times, when things fill up too much around here with activities or messes, I plunge myself into a "project." I was just telling Michelle this the other night, because I had a million things around the house I *needed* to get done, however, I was busy painting stuff and reorganizing cabinets... not that either of those were necessary then.

Anyways... yes. I think we need to let our souls breathe in the midst of chaos!

Missy said...

I agree, identify, understand, and validate you, all in one long sentence.

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