I sit here, paying bills and staring out the window. It's so pretty outside today, but I know that it's really humid and so I just pretend that I want to go outside. We have enough money in the bank to pay our bills. For that I am thankful. But what about unexpected things, or extra things? Nope.
Maggie needs braces and I've been trying to save enough to pay for them. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had a job. But then the implications of that begin to multiply in my mind and I shrink away from it. God will provide. He always does.
My life is like my computer monitor. I have five tabs and four programs open. Clicking back and forth, back and forth. I think my computer is tired.
I can't decide if I'm overwhelmed or not. I don't think I am. Just disjointed a bit. Out of step. Trying to rest. Resting is hard to do when you have a vague feeling that you're forgetting something.
I miss my husband. I wish I could spend more relaxed time with him. We used to be together all the time. ALL the time. We stayed at home mostly and walked around the property and cooked dinner together. We were introverts. But now we have more kids and more responsibilty, friends. And ministry is a beautiful beast that cannot be tamed. We cling to each other more now than ever. We just have to do it in fits and starts.
I am rambling. Whirling along with the path of my thoughts... Say "Good night Gracie." "Good night Gracie."
2 comments:
Good night dear. I love you. :O)
I know that feeling of disjointedness. It's like your searching to find a new kind of normal when things change so dramatically. For me I piss and moan about it then feel guilty over it then try to settle in and find a way to survive it until it becomes normal to me. I like your blogging thoughts, please don't stop blogging like I did.
And I love you too, friend. Goodnight, Johnboy.
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