Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Making Sense of This Jumble I Call a Brain

My mind is rushing back and forth with so many thoughts. I'm having definite trouble corralling them into submission. As is my custom, I will write them out to try to find some sense of order.

1. Christmas. hmmm. Christmas. That means gifts. 4 children, older children, expensive children. But the great thing about my kids is that they don't ask for much. They're pretty content. In a way, that makes it harder. If they really only want one thing, but that thing is $200... well, you see my dilemma.
which leads directly to the next item...

2. Money. Ugh. I hate money. If I have too much, I get all cozy with it and want to spend it. If I have too little, I struggle with sleep and my idols of comfort. Plus, my hubs is pretty miserable at his job, Obamacare and all, and I would love to get our budget to where we don't live off of as much to give him some breathing room were he to want to look for something else. I'm trying to spend less.

Spending less is almost always possible with enough planning. As Will Ferrell said in his impersonation of George W, it's all about the strategery. Deliberate, strategic planning. Saves money but it tends to wear me out.

I'm worn out.

3. School. I really should be writing a history lesson right now. My mind is all over the place, not in Antarctica like it needs to be.

4. My oldest child's future. I know. I know. God is in control of her future. I know His will cannot be thwarted. And at the same time, I am responsible to guide, teach and push her. So many doubts. And SATs. I'm silent screaming right now. No need to freak out the 16 year old.

5. Why can I not keep my kitchen clean right now? Seriously! For two weeks now, my kitchen has not been completely clean. It's ridiculous. I just can't keep up. I feel it taunting me right this minute... "There's sauce on our counters. Our sink needs to be bleached. When is the last time you scrubbed our stovetop?" I hear you, you stupid kitchen!!! Keep your pots on!

6. My dining room is once again full. Not of football stuff or wedding stuff, but church decor stuff. I really, really, really want to decorate the church but I can't do it by myself. I'm too unsure of myself. I need the safety of a "committee". I want to see the finished product AND I want my dining room back.

7. Why is Brody still coughing? He needs to stop that and get well already.

8. I checked airline tickets to Manchester today. That's how badly I want to watch Breaking Dawn with my friend Ginger. Alas, the tickets are $800. Is too much! (imagine an Italian accent on that last bit.) But I can dream, right?

9. Speaking of Breaking Dawn. Wow. The other previous movies were adequate. This one is a good movie actually. Twisty ending, happy ending, me likee.

10. I need to make a checklist. Several, really. To Do lists for: Thanksgiving, Christmas gifts, School Short Term, School Long Term, Church Decorating, House Decorating for Christmas, etc.

11. Repentance. Faith. Then some more repentance. With a side of self-awareness and a pinch of repentance.

I'm sleepy.