One little thing. If you are a woman that might be interested in going on a retreat go to: http://www.communitypca.net navigate to the Women's Ministries page and take the poll. So far... 8 votes. One of which is mine.

July in Review

Let's see. What did I do this month?

1. Swim ministry on Tuesdays.
2. Pottery class for kids on Fridays.
3. Birthday parties: 3
4. Doctor's appointments: 6
5. Camps: 2
6. Helped organize a banquet feeding 500.
7. Decided on and worked on curriculum for co-op class.
8. Turned in Women's Ministry budget request.
9. Decided on and developed curriculum for my 4 children.
10. Started jogging.
11. Made 200 wedding invitations.
12.Signed Gracie up for soccer.
13. Kept my neighbor's little boy every week day for 2 weeks.
14. Read 3 books.
15. Had Friday night "Girl Night" every week.
16. Forgot my brother-in-law's birthday.
17. Did no laundry for 5 days straight... believe me, not good.
18. Bird-sat Angie's parakeet for a week while they're on vacation.
19. Battled jealousy over all of my friends who got to go to the beach this month.
20. Went to hear Act Of Congress in concert. Great fun!
21. Vow to sleep late tomorrow. Must have sleep soon.

Needless to say, I can't wait for August and the start of school. I need the break. I'm not complaining... I loved everything I did. Well, except the "forgetting Patrick's birthday" part. And the doctor's appointments. Oh, and the jealousy thing. But other than that, I had a great time. But I know that I could not keep up that pace for even another week or two. Resentment would start to set in.

Let me see... was there anything else? ....

Oh yeah, "Hi!" to Laura Kay. Thanks for reading. And if Abby or Michelle read this, we really should meet because I think we're friends just waiting to happen. KimHill and Amber agree.

Love to Jawan. And Marissa. I think of you guys when I'm typing. It makes it seem like a conversation. The kind where I do all the talking. I know, G, you're saying "How is that any different from every other conversation with you?" Well, not very, I guess.

Well, good night, cruel world. I'm off to bed.

Noodling

Have you ever heard of this? Chris had. But me? Nope, never heard of it. Until tonight, that is.

First, let me confess that I am a PBS junkie. I watch it more than any other channel. My favorite things to watch are documentaries... and I will watch anything. Cats? yep. The life of a man with down syndrome? absolutely. If a Ken Burns production is coming on, do not get between me and my tv. So, tonight, I watched a documentary on noodling.

"So", you may ask, "What is noodling?"

Well, it's when men go fishing for enormous catfish in the murky waters of a river with their bare hands. No hooks. No rods. Just their hands. They go poking their hands along the banks and the river bottom looking for holes that these big, bottom-feeders call home. Then, they catch them. And yes, sometimes they get bitten. And yes, sometimes they come in close contact with snakes and turtles and beavers. But who cares? It's a sport.

And although I find it ridiculous... is it any more ridiculous than racing around a room trying to stick a round object into a net with no bottom? Not really.

But the real question in my mind is... is it brave? The film maker called it that, brave. Where is that elusive line between brave and stupid? Personally, I don't think that we can call facing danger for fun brave. Facing danger for the protection of your loved one or your country, yes. Sticking your hand in a hole? I'm gonna have to say nope. I won't go so far as to say stupid either.

46 states have outlawed noodling. Huh. Why is that? Some say it's too dangerous. Well so is skateboarding and gymnastics. Should we outlaw those as well?

My Momma used to say, "It takes all kinds." I guess she was right.

It has finally happened. Ty is reading. Don't misunderstand, he's been able to read since he was 5 but now... now he reads for enjoyment. And competition.



I love to read. So does Chris. So does Maggie. But until we got involved in the Leeds Library Summer Reading Program, Ty just wasn't interested. That all changed when he saw the board of stars. When he realized that he would get stars to put on his name for all to see, he was all over it. That boy has, in the past week, read a Nancy Drew book and Stuart Little. Plus, he's reading small books to Brody so that Brody can get stars and prizes. So far, Ty has gift certificates to Sonic, Arby's, Papa John's, Dominoes and Food Mart. He's gotten a wallet and some other little toy. Apparently what my dear boy was lacking was proper motivation.



I am so like that. Sometimes, I have to call and invite certain people over for dinner just so I'll get the house clean. I say "certain people" because most of my friends are used to cluttered, somewhat messy houses. Other are made uncomfortable by what Amber likes to called "the lived in look". For these people, I feel the responsibility to have a clean house. That is why I call them. My father-in-law is one of these people. He is known as the inspector general. And if he eats with us, I feel compelled to serve at least 2 green vegetables for dinner.



What does this show me? For one, it shows me that I'm not as liberated from other's opinions as I like to think. It is hard to trust God and remember the gospel when I know that they're looking with judgement on my refrigerator shelves or stained carpet. I want to be perfect... no that's not true... I like my pet sins, but I want you to THINK that I'm perfect. Big difference.



Why can't we do the right thing just because it's the right thing? Why is the gospel so slippery? Rhetorical questions, I know.

Nacho

Nacho Libre makes me laugh. If you haven't seen it, you must. Right now. Only you have to watch it with Stokes and Thomas. Or me. But do not, under any circumstances, watch it alone. It won't be nearly as funny.

When Jack Black pops that hip out, I die. When he baptizes Steven, I die. When he and the nun are eating toast, I die. By the end of this movie, my head hurt so much from laughing so hard. And don't even get me started on his scooter. Holy cow!

I like most of Jack Black's stuff. He's just a goofball.

Sorry. I was just thinking about it. It makes me giggle, which is a lovely thing to do.

My humiliation is now complete. Corey read my blog, commented (do i need help with #11-20) and actually showed up at Camp Cornerstone. It was pretty fun actually. Good to see him again. Plus, Boo got a good laugh out of the whole situation. Glad I could help.






This was funny to me. After pottery class, we went swimming. Ty and Michael McGinnis decided they were done swimming and wanted to play the DS. So they used the towel to block the light so they could see better. Brody wanted to get in on it. It just looks funny to me.







Camp was fun. We learned new verses, sang great songs and played in moon walks. All in all, a great week. But I'm worn out.

This week will be no better, as far as rest goes. We have the feeding of the 500 this Thursday. Lots of work! It's one of those things that cannot possibly work unless God is in it. Which takes the pressure off. We are working as hard as we know how and God will take care of the rest. Our motivation is to reach out to the community for the glory of God. I ask you to pray. Pray for the involvement of our members, we need a lot of it. Pray for the people who are coming, that they will feel welcomed and safe. That they will feel the love of God. The details will happen, they always do... God always comes through.

I am a very, very terrible friend. Jawan had her baby. Her beautiful Abigail. I've looked at the pictures, read the posts and not called her or anything. I'm so sorry Jawan. I do love you and am very, very happy for you. Congratulations!!!!!!

I have lots more to say and not nearly enough time to say it. I can hear G's sigh of relief. Maybe I'll find some time later but I doubt it.

I am exhausted... and that's all I have to say at this time.

Bad Dreams

Poor Brody... He's been having really scary dreams lately. He wakes up almost every night crying and wanting to sleep with me. I was starting to get annoyed (cause I'm selfish and like my sleep and this has been going on for a couple of weeks). That is until he described his dreams to me.



I cried with him. His nightmares were horrible. He dreamed that I pushed him under the water. That he fell in the water with snakes and crocodile and monsters. He dreamed he was bitten by a crocodile. He dreamed that Chris died. He dreamed that bad guys took me. He dreamed that I was on top of a mountain and he was trying to get me. Scary stuff for such a little guy.



I held him again as he cried while telling me about his dreams. My heart broke a little. Why has he been dreaming these things? I have my suspicions but the thing that humbles me is that I'm the only one who can make it better when he wakes up terrified. That's my job. What a privilege. He doesn't want anyone else. Just his Momma. I'm glad that I'm his Momma.

Freaky-Eyed Rick

A few posts ago, I told you about Rick's spontaneous eye dilation. Well, Rick gave me permission and here's the picture. Very strange...

More Pictures from D.C. and the Wedding

Finally! I'm putting some of the 280 pictures I took on our trip to D.C. and Pittsburgh on my blog.


The kids' favorite activity... riding the Metro. Gracie is off to the right. They loved the speed.

The Library of Congress. The kids were looking at the Capitol Building across the street. We had taken a tour of the Capitol earlier in the day.

Ty and I had planned this shot for months. We got it from watching Garfield 2.

My AMAZING parking place!!! The van is at the far left of the picture, the White House is on the right. I turned around from taking the pictures of the Washington Monument to take this picture. You can touch me next time you see me.





Cannot for the life of me remember this guy's name at the moment. I'll correct it when I can.

These two pictures were taken at the Jefferson Memorial. We were on the back side having a snack of carrots, sodas and water. We also did a study on perspective. Pretty cool, huh?

This is the little cabin we stayed in while visiting D.C. It was a KOA in Maryland. Really fun!

The Puffy Shirt... from Seinfeld. One of my favorite episodes. I took this picture for Evan. It's part of the collection of the Smithsonian Museum of American History.

This is at the National Gallery of Art. I have a print of this Rembrandt in my living room. It was really amazing to see the original.

The kids and I wanted to see the Impressionists. We walked into the room and were overwhelmed by what we saw. Monet, Renoir, Degas, Manet, Pisarro. Wow! I almost cried.

THE WEDDING

Patrick, Gracie and Meghan at the rehearsal dinner. We ate at Six Penn Kitchens in downtown Pittsburgh. Delicious food and fun times!

Bill (my Dad-in-law), Meghan's brother Todd, Todd's wife Brooke, Meghan and Margaret (my mom-in-law) at the dinner. As you can see, it was a general love-fest. Both families love each other.

Standing around outside the museum for cocktails in between the ceremony and the reception dinner. That's Chip and his wife, Chip married the lovely couple.

Here they come!!! Aren't they gorgeous? Like Ken and Barbie... only real.

Gracie LOVES her Uncle Patrick!

Isn't her dress amazing? She is so beautiful. I'm very grateful that she also has the beauty of a heart that trusts in God.

Weird expression on Patrick's face but I still love this picture. It looks all sweet and relaxed, when in reality, Patrick has a death grip on Brody's hand to keep him from running away... we were trying to pose them for a picture. Why doesn't the 3 year old understand that?

Eat your hearts out ladies! That right there is one good-lookin' man. And he's aallllll mine!!!!

Well, that's only 20 pictures out 280. But your get the overall flavor of the trip. Sorry it took so long to post them.

Ready For Heaven

Sometimes my selfishness sneaks up on me and punches me in the face. I think I'm so generous and loving. Then I'm confronted with the fact that even my ways of showing love are selfish. I need affirmation, attention and affection. None of which are horrible things but I don't just need them, I demand them. And if I don't get them, I feel rejected, unloved and ugly. Oh how I hate my sin...

Random Things

Well, thought I'd post some random memories from the trip. If you were there and have more, leave a comment.

On the trip home, we saw a church sign that said "Download your problems to Jesus." Boo thought they should get points for being technologically savvy.

Also on the trip home, there was a sign that read something along the lines of, "I WON $91,632! ALL MY DREAMS CAME TRUE." The only problem was that the man in the picture looked miserable. It was really very ironic. I was glad that Rick saw it too so that I had someone to laugh with me about it. Rick, if you read this and remember what it said exactly, leave a comment.

While at the beach, we went to Alvin's Island. It's what my father calls a 'jip joint', a place that sells cheap souvenirs. While there, I bought my kids airbrushed t-shirts. Then Kara showed me her henna tattoo. I thought to myself, 'Now that's neat.' So I went to just look. Next thing I know, Thomas and I have committed to getting matching tattoos. Only problem is, we can't agree on which one. I want a cross, he wants a skull and crossbones. And after a very tragic game of paper/rock/scissors, I had a skull and crossbones henna tattoo on my arm that matches an 18 year old boy that I used to babysit. Sad but true.

Yates can do the most amazingly accurate impersonation of Addison. I mean it's just crazy. Emma and I almost drowned from laughing so hard.

KimHill called and asked if we wanted to come swimming today and since I have about three places on my body that aren't sunburned I said yes.

Every night while at the beach we watched a movie. Sounds fun... only one problem. Movie doesn't start until 11 pm. But since the girls stayed up, so did I. Night 1: The Truman Show. Night 2: Nacho Libre. Night 3: Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Truman Show I've seen a hundred times.

Nacho Libre... I laughed until my head was pounding. Holy cow! That's a funny movie. It's really stupid but man, it's funny! "I'm really concerned about your salvation... and stuff." I guess you had to be there.

Raiders of the Lost Ark I slept through. I have never made it all the way through that movie.

Poor Boo could not stay awake for long. She took naps. Her poor, pregnant body would just sorta shut down. I remember what that was like. I'm really glad that it's her and not me. Sorry Boo.

Before we left, I made two Cd's for the trip. The first one was pretty mild. Andy Gullahorn, Nickel Creek, Sean Watkins, Derek Webb, Norah Jones. CD #2 was not mild. Adam's Inside This Skin, Toby Mac, Nirvana, The Darkness, Beyonce, DC Talk. Clean lyrics and strong music.

While there, we listened to Inside This Skin several times. I'll try to post a link for it. Anyway, this song is my favorite. Not just of Adam's but it's like my favorite song. Stokes choreographed it. The youth will hopefully do a 'music video' of it for the Talent Show. It involves James Bond, Satan, machine guns, Robert Palmer-type dancers and other strange things. We laughed our butts off. Stokes is hysterical.

Since we were travelling in 4 different vehicles, we had walkie-talkies. That was way more fun than I thought it would be. I enjoyed listening to Adam, Rick, Stokes and Corey picking on each other. All four of them are so funny. They're quick witted and sarcastic... my two favorite qualities.

At one point, one of Rick's eyes spontaneously dilated. It was very, very strange. We were at the amusement park when Rick walked over to Stokes and I. When I looked at him, I was startled. It was the freakiest looking thing I'd ever seen. He thought I was teasing him about his eyes being so blue. I had to take a picture with my phone and show it to him before he believed me. Rick and I were concerned but Stokes was clueless. He just thought it was hilarious. It wasn't until I started making some calls that he took it seriously. I talked to Dr. Bedsole and he said it was probably fine. Getting sunscreen or cologne in your eyes can make it do that... weird. I have the picture. If Rick says it's okay I'll post it.

While eating at Pineapple Willy's, we started hearing this really lound popping noise. It sounded like it was right where we were. Boo thought it was Stokes but I was sitting right next to him and knew it wasn't. He and I thought it was one of the kids but it was really close. The sound was loud and fairly rhythmic. POW! We started looking around and realized that it was the disposable camera sitting right in the middle of the table. Every time it popped, the flash would light up. We got it off the table because we were afraid it was going to explode. It had a short in it and smelled like it was leaking chemicals. Come to think of it, I'll bet that was what happened to Rick's eye. He handled the camera the most. I wonder if he got some of the chemicals in his eye? Anyway, at the time it was kinda scary and funny at the same time. I wonder if the pictures can be developed?

Well that's all the memories I have at the moment. If I think of more, I'll let you know.

Here are a couple of pics. I didn't take a camera, these are from my phone. They're not all that great. Hopefully, Kasey, Kara, Emma and Bren will send me some.

Stokes and Corey at Pineapple Willy's. Corey's holding the defective camera.

Rick. My new friend. He's getting married in less than 2 weeks to Jessica's sister Stacy.

Adam and Stokes after an invigorating go-cart race. Adam kicked butt. Stokes (aka: Mr. Competitive) couldn't get past Bren.

I'm tired and don't want to mess with rotating this picture. Turn your head if you want. This is my van of girls. We had so much fun together!

Can't wait for your comments.

Too Much

Where do I start? I have too much to say...


I got home today from being 'an adult' on the Sr. High Beach Trip. Wow! That was so much fun. I'm pretty sure that I enjoyed it just as much or more than I did when I was a youth. We went to Panama City for about 3 days. Stayed at the same retreat center that I stayed at when I was a kid. Swam in the same pools, sang some of the same songs. It was very nostalgic.



Let's see... where so I start? Ummm... How 'bout with the cast of characters?


Stokes - the earnest, only slightly high-strung youth director.


Boo - the tired, mildly pregnant chaperon and the only other grown-up girl


Me - the oldest person on the trip, goofy and prone to verbal diarrhea


Adam - the cool, funny chaperon who looks like he's way too young to be there.


Brandon - the brain of the trip, looks like a marine because of new haircut, finds the same things funny that I do, therefore providing comic relief.


Rick - the thoughtful one, also looks way too young, friends with Adam, pianist, really funny chaperon


Corey - the quietly funny, superior speaker, expert at practical jokes and sarcasm. thinks I am insane.


Well, that's the adults. We had 4 girls and 7 boys. All the kids were well behaved and interesting, and only one who was slightly annoying... those who went know who I'm talking about.






Okay, ten reasons why I think Corey Nolen thinks I'm a fruitcake. First, let me say I have no idea why I even care.



1. On our first meeting, I threw a banana peel at him and yelled "Catch!"



2. I actually told him that the girls saw the waistband of his underwear and now call him 'Ralph Lauren'.



3. On the phone, I made a joke to him and he just handed the phone to Stokes.



4. I am a fruitcake.



5. He gives me the "this woman is a nut" look.



6. I got a henna tattoo.



7. My tattoo is a skull and crossbones because I lost a game of paper/rock/scissors with Thomas and now we have matching tattoos.



8. On the trip home, I started following Rick on the interstate. Only it wasn't Rick. It wasn't even a Suburban... it was a Tahoe.



9. Various moments of verbal diarrhea.



10. I really am a friutcake.

Anyways, like I said, I have no idea why it matters. I like Corey. He has a great speaking voice, he should be a D.J. He has a lot of wisdom, I learned a lot. Plus, he never brushes his hair. You've got to admire that.

Well, more later. Bye.

I Need Help!

Ty is very interested in engineering. He wants to design cars. He has maintained that desire for quite a while now. He's been telling me since he was 7 that he wants to be an engineer, he just didn't know what kind. After thinking on it and studying a bit, he stuck on mechanical engineering. Then we watched a great Nova special on PBS titled The Great Robot Race. So now he's interested in robotic cars.

I think that he is absolutely smart enough and creative enough to do it. His biggest problem is his totally clueless mother. I don't even know enough about it to know where to look for books at the library. Any advice on how to cultivate this passion he has? Anything.

He loves Kinex and Lego's. He's done a study on electricity, so he has a smidge of understanding. He knows circuits, conductors, etc. My Dad is an electrician, so there's that in his favor. But I don't even know where to start with the car design and the robotics. So if you have any advice or ideas, please, please, please let me know. Books, videos, people, whatever. I'll take it!

Irony

The other night as I was cooking supper, steaming broccoli to be precise, I opened the upper cabinet beside the stove. This cabinet is where we keep certain medicines, band-aids, and all our appliance and electronics paperwork (i.e. manuals, warranty cards, etc). Anyway, when I opened the cabinet to get Maggie a band-aid, a small booklet fell out and slid right into the flame of the stove burner. Scary! I snatched it before it caught flame.

What was the name of said booklet?

"Gas Appliance Safety Tips."

Weight Loss Update

Some of you have emailed me to ask how my weight loss journey was going. I know that I haven't talked about it much. Sorry.

As of tonight, I have lost a total of 32 pounds. I am now over half way to my goal. My BMI has gone from 34 to 29. Anything over 30 is considered obese! My goal is to get my BMI down to 25 or below.

To track your own BMI go to http://www.weightwatchers.com/health/asm/calc_bmi.aspx

And if your BMI is high, don't be discouraged or disgusted. Just do what God shows you to do, step by step, minute by minute. He is able. He has shown me so much of my sin through this journey. I honestly didn't think that I over-ate that much. But I did. Weight Watchers has been a source of sanctification for me. I have seen the law. I have seen grace. And I have been given hope. But my hope is not in a program or a system but in my Redeemer who uses all things to draw me to Himself.

Anyway... I just wanted to update you. Thank you for your prayers and constant encouragement. Oh, and the compliments. Yeah, I like those too.

Pictures of D.C.

Yeah!!! I just remembered that I had pictures on my cell phone! I'm so happy.

This a picture of Gracie on the subway. This is not a pose. We were riding along and she looked down, saw the paper, picked it up and started reading it. It looked so funny to me that I had to take a picture! When I showed it to Grace, she said "Wow! Look how strong my legs look."

This is a very dim picture of the Archives building. The Declaration of Independance is at the far right of this picture.

This is Union Station. On Wednesday, we took the subway from New Carrollton all the way to here and then walked one block to Jeff Sessions office for our tour of the Capitol. Union Station is so beautiful. And very, very busy! After our tour, we came back to Union Station for lunch. Yum.

This is R2D2, as I'm sure you well know. At the very far left you can see C3PO's hand. We saw them at the Smithsonian. Brody kept saying, "I'm going to go up there and push his buttons and make him talk." To which I replied, "No you're not."

And last but not least, Brody is riding a dragon! And Gracie is riding the horse beside him. The building behind them is the Museum of Arts and Industries. Very fun way to take a break!

Maybe I can post some more pictures another day. The pictures from the wedding are the disc that Margaret has. Hope you like these.

I had made up my mind that I was going to post a picture since I finally figured out how. I was making it waayyyyy too hard. Anyway, I was all excited until I remembered that Margaret (my mom-in-law) still has my disc with all the pictures of the trip on it. Aaahhhhh!!!!

So... here is a picture of a really cool Lotus we saw at Publix. Neat huh?

Very Quickly

I have 5 minutes to post something. It might be a couple of days before I can get back to it again. Or it could be tonight. Who knows?

Our trip... in short... 1800+ miles. 7 states. 7 nights and 8 days. Lots to see. Lots to do.

Virginia. Maryland. DC. Pennsylvania. West Virginia. Tennessee. Georgia.

We spent 3 days in D.C. We saw the White House, Ford's Theater, the Capitol building, the Supreme Court, Library of Congress, the Smithsonian, the monuments and memorials. Oh and the SUBWAY! That was the kids' favorite thing. :o)

Well mu 5 minutes is up... I'll try again when I have a chance.

Funny Lists Found On The Net

These made me laugh. They're pretty absurd, but funny. The 'men' list applies more to my kids than Chris. And obviously the 'women' list doesn't apply to me at all.

Enjoy!



New evening classes for men

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.

Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders? Round-table discussion.

Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.

The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink?
Examples on video.

Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other. Helpline and support groups.

Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.

Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audiotape.

Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.

Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.

Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife. Online class and role-playing.

How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises,meditation and breathing techniques.

How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you are going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.



Classes for women

Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits, Step by step with slide presentation.

Parties: Going Without New Outfits. Helpline and support groups.

Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game. Real life testimonials

Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking. Live demonstrations and open forum.

Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up. Video presentation.

Introduction to Parking

Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

Water Retention: Fact or Fat

Cooking: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter. Live demonstration.

Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully. Open forum.

PMS: Your Problem, Not His

Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have. Relaxation exercises and breathing techniques.

Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together. Round table discussion.

Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

It's late but I can't stay away. I must blog again.

First off, before I forget... Happy Birthday Terri!

Just some things on my mind. Brilliant things. Lovely things. Tired things. (come on G, you can come up with some clever things to say now.)

I've made a new, somewhat unlikely, friend. Unlikely on the surface level of things. Have you ever had someone want to be your friend and you don't know why? Someone shy and pretty and obviously smart. Why me? Some things are just blessings. No other way to explain them really. Which is amazing. You can never tell who will be your friend. Or who will want to be your friend. And those unexpected friendships are the most wonderful because you find yourself feeling blessed just by a thought or smile or inside shared joke. That said... Thank you Jessica for being my friend.

Maybe I should write a post about each of my friends. Not tonight obviously. I'm very, very tired. (I just heard G again - saying something clever)

Hatchets, Lunatics and The Purpose Driven Life

Personally, I think that the title of this post is possibly my best title ever. I will in no way attempt to tie all three things together. In reality, I have three random thoughts that I decided to combine into one post.

Hatchet:
Brody has weird little names for objects. Mostly, he calls things the actions that they do or the sounds that they make. For instance, he calls a hatchet a 'hit tree'. Cats are 'Meow Meows'. A gun is a 'shooting'. A bicycle horn is a 'honking'. Very cute but somewhat strange.

Lunatic:
I was thinking last night on the way home about how different I am now than about 7 years ago. I was trying to listen to a particular violin piece on the radio and Brody would not stop talking. Now when Maggie and Ty were really little, I probably would have yelled at them. But I didn't with Brody. Why? Well you see, I was a bit of a lunatic when I had two little kids. Really I was. I think that it's because it was still so new to me. I was completely unaccustomed to the noise and chaos of having little kids with me all the time. Now I have four of them it bothers me so much less because its what I'm used to. It took me years to adjust. And that's what must be done... I adjust to them, not the other way around. It's a dying to self. Sort of like faith.

The Purpose Driven Life:
Let me preface this with the comment that I've never actually read this book. But I heard a comment that included this saying and it got me thinking. I realized that the things that I've learned that made a lasting impact on me have always been spiritual truths. The formulas and strategies that I've always been so drawn to have never caused a permanent change in my person. The true changes have always been a result of the Spirit revealing a truth to me and them working it into my soul, like a baker kneading bread dough. When I really think on this... I feel... relief.

Now, is it possible to somehow tie these three random posts into one thought? Well, let me think for a minute and see if I can....

....
....

The Purpose Driven Life of a Lunatic usually involves a Hatchet. :o)

OR

The reason that I'm not so much of a Lunatic anymore and can actually enjoy my Hatchet-wielding three year old has nothing to do with reading books like The Purpose Driven Life and everything to do with the work of the Holy Spirit in my inner being.

How's that?

Beautiful!

Jessica Wright is a lovely photographer. She took our pictures a week or so ago. They turned out so well. Take a look if you have time. Of course, when your children are as gorgeous as mine, it makes the photographer's job easier. ;o)

Relax

Why do I get so nervous sometimes? Why am I so clumsy? And when I am clumsy, why can't I shake that nagging sense of idiocy?

Today, I met Kim's father-in-law and brother-in-law for the first time ever. To make matters worse, Kim had spent quite a while telling them alllll about me. "Oh, she's so funny!" "She's very social... very sweet... very blah-blah-blah." No pressure.

So, once we knew that they were less than 10 minutes away, I broke a new plate, knocked over the vacuum cleaner, stubbed my toe and generally made myself crazy. By the time they pulled in the drive, I was so nervous I felt sick to my stomach. I greeted Scott's dad at the truck and offered to carry something for him. He handed me his nebulizer with the words, "Just don't drop it." My first thought was that Kim had told him about my clumsiness. She hadn't but my nerves frayed just a little more.

I stood in the kitchen, helping Kim cook supper, and talked to Bob (Scott's dad). He and I talked about life, health, etc. The conversation evolved until we were talking about death. Don't ask me how it happened, it just did. Guess what? Mike (Scott's brother) had a son, Shane, who died 2 years ago. What's my theme song again? Oh yeah... John Mayer's My Stupid Mouth.

How did I go from a ball of nerves to the real me? Not easily that's for sure.

Internal conversation as follows:
Stupid!
What is wrong with me? Why can't I just SHUT-UP!?!?!
Wait... no one seems uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, Mike talked for several minutes about Shane. Like he wanted to.
Maybe this is okay.
What is it that Chris says, "You should never be afraid of the truth."
My problem is that I'm trying to impress them. I'm tied up in knots.
Relax. Calm down.
You are the righteous daughter of the Most High. What does anything else matter?
Huh. It doesn't. Not really. Be loving. Speak truth.
RELAX!

And I did. And it was good.

Here is something my Dad emailed to me last week. I found it incredibly encouraging.

Hillary Clinton is running for President and using her gender to raise money at every turn.
Recently, Geraldine Ferraro was brought back from the Land of Misfit Political Candidates to raise money for Hillary by reminding us all that she was the first woman to run on a major party slate . . . if the Mondale candidacy sweeping its way through D.C. and Minnesota counts as major.

Hillary is as earnest as a tooth ache and determined to show all those smug boys from the fifties that she can win. She probably cannot, but it is depressing to watch her try. You have to pity Hillary, married to Bill and trying to look like she doesn’t mind . . . any of it. She wants to be a feminist icon, but if she gets some power in exchange for standing by her man she will be a story as old as Cleopatra.

When the women in the news are Anna Nicole Smith and Hillary a traditional Christian can feel glum about the state of our culture. Both women have been exploited and both have tried to turn that exploitation to their own advantage. Both were obviously unhappy and now one is gone too soon . . . and the other has lonely eyes in a face with a jaw that seems hinged to pour forth platitudes like some sad muppet forced to repeat lines written by a handler.

Whenever I feel very bad, I make sure to speak to home school mothers. These women represent something new. They are not feminists, a phrase they most often reject with scorn. Most live in very traditional households where the husband is the head of the family. However, they are certainly not Donna Reed door mats waiting at home in pearls and high heels for their lord and master to arrive home. They are very strong and fiercely opinionated. They are incredibly well read, devouring more books a year than most U.C. students read in four years. Book a talk with a Plato scholar to hear about big ideas and they show up.

So what are they? They remind me most of the strong women of my great-grandmother’s generation in West Virginia, who could run a farm, fix the roof, write hymns for the church, and who had never heard of bulimia. They did not worry about their body image, because they were secure in the love of their strong men, none of whom would have been allowed a metrosexual makeover if they had wanted it. Those strong women could never have burned a bra, because they never bothered trying to wear pin up girl underwear. Ask those women what they thought and you heard more than you wanted to hear. I knew a few of these women, the last of the old pioneer stock, but only when they were old and tired.

The home school mothers of California are not old. Sometimes their brutal schedules may make them tired, but they are up for more in the morning. When I talk to them I quickly realize, they care more about idea than rhetoric. These women solve problems every day. They educate their children in highly creative ways, inventing curriculum, programs, and social events out of nothing but their talent. They are neither dowdy nor fashion conscious. Their dress is most often sensible, but feminine. They innovate, but within the bounds of tradition. What are they? God bless us, they are ladies, a group many thought had gone extinct around the time of the sinking of Titanic.

In one sense, their lives are a bloodless martyrdom. The media mostly forgets them except for the occasional condescending piece in the Times. They fit no stereotypes, being too numerous and too interesting, so they are ignored. They sacrifice for the welfare of their children.

Talents that could vitalize a corporate board room are turned to teaching children to read. Their children, of course, take such sacrifice for granted. Their mothers make it safe for them to be blissfully unaware of their blessings. So these strong women sacrifice everything our culture deems important. They have no resume inflating career. Yet they give new life and meaning to all the Victorian platitudes lodged, because they are true, in the back of all our minds. “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”

These are kitchen table Socrates. They don’t trust the government schools that spend billions to produce cookie cutter children. These women use cookie cutters on cookies not children. Like Socrates, they despise uniformity in education and people who teach for money and not love of students . Their children are producing reams of stories, hours of music, original plays, and a whole new civilization. If our boys are overseas defending the West, these women are home renewing it.

Home school mothers are the heart of a traditionalist revolution that is driving life back into the homes. To these women, and the men blessed to be married to them, homes are no longer assets or places to share a microwave dinner at the end of an exhausting day of separation. Spreading like some beneficial virus, men and women are returning basic educational, economic, and social functions to home where they have always belonged.

A great poet was brought to see God through the example of one godly woman. Dante had his Beatrice and it was enough. It is harder for men in our materialistic age, so God has raised up thousands of such women. It is time to take a good hard look at what these heroes without epic poets are doing in quiet. I put very little trust in princes, whether elected or not. Rather, if the oldest stories are true the fate of the Republic rests more with these home school mothers.
There are now millions of these strong, independent, God fearing women in the United States. They ask nothing of government, but to be left alone.

These women are not impressed with stardom and glamor, many do not even own televisions. Their men work long hours in their own, often not very glamorous, businesses so that their wives can save the West. The men they admire get things done with decency and honor. They are often quiet men, but as sound as the state credit used to be. Their wives chose them for their virtues, not their muscles. Home school mothers are fiercely liberated and proudly traditional.

Seeing God in Beatrice allowed Dante to find his way back from darkness. Seeing God in these home school mothers could show any man the way back to decency and honor. I know, because I am married to a home school mother and she fires my imagination, gives me hope, and is educating the future of our line.

Mayhaps the West is in for difficult days . . . I could be wrong and Hillary might win, but I would still bet the children of the Beatrice Brigade will prevail in the end. The sacrifice of such matrons cannot be for nothing . . . and there is more real life in one of their questions than I have ever heard in a Hillary listening tour.

Take heart gentleman. They are out there, our Beatrice Brigade, doing the work of civilizing the next generation of culture warriors. My wife, I realized one day, was to me the Fairest Flower in all of Christendom . . . and so she is and so every Beatrice is to the one who sees her well. The land, every corner of it, are filled with such gentle souls . . fair flowers of Christ’s kingdom doing God’s work for God’s pay.

Thank you.

Written by John Mark Reynolds
Posted on http://www.scriptoriumdaily.com/

Maggie and Brody

I have to fight just to keep Brody from turning into a total brat. Maggie babies him way to much. She and I are having a talk shortly.

Today, she carried him around in a laundry basket for hours because "his feet can't touch the ground." Why? "Because he's the king." She then proceeded to yell at anyone who "turned their back on the king". I know that she does it as play but he's gonna get a complex.

After his bath tonight, she gave him a lotion massage. And he lay on the couch and let her. Good grief!

For Jawan

Okay, Jawan... you're right, it is time for a new post. But you almost gave me a heart attack. You, oh pregnant friend, should not send me an email with "It's time" in the subject line. Not funny. ;o)

Due to many unforseen hormone changes over the past few weeks, I've been a little emotional. I'm either way to energetic to sit at the computer or I'm blah and have nothing to say. That might be t.m.i. for some of you but that's just the way of things right now.

My lovely friend KimHill was robbed this week. It made me very angry. Their house in Roebuck that's been on the market for over a year had all of it's copper plumbing stolen.

We went camping last week and got rained on.

My mom's birthday was Easter Sunday.

What do all of these things have in common? My inability to trust God with my discomfort and pain. My mantra this week has been "That's not fair." I've really struggled. I want to, at the very least, be able to understand why God has done some of the things that He has done. I've struggled with some anger this week.

And then, the other night as I lay trying to go to sleep, fighting God, I had a dream. Maybe it was a vision, I'm not sure. Anyway, I'll describe it:

The wind was blowing strong and steady. I got the impression of being in Tibet, lush and green. I was standing just outside a line of trees, looking out over a wide open grassy place. In the midst of this open place was a well worn path. It wound it's way up the side of a tall mountain. As I watched, I could see a long, long line of people. Most of these people were either holding a baby or helping a sick or elderly person. The journey was long and the line unending. But the people were steadily plodding their way up the mountian. I walked past them, looking for what they were seeking. When I neared the top, I passed several tall statues that resembled the Easter Island statues. The people got quiet as they passed them. At the top of the mountain, in the midst of dozens of 'priests' stood a beautiful woman. I realized in my dream that she was a goddess of some sort. The people were bringing their babies and sick to her for her to bless them. I was overwhelmed with a deep sense a futility. They were seeking life from an idol, healing from a god in their own image. Pointless. And then, I heard God's voice...

and all He said was "This is what you really want. This is what you want me to be."

I really was shocked. No! That's not what I want at all, I insisted. But He reminded me that when He acted like the God that He is , the I Am, it made me angry. I wouldn't submit to His meticulously providential will. I wanted Him to be something that I could understand. A god that makes sense. A god that conforms to my will.

I was soundly reprimanded. Scolded. Humbled. He is so much bigger than my imagination that my mind rebels against the very thought of Him. Does that make Him less God? Just because I forget Him, does He cease to exist? Just because I disagree with His plan, does He lose power? Absolutely not!!!

I am left with a deep and abiding sense of protection. He is God. His vastness is all encompassing. His power is beyond understanding. And His love is consuming. And when I am consumed, I am alive. When I am consumed, I become who I really am.

Talent Show 2007

I've just arrived home from this year's talent show. Oh my gosh! So, so funny.

Maggie and Ty each did a poetic recitation. Shel Silverstein poems. Thank you, Aunt Denise for that particular birthday present all those years ago (Where The Sidewalk Ends). Gracie sang 2 songs with Mrs. Mona's class and also quoted a memory verse. I was proud of them all.

Adam did 2 songs by himself. Adam, Stokes and Connie did 3 songs together. WOW!!! Wish you could have been there to hear it. BTW, Amber, I'll try to get you a copy of Adam's new CD for your birthday that I missed. I thought about you all day but never made the time to call. Sorry, friend.

Betty was back by popular demand. She had written a new song and also performed some of her classics. It was a hoot. Mike Johnson played his guitar really well, as well as really loudly. No joke, I saw a young girl who's hearing impaired plug her ears. Very loud!

Seth played his guitar and sang. This year I noticed improvement in his playing and I could understand almost every word he sang. He followed up with an acapella version of the national anthem. He received a standing ovation. Jawan, you would have been proud.

And last, but most assuredly not least, The Staff Infections. For those of you who are uninformed, our church staff performs every year at the end of the talent show under the name The Staff Infections. It is always the best part of the night. This year they performed Stayin' Alive by the BeeGees. I laughed until I thought I would vomit.

Burt had on green suede boots with brass buckles and toes, his pants were too tight and his shirt was unbuttoned with gold chains around his neck. Stokes was alllll into it. KimHill said that he had his white-man-disco face. Steve boogied and Quinn tried to keep up.

Quinn was striking in his satin disco 'blouse'. Towards the end, they left the stage and dragged their wives up to dance with them. Go, Laura! Go, Laura! Do the hustle. Laura boogied down. KimHill took a minute to get over her humiliation and then she also 'got down'. Connie tried but poor thing, she was laughing too hard... or maybe she was just trying to cover up the fact that she found her husband powerfully attractive in his tight pants, bold satin shirt and very large chain. Anita was simply paralyzed. She couldn't quite find her rhythm. Poor thing. It must be a burden to be married to a black man in a white man's body.

All in all, an absolutely wonderful night. I know that I've left out a lot of acts but I don't have the time to recount it all. Everyone was great.I wish you all could have been there.

God is good. He has given me much to be thankful for. My church home is very close to the top of the list.

Catch Up

Time for a game of catch up. Since nothing I've done has been ground breaking... I'll hit the most memorable things. Which means, the ones I can actually remember.

We got a new couch. For free. It's very pretty. Our neighbors gave it to us. I was very excited. The kids were too until they realized that we would be getting rid of the old one. You would have thought that we were getting rid of Brody. There was much weeping done on that night in the Sharp home. Serious, shoulder-shaking sobbing... a flood of tears. They still harbor a little animosity toward the new couch. Loyal to the end.

We had another women's event at the church. It was really fun. I saw several things that need to be done differently next year. Everyone else seemed to think it was perfect. Jawan and Adam and Kim Hill took care of the music. People had fun, learned new things, and were encouraged. That was great to see and be a part of. Laura Morgan and I were the speakers. It's very hard to be objective about something like that... but all of the comments that I've received were very positive. All I know is that I had a blast speaking. I wasn't scared, even though I was in front of almost a hundred women. It was great. I'd love to do something like that again.

Chris has been taking guitar lessons from Adam Wright. I'm lovin' it. Chris is learning a lot of my favorite songs. Adam is amazing. Really.

Maggie and Ty started communicants class. For those of you not in the PCA, that means they're studying to become communing members of the church. They'll be going thru an 18 week course at the end of which they will sit down with the elders and be interviewed. Then the decision will be made as to whether or not they are truly ready for participation in Communion and church membership. I'll let you know.

Just FYI, Bohemian Rhapsody is my favorite song. There are many songs that I love and enjoy but none compare to BR. It's just so much fun. Just thought you might like to know.

Well the mob just came in, so there'll be no more concentrating for me anytime soon. I'll try to post again soon. Bye.

Provision

Sorry it's been so long... things have been a bit hectic. We're working on this year's big women's event at church. It's a little more complicated this year and taking up more of my time. Excuses. Excuses.



I always talk about God providing. He does provide. But lately I've been wondering... maybe it's just semantics, maybe not... but when I think of the word provide, it makes me think of me. What I need. What I want. Me.

My girls have been in need of new dressers for a few months. They have been using very small, plastic dressers. As they have grown, so have their clothes, making it harder for all their stuff to have a home. We haven't had the money for dressers. Then Terri calls me, out of the blue and gives me a beautiful, white wicker dresser and night stand, with 2 mirrors. Wow!

The underpinning on the trailer has been needing to be replaced. It's been that way for months. Mr. Jack called Chris up and offered some extra stuff that he had. It doesn't match perfectly but, hey, it was free.

Brody has been having bronchial spasms and needs breathing treatments. Guess what? Kim has a nebulizer... and the meds.

Over and over God provides for us. But I think we take this provision in too narrow a scope. Yes, God does provide our needs but He does it in the context of His sovereign plan. His provision of a bedroom suite for my girls has eternal roots and outworking. For every one thing that happens, don't you think that He has a million reasons for it? The scope of His plan and purpose is so far beyond our understanding, we don't even consider it.

He has a plan for me. For my daughters. For my trailer. For my little boy. And He also has a plan that encompasses all of creation. All the world and all its peoples. Could one wicker bedroom suite be a part of it?

I don't know for sure, but I suspect the answer is yes. Mind-blowing.

"Puppy Prozac"

"Puppy Prozac". That was the title of a news segment on television just now. Not kidding.

The heart wrenching story of a depressed greyhound. According to his very earnest owner, he was very excitable and seemed sad. He would bark when someone rang the doorbell or when the phone rang. Huh. Very strange behavior from a dog.

So the vet prescribed Prozac. And now "he's like a whole new dog."

If Prozac seems a little extreme, there are other options. Like holistic medicine. Or accupuncture. No, I am not kidding. They showed footage of a dog getting accupuncture. The owner bragged that he was a very healthy dog. Guess what? So is my dog. And she eats dead animals and licks herself.

It just seemed too absurd. I had to comment. I'm sure there are spiritual lessons there. Like how broken our world is or how lonely people are. But right now, all I can do is shake my head in disbelief.

I Got People

As you saw in my last post, I struggle sometimes with insecurities. And it is a struggle. I think I post my struggles more than anything else. Why is that?

I don't struggle with it like I used to... I don't hate myself. I guess I'm beginning to see myself thru the eyes of the Gospel and I like what I see. I can accept myself because Christ has accepted me. I can love myself because Christ has loved me. And then He gives me family...

I hate to even clarify "church family" because I feel like some might dismiss it. Because my church family is unlike anything I have experienced this side of heaven. I know that to some, church people are nice folks who bring you food when someone dies or maybe say Hi in the grocery store. But mine is very different. My church family includes people in California, Georgia, Mississippi, London. Let's call them my 'people'. Like that tax commercial. "I got people." They are deeper than friends but have no actual blood relation. There is a mystical connection.

And we're not family because we have so much in common. We are, in fact, quite diverse. I have people who are very trendy and some who are anything but. I have people who are loud and witty and some who are shy and reserved. Very different. But they are my people. They belong to me and I to them. I have people in their 80s and people barely in their teens. And I talk and connect with them all. I guess that what I'm talking about is unity. Huh. Unity.

We had a potluck dinner after church today to say good-bye to the Carters, one of our own who have moved. Jon and Betty, Joanna and Emma. (Betty is a writer. Lovely books. You can find them on Amazon I think... Betty Smartt-Carter.) Anyways.... they are leaving us but only in geography.

As I looked around today, I was struck again at the beauty of the love of Christ. I could go sit at any and every table and be accepted and loved. They all know my faults and sins and struggles but as they have faults and sins and struggles of their own, they accept me as I am. They know that God is bigger than our pain and problems and they let love cover a multitude of sin.


For those who want a visual... I looked around at one point and this is what I saw:
Steve and Laura dancing while the Foushee's and Carter's looked on, laughing.
Jordan giving Brody a piece of chocolate cake.
Adam and Ms. Merrell deep in conversation.
Jessica and Connie eating together.
KimHill and Chris eating and laughing.
About a million kids at the other end of the gym, running and playing.
Jennifer Jensen and Laura Barnett walking towards me to talk.
I heard rather than saw Burt laughing.

Altogether, a shining moment of Shalom... the way things ought to be.

Know Thyself

There are certain things that I know about myself. Characteristics that are as much a part of me as my curly hair.

1. Some mornings I wake up with an excessive number of words in my brain just waiting to be used. I cannot make them go away or cease to exist. I talk. Sometimes too much. But God has blessed me with a husband who loves that about me. Once, when we were newly married, I realized that I had been talking and not letting Chris get a word in. So I stopped, looked at him and said, "Okay. Your turn." He looked at me, grinned and replied, "Uh-uh. Nope... that's why I married you. So I'd never have to talk again." He didn't mean it bad. He genuinely loves that about me.

2. I am clumsy. Painfully so. It takes a great deal of mental concentration to not hurt myself on a daily basis. I've learned how to do other things while I'm being aware of the steps I'm descending or the ground I'm walking over. But I've learned to concentrate a certain amount of energy to being aware of my clumsiness and compensate for it. Chris says that I'm so focused on where I'm going I don't pay attention to how I get there.

3. I lose things. I don't pay attention to what I'm doing... see previous paragraph... I lay things down and walk away. I've grown out of it a bit over the years. But papers still elude me. I cannot keep up with little scraps of paper. That's one reason I love computers. I've never once lost my CPU.

4. I will never be "the best" at anything. No matter what it is, someone in my sphere of aquaintances will be better at it than I am. I may be good at lots of things... but I'll never be the best. I've learned to accept that fact. It's okay.

These are the very things that made me hate myself growing up. I felt like an idiot or a freak. My family teased me or was annoyed by me. To this day, a lot of my extended family completely do not hear me when I speak.... they're just used to tuning me out I guess. I refuse to let Chris buy me nice jewelry. He tried once... I lost it. I still hate myself for that. I enjoy my CZ jewels.

I want to be perfect so badly. I hate feeling like a doof. I hate the sometimes lingering feeling that when I leave a room, someone rolls their eyes. Why is that?

I think that it is, in part, my spirit crying out for shalom... the way things ought to be. I was created for perfection. I was created for wholeness. But I do not live in a perfect, whole world. Therefore, I am out of place. If I know that I was created for something else, shouldn't I feel like a fish out of water? Isn't it okay for me to long for heaven, for the way things ought to be? And in the meantime, can I accept, by God's grace, who I am?

Chris is such a visual aid for God's grace. He loves that I talk a lot. He takes care of me when I hurt myself... never once teasing me. He has never lectured me when I've lost something. He tells me that I am the perfect woman for him. I experience these things with him and am pushed to accept the same love, only vastly deeper, from God.

God knows me. God loves me. He is not disappointed in me. He has never rolled his eyes or laughed at my expense. I am his bride and He gives His all to me. Literally.

I Am Fat... And It Is Good

I met my first weight loss goal tonight.

I have lost 10% of my body weight. Which, for me, means that I am no longer obese... I am only fat. So applaud me. Affirm me. Give me cheers. But before all that, praise God with me.

This has been such an exercise in grace. I am weak but he is strong. There have been so many epiphanies. I have been shown so many idols, so many wrong desires. I have learned that when I do wonderfully, I am proud. When I fail miserably, I am unbelieving. I have come to understand more fully that in my natural state, I am a failure. But in my redeemed state, I am beautiful and whole and loved and enjoyed.

I still have a long journey ahead of me... but I cannot give up. I cannot give in. God has brought me thru the valleys (or should I say the plateau?). He is all I have. He is all I need. He is all I want. He is all.

Random Thoughts

I haven't blogged in a week. I've been hoping to have one long post but instead I'll have to settle for one mismatched, incoherant post.

Sometimes, trying to take my children places is like trying to transport convicts of an insane asylum from one facility to another without the use of medication, guns or physical violence.

We're watching Fiddler On The Roof right now. It's such a great movie. Sad in parts. I love the way Tevia talks to God constantly. I love the way he lets go of his traditions/comforts for the sakes of those he loves.

When I lose .8 pounds I will be fat. Not obese. Woo-hoo. Can't wait for weigh in. Although with the way I'm having to work my leg, building the muscle, I might have gained weight. Patience is so hard.

I made a great supper tonight. At least Chris and the kids thought so. Chicken fettucine alfredo with broccoli and cheese sticks. Yum. Chris put it best... he said that I'm a great cook when I'm in the mood to do it.

I'm very sleepy. Wish I could go to bed. Maybe in a couple of hours I can.

Addison's Blog

Addison is the second son of our pastor. He (Addison) is working as a ministry intern at a church in New Zealand. Very, very cool!

I've put a link to his blog in my link list. ---> Check it out.

He's very funny in a highly intellectual way. Look for his post titled "Pictures". Amazing!!!! He's very artistic. You'll enjoy it.

P.S. If you'd like, he's always in need of support. Prayers and money.

No one ever comments on my blog anymore. :(

So sad. Don't you like it anymore? Have I grown boring and predictable? Probably so.

Sorry.

"Deep Thoughts"

I got a book today. Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. Very funny.

Here's a quote:

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."

Not sure why, but that makes me laugh every time I read it.

Things I've Heard Part 2

It seems that some of you enjoyed my last list. So I thought that I'd do another.

1. A man can't get any sleep around here with all this racket. - Ellas

2. Mama, Ellas got his mouth shut in the door! - Gracie

3. It's okay Mama. I'm not on fire. - Brody

4. What's KimHill's last name? - Gracie

5. Who put my spoons on top of the refrigerator? - me

6. Why is there neosporin on Gracie's toothbrush? - me

7. Oops, I gotta go potty! - Brody

8. Mama, you've lost so much weight I can finally put my arms all the way around you! -Maggie

9. I know it's kinda cold... but can we go on a bike ride today? - Ty ... it was 35 degrees out.

10. Maggie, are you putting sugar in your milk? - me... in an appalled tone of voice

And last but not least, a snippet of conversation...

(at the indoor McDonald's playground)
Grace - This place looks like the Light House.
Me - The Light House?
Grace - Yeah. You know where the President lives?
Me- That would be the White House.
Grace - Oh.

All Mine

My husband is the strongest man that I know. Yes, he is physically strong but that's not what I mean. I'm talking about his character.

If you talk to him, he'll tell you all about his sin and shortcomings. And he will tell you the truth, which is that any good thing about him is due to the power and grace of God given to him. He knows his failings well. But I see the overall picture of him:

He feels things so deeply. If someone else is hurting, he hurts with them.

He loves more deeply than any other human being that I have ever met.

He daily sacrifices his own life and comfort for me.

He longs to serve Christ and constantly feels inadequate, both of which are great things to feel.

He takes his God-given responsibilities very seriously.

I love him very, very much. So much that it feels like a physical ache in my chest.

Now, lest you think he's perfect... I'll give a couple of his faults. ;o)

He repeats things a lot. Especially questions. And the more important the question, the more he repeats it. "Did you pay the tithe?"... "I forget... did you tithe this week?" ... "Have we tithed lately?" (all asked within the space of one morning)

If he is assembling and/or building something, don't even try to talk to him. In that moment, nothing else exists.

His ability to process information is directly proportionate to the number of hours of sleep that he's had. For example, if he is functioning off of ... say 4 hours of sleep and I ask him what he wants to eat for supper, I receive the blank stare as his mind gradually catches up. After about 15 seconds of the stare, he will blink, refocus and ask, "Huh?" At which point, I repeat the question and he stares for about 10 seconds. At this point, his brain indicates that I have asked a completely ridiculous question and he replies, "I don't care, baby. Whatever you want is fine." If I come back in 30 minutes, chances are he won't even remember that I asked it.

Enough teasing him. He is exquisitely wonderful and meticulously loving and mine. All mine.

Today I feel like a big, fat failure. A flop. A complete waste of space.

I know that I've gained a few pounds... I leave to go weigh-in in a few minutes. I've lost almost 20 pounds so far, but this week has been bad. I've eaten just like I used to. Some of it might be PMS but not all of it. I dread the scales tonight.

I've worked getting the kids' unit study ready. Fun stuff. Stuff they can have fun with. They hate it. Whine whine whine. Why do I try so hard?

I put so much pressure on myself. I feel it keenly. It's a heavy yoke I put on voluntarily. Why?

I am free. Why do I enslave myself?

Shooting Stars

I always feel like I have to check my email before I can blog. But seeing as how I probably have 100 emails... I'm skipping email and going to straight to the blog.

My head hurts. I'm sleepy. My knee is swollen. Blah Blah Blah. But I've really missed my blog.

There was a wonderful meteor shower here last week. Amazing. I knew nothing about it, hadn't seen anything on the news or anything. But on the way home from Kim's we saw three shooting stars. Which is very weird. Maybe one but never three. So... when we got home I checked the net and sure enough, the biggest meteor shower of 2006 was about to really get started.

We did our evening chores, put on our ski gear, grabbed our blankets and turned out the lights. We spread our blankets in the middle of the front yard facing east and snuggled up. Wow! We saw big ones, small ones, fast ones, slow ones. Blue ones, green ones, a red one and lots of white ones. We stayed out until after 11:00 watching the sky.

Shooting stars are so unneccesary. They accomplish no grand purpose. But their beauty is captivating. You look and you look, watching hopefully. Waiting for your chance to have your breath stolen away. And when it happens... sometimes you squeal. Sometimes you scream and sometimes you just catch your breath. But always...always, you are amazed and delighted.

God's love for me is so like that. He doesn't have to love me, but He does. He doesn't have to bless me with beauty or the ability to enjoy it, but He does. He gives me gifts of pure delight. He sings over me with love. His love sprinkles down from the heavens on me as I breath out my thankfulness. Adria Ellis said once concerning God the Spirit, "He is around me and over me. He is beside me and under me. And I am immersed in Him." He gives me these glimpses of His beauty until I can be with Him face to face.

And I watch for Him. Expectantly. Eagerly. Breathlessly. Come, Jesus. Come quickly.

Lazy

I'm so lazy. I haven't posted in so long.... I have no excuse. I really like to blog, Not sure why I haven't.

Kim, Boo, Terri and I went to Chattanooga. We stayed 2 nights and almost 3 days. Very fun! We watched television and ate and laughed and read and shopped. I'm so glad that I got to go. Random thought... While there we saw a really nice car with a personalized tag that read " King of Tennesse" They misspelled Tennessee! I'm not a very good speller, but I at least spell-check if it's something permanent and highly visible.

I go to physical therapy twice a week. I don't have to drive to Birmingham either. I go to a guy in downtown Springville. His name is Satan... I mean Scott Deuel. He's charming on the surface but don't let that fool ya. He's really quite mean. As soon as an exercise quits hurting, he adds more weight or changes it to make it harder. When he can't do that anymore, he just discontinues that exercise and starts me on a new one. - I really am kidding... my knee is sooo much better and it's because of Scott. He's very smart. (Don't tell him I said that) He's a lot like Chris and G and Judd. A little sarcastic but very witty. He takes it as well as he dishes it out.

My knee is showing a few sign of tendonitis. Nothing bad, but sometimes it really starts aching. I have to do an ice "massage" several times a day. I put massage in quotes because all I do is rub a piece of ice on my knee until it melts. How is that a massage?

Well that's all for this post. More later!

Grace

Things move me. Sometimes it is a song. Other times a conversation with a friend. Or a movie. On and on the list could go. I came across a poem the other day. It has haunted me.


He who learns must suffer.
And even in his sleep
Pain that cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart,
And in our own despair,
Against our will,
Comes wisdom to us
By the awful grace of God.

Aeschylus

Updates

Just a short update. It must be short because sitting at the computer kills my leg.

Ellas is home from the hospital. He is making progress, slowly but surely. His temp is normal. His mouth and throat are still affected by the ulcerated places. The Lord brought us all to the point where we had to trust Him with Ellas' very life. It's hard to watch someone you love be as sick as he was. It is also terribly hard to watch my dearest friend and sister make that faith choice. Kim had more faith than I can comprehend. She is amazing. But praise the Lord, His plan is to let us keep Ellas for a while longer.

My knee is healing. Rehab is difficult and sometimes excrutiating. But God makes a way amd gives me strength. I feel stronger. I'm having some faith issues when it comes to using these cumbersome crutches though.

My friends and church family have taken excellent care of me and my family. Thank you to all of you.

Well, that's all the pain I can stand right now. More later.

My poor sweet boy. Ellas is a very sick little boy. He's been in Children's for 4 days now. The doctors feel pretty sure that he has something called Stephens-Johnson Syndrome. He was put on oxygen yesterday. His fever has finally come down though. It looks like he'll make a full recovery but it might take a while still. Kim and Scott have been told to expect him to be in the hospital for at least 4-5 more days. Please pray for them. 

My leg after surgery. I'm recovering well. My physical therapist said that I'm doing really well. It hurts like he*%$! 

Bits and Pieces

Here's just a few random things to tell you. They are not unimportant, only random.

I saw a cat chasing a car tonight. It was really funny. I needed a laugh very badly.

Ellas is in Children's Hospital. He was admitted today. They are really not sure what's wrong with him. He's had a 104 fever for a day and a half now. His lips are swollen and blistered. The doctor said the swelling was not consistent with only dehydration. His mouth and throat are blistered also. We'll know something tomorrow.

I am having surgery at 8:30 in the morning. I tore the ACL in my left knee. I can't spell the name of it... it's anterior cru...something ligament. It cannot be repaired, only rebuilt. Then lots of therapy afterward. I dread it. I'm such a baby.

When I tell people that I tore my ACL, if they know what that is, I get the occasional response of "Huh. I thought that was a sports injury." What? I don't look athletic to you? Chris thinks I'm athletic. He's always asking me if I wanna wrestle.

I received a lovely card from Amber today. Thank you dear friend.

Bren and I had a deeply philosophical conversation today (quit reading Frank, you might cry). It concerned Jack Black. We find it admirable that people like Jack Black and Will Farrell and Jim Carrey can commit themselves so completely to something. We find ourselves way too concerned with how we look. Those guys do not care one bit if/when they look completely ridiculous. It's really quite remarkable. I wish I could be more like that.

Well, we're about to watch The Benchwarmers. It's always nice when you can go into something with really low expectations that are justified.

It'll be a few days before I post again. Enjoy your life while I enjoy my pain meds. And be sure to pray for Ellas.

Here's my favorite picture from our trip to Moundville. The day was perfect: sunny, a bit windy, warm. We had so much fun! 

Trick or Treat

Well, I suppose this year's trick or treating excursion was successful. We had fun and got way too much candy.

I let each kid keep a gallon size ziploc full of candy. And Chris has about 6 pounds of leftover candy to take to work. Good grief! I'm sure some of the women he works with might hate me for sending it to work but I have to get it out of my house. Otherwise, we all know what would happen to it.

Insecurities

I wonder if everyone is like me. Does everyone have moments of feeling like they're on the outside looking in? Like all the people they're with are deeply connected and they are just the "pity" friend? Maybe it is just me. If so, why do I feel that way?

I had such a marvelous day. We invited new people from church over for lunch. Boo and Evan came too. So did Jessica Wright. I had fun... hopefully they did also. Then we went to Laura Leigh's surprise birthday party. It was so great to see her have a good time and receive all the love that everyone has for her.

Last night we had the Fall Festival at church. Again, fun.

My church is my family. Debi Manville put it so well tonight. She said that some families are linked to you by blood, but our church family is linked to us by Jesus' blood. I am very deeply connected to my church family. Words cannot explain it.

So why, in the midst of all of this, do I feel like an awkward, unwanted pest? Maybe it's because G teases me too much. Nah, that's not it. Secretly I like the affirmation he offers in his own weird way.

I think it's because they all seem too good to be true. They know me too well and profess to still love me. They regard me with patient love. They call something out of me that is beautiful. It's quite unsettling.

Larry Crabb has a unique take on this in his book The Safest Place On Earth. His thought is that when we really believe that the Gospel is true (that we are more sinful than we can imagine and yet more loved than we ever thought possible) that this belief generates spiritual passions. These spiritual passions are then the centerpiece of true spiritual community. "They are what we pour into one another. True spiritual passions communicate more truth to deeper places in people than well-presented teaching, because they can exist only if the gospel is true."

My friends arouse spiritual passion in me. They pour life into my soul through our interactions. This is at once, satisfying and terrifying. Intimate and uncomfortable. Real and mysterious. This kind of interaction helps me hear the gospel on a whole new level. The gospel tells me not just that God loves me, but that so do his people. My church family has a way of loving me that touches my very soul. They don't try to excuse my sin or ignore my failings. They know them, many times, before I do. Yet they choose to love me. To see Christ in me. They don't condemn me or look down on me because they're just as bad as I am.

Wow. How is it possible to accept this kind of affirmation? Only thru the gospel. Their love recognizes Christ in me when it's very hard to see for myself. He does love me. He pays attention to me. He never ignores me. He seeks me out. He knows my sin and chose to love me to death. The only way I can receive this is with humility.

I am unworthy. But, man, am I loved.