Be forewarned, this might be a bit of a ramble. My thoughts are disorganized and yet concrete. I know what I mean, what I feel, but can't seem to put it all in order. Several spiritual strings have ends that almost touch and connect in my mind, but I can't tell what goes with what.
I know that people do not understand (or is it comprehend?) the way my family lives. We love being together but we don't crave alone time. We speak openly with each other, argue, laugh, make inside jokes, confess sins... but we don't require those things to be done in the privacy of our immediate family.
Our house, especially in summer, is rarely filled with only Sharps. We have kids coming in and out, most of them staying multiple nights, even weeks, at a time. Our grocery budget is ridiculous.
When our beloved friend, Jevon, stayed with us for 6 weeks this summer, I had no less than 5 people comment that we must be looking forward to getting our house back to normal. They assumed it had been a hard adjustment and that we had somehow changed our lifestyle while he was here. And while to a small degree, that is true, (we ate out a lot more) our home life stayed basically the same. They had no way of knowing the heartbreak that we felt to have to say goodbye. We would have gladly let him stay as long as he wanted.
This week we have had... let me count... Abby, Kaylin, John, Frankie, and Steven... so, 5 kids staying with us off and on. We have had silly talks, deep introspection, and angsty conversations. Last night as I was sitting in bed reading, I ended up with 4 girls piled on my bed talking about what God is teaching them. That's pretty stinkin' awesome. There are limits though. My house is small so I draw the line at 8 extra. Twelve kids is too many for a house this size.
I don't know why Chris and I love it so much. I just know we do. When Chris walks in the kitchen and sees an extra kid, his face lights up. Right this minute, as I type this, Ty and John are laid out on the sofas talking to me. I love it.
I'm trying to figure out why we are the way we are. I didn't grow up this way. Chris didn't either. We learned hospitality and transparency from a family who invested in us. They invited us over, took us on vacation, put us to work and just lived before us. It was life changing.
So, after writing all this down, I think there are three strings here. One, hospitality. Two, we are the same whether we're around people or not. Three, absolute gratitude for the house God provided.
Hmmm... I still feel that I've not fully fleshed out what I feel. That may be because I have 6 kids who keep coming in and out, talking to me. I can't keep a train of thought.
But, the point is, if I invite you or your child to come stay with us, I mean it. We love company.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Saturday, June 01, 2013
A Week in the Life...
This week has been a bit crazy. My emotions are all over the place.
On the bad side of the scales:
1. A sweet 6yo local boy died this week after a long battle with brain cancer. We sat on Highway 11 yesterday and watched his funeral procession pass. This morning on Facebook, I reviewed all the pictures from the family's long journey and wept. Little Thomas J's casket was transported to the cemetery on a fire truck.
2. Yesterday my Dad's first cousin died. Alan was injured at his birth and spent the rest of his life with the mental capacity of a one year old. His mother, my great aunt Doris, died a few months ago. I remember when I was a teenager and Alan was in his thirties, I would sit and play "This Little Piggie" with his toes. He laughed every time. Alan was being transported from his group home to a routine doctor's appointment when, for some reason, the transport van left the roadway and hit a tree head-on. Alan died instantly.
3. I haven't seen my Dad-in-law in a week. He's been in a lot of pain and hasn't wanted visitors. I miss him. I hate knowing he's hurting.
4. I've gotten emails and calls this week from several friends asking for prayer for their children. Everything from drug use to school problems to rebellion. Some of the kids I know and some I don't, but their parents' heartbreak is real and profound and easily felt. I hurt for them, for their children and then fear for my own children's hearts.
These things are from the past week; in the past month I've held a friend whose son committed suicide. I've cried with a friend whose husband is struggling at work. I've listened to my own child struggle to understand why a supposed friend would try so hard to be hurtful. This kind of pain lingers in my heart, making me tender and raw.
But...
On the beautiful side of things...
1. Gracie got to go on her first Youth trip, a truly momentous occasion. She agonized over each and every outfit, folding and unfolding, repacking and rethinking. We bought her first floppy beach hat. We discussed boys and difficult friendships, doctrine and fear. I adore seeing my kids grow up and taking their first real steps to adulthood.
2. Jevon is here. We met him in England back in 2009 when he was just sixteen. He was our unofficial tour guide and sidekick. We kept in touch a bit, then on our second trip in 2011, a full-blown family connection bloomed. We have Skyped (the best use of technology ever!) and Facebooked and kept in touch. He is currently sitting at my dining room table watching tennis on his Mac and chatting with me.
3. Our friends took us to an Atlanta Braves game after we picked Jev up from the airport. It was really, really fun. Or as Jevon says, "proper fun". He had his first corn dog and enjoyed it. We took lots of pictures and laughed a lot!
4. We've gotten to eat out several times, which if you know us is kind of a big deal. Chick-fil-a, Charlie's, Wal-Mart deli, Del Sol. Yeah, that's a big deal.
5. Chris was off this week. I got to hold his hand and sit beside him and talk to him all week. *le sigh
6. Emma has come over and that always makes me happy. She is so open about her feelings, struggles, sins, victories, etc. It can hurt to see her hurt, but she is a gift.
7. John Ponder spent most of the week with us. I love that boy.
8.Gracie came home from the beach. Oh how I missed her!!!
As you can see, this week was full of ups and downs. I have wept and laughed, cheered and grumbled, struggled and exulted. When I said that to Jevon, he said, "Well that's real life now, isn't it?" So true. God has been good this week.
The Lord gives. The Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
On the bad side of the scales:
1. A sweet 6yo local boy died this week after a long battle with brain cancer. We sat on Highway 11 yesterday and watched his funeral procession pass. This morning on Facebook, I reviewed all the pictures from the family's long journey and wept. Little Thomas J's casket was transported to the cemetery on a fire truck.
2. Yesterday my Dad's first cousin died. Alan was injured at his birth and spent the rest of his life with the mental capacity of a one year old. His mother, my great aunt Doris, died a few months ago. I remember when I was a teenager and Alan was in his thirties, I would sit and play "This Little Piggie" with his toes. He laughed every time. Alan was being transported from his group home to a routine doctor's appointment when, for some reason, the transport van left the roadway and hit a tree head-on. Alan died instantly.
3. I haven't seen my Dad-in-law in a week. He's been in a lot of pain and hasn't wanted visitors. I miss him. I hate knowing he's hurting.
4. I've gotten emails and calls this week from several friends asking for prayer for their children. Everything from drug use to school problems to rebellion. Some of the kids I know and some I don't, but their parents' heartbreak is real and profound and easily felt. I hurt for them, for their children and then fear for my own children's hearts.
These things are from the past week; in the past month I've held a friend whose son committed suicide. I've cried with a friend whose husband is struggling at work. I've listened to my own child struggle to understand why a supposed friend would try so hard to be hurtful. This kind of pain lingers in my heart, making me tender and raw.
But...
On the beautiful side of things...
1. Gracie got to go on her first Youth trip, a truly momentous occasion. She agonized over each and every outfit, folding and unfolding, repacking and rethinking. We bought her first floppy beach hat. We discussed boys and difficult friendships, doctrine and fear. I adore seeing my kids grow up and taking their first real steps to adulthood.
2. Jevon is here. We met him in England back in 2009 when he was just sixteen. He was our unofficial tour guide and sidekick. We kept in touch a bit, then on our second trip in 2011, a full-blown family connection bloomed. We have Skyped (the best use of technology ever!) and Facebooked and kept in touch. He is currently sitting at my dining room table watching tennis on his Mac and chatting with me.
3. Our friends took us to an Atlanta Braves game after we picked Jev up from the airport. It was really, really fun. Or as Jevon says, "proper fun". He had his first corn dog and enjoyed it. We took lots of pictures and laughed a lot!
4. We've gotten to eat out several times, which if you know us is kind of a big deal. Chick-fil-a, Charlie's, Wal-Mart deli, Del Sol. Yeah, that's a big deal.
5. Chris was off this week. I got to hold his hand and sit beside him and talk to him all week. *le sigh
6. Emma has come over and that always makes me happy. She is so open about her feelings, struggles, sins, victories, etc. It can hurt to see her hurt, but she is a gift.
7. John Ponder spent most of the week with us. I love that boy.
8.Gracie came home from the beach. Oh how I missed her!!!
As you can see, this week was full of ups and downs. I have wept and laughed, cheered and grumbled, struggled and exulted. When I said that to Jevon, he said, "Well that's real life now, isn't it?" So true. God has been good this week.
The Lord gives. The Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
My Current Thoughts on Motherhood
I woke up this morning thinking about Mother's Day, no specifics, just an awareness. I got on Facebook and post after post after post of people telling their mothers how wonderful they are and how they learned everything they know from their wonderful mothers.
I love my mother and sometimes I miss her dreadfully. When I miss her, it is always with the disclaimer: *but not the person she was when she died, but who she was when I was young*. My mother died of mental illness. Reader's Digest asked people to submit a 6 word tribute to their mother. Mine?
She did the best she could. There is grace for the rest.
It took me a few minutes of reflection to be able to put my mother to rest again. I remembered something a faithful friend said to me a few years ago. He listened to my mother-fears and pointed out that my children have a very different childhood than my own. This is so beautifully true. The poverty, mental illnesses, divorce, anger, etc are far removed from my children. I, on the other hand, am still close enough to smell it and hear it. This leads to my fear.
I sat on the side of my bed this morning and thought of my kids still sleeping soundly in their beds. I thought about their lives and their growing knowledge of the Cross. They see sin and sorrow, death and pain, but they have a different filter than I did.
When I entered high school, it had become childish and a "waste of my potential" to want to be a wife and mother. In 11th grade, my school offered a job fair and we had to declare "what we wanted to be when we grew up". Motherhood and marriage wasn't on the list. I had to choose something else. I chose physical therapy or teaching, but deep in my heart, I just wanted to be a homemaker. I kept it quiet though, on the down low. I'm a people pleaser.
I have a friend I knew when I was in high school. She knew everything about me. Recently, after a divorce and a death, we stood in the cemetery and cried together. She had many regrets. As we stood weeping together, she looked at me and said, "Please tell me you don't take your life for granted. You have everything you ever wanted. That is so rare, Crissy. Be thankful and don't take it for granted. Promise me." I promised.
This morning, I stood in my hallway and listened to my kids' silence and kept that promise. Mother's Day is not about celebrating my mother but forgiving her and knowing that she tried. Mother's Day is remembering to savor the fact that I have everything I ever wanted and more. I should get my husband and children gifts on this day, not the other way around.
I asked my kids to complete the six word tribute. Here are their results.
Wise. Loving. Strong. Excited. Funny. Ridiculous.
She's a loving but annoying mother. (haha Ty.)
Loving. Sarcastic. Smart. Pretty. Crazy. Creative.
There aren't words to describe her.
She's got a really great personality. (yes, Maggie was being funny)
Then I asked them, "What is the one sentence that I say the most?"
I love you.
Be quiet! Your dad is sleeping.
TY!!!!!!
I love my mother and sometimes I miss her dreadfully. When I miss her, it is always with the disclaimer: *but not the person she was when she died, but who she was when I was young*. My mother died of mental illness. Reader's Digest asked people to submit a 6 word tribute to their mother. Mine?
Good intentions. Mental illness. Mercy. Missed.
She did the best she could. There is grace for the rest.
It took me a few minutes of reflection to be able to put my mother to rest again. I remembered something a faithful friend said to me a few years ago. He listened to my mother-fears and pointed out that my children have a very different childhood than my own. This is so beautifully true. The poverty, mental illnesses, divorce, anger, etc are far removed from my children. I, on the other hand, am still close enough to smell it and hear it. This leads to my fear.
I sat on the side of my bed this morning and thought of my kids still sleeping soundly in their beds. I thought about their lives and their growing knowledge of the Cross. They see sin and sorrow, death and pain, but they have a different filter than I did.
When I entered high school, it had become childish and a "waste of my potential" to want to be a wife and mother. In 11th grade, my school offered a job fair and we had to declare "what we wanted to be when we grew up". Motherhood and marriage wasn't on the list. I had to choose something else. I chose physical therapy or teaching, but deep in my heart, I just wanted to be a homemaker. I kept it quiet though, on the down low. I'm a people pleaser.
I have a friend I knew when I was in high school. She knew everything about me. Recently, after a divorce and a death, we stood in the cemetery and cried together. She had many regrets. As we stood weeping together, she looked at me and said, "Please tell me you don't take your life for granted. You have everything you ever wanted. That is so rare, Crissy. Be thankful and don't take it for granted. Promise me." I promised.
This morning, I stood in my hallway and listened to my kids' silence and kept that promise. Mother's Day is not about celebrating my mother but forgiving her and knowing that she tried. Mother's Day is remembering to savor the fact that I have everything I ever wanted and more. I should get my husband and children gifts on this day, not the other way around.
I asked my kids to complete the six word tribute. Here are their results.
Wise. Loving. Strong. Excited. Funny. Ridiculous.
She's a loving but annoying mother. (haha Ty.)
Loving. Sarcastic. Smart. Pretty. Crazy. Creative.
There aren't words to describe her.
She's got a really great personality. (yes, Maggie was being funny)
Then I asked them, "What is the one sentence that I say the most?"
I love you.
Be quiet! Your dad is sleeping.
TY!!!!!!
Sunday, May 05, 2013
Jeremiah 1:7
We had the most amazing prayer time tonight at church. Every other week, we meet in the evening to eat together and pray. We pray first. Tonight Rick asked Ty to open. I could tell it made him a little uncomfortable but I think he's used to it. Rick, and all the other men at the church, don't treat him as if he's just a kid or a "youth". They treat him like a fellow member, a peer of sorts. They involve him in conversations and let him have input. Most of the time he sits and listens. He plays with the other boys, the ones closer to his age. He plays with the little ones. Jack (age 4) especially adores him.
Two years ago, Ty prayed every night for God to bring a boy his age to Springville church. We prayed with him. I saw how much he missed his friends from Moody. I saw him grow more and more disheartened. Then I saw him give up. One year ago, Ty hated Springville. He was angry with God.
I saw something amazing happen though. I saw my son become part of a church. Not part of a youth group or part of a Bible study for people his age, but part of a church - as a whole. It took some time, a detox in a way. He was so accustomed to being consigned to his peers that he didn't realize he was part of a bigger body.
Tonight, Ty prayed not just the one time to open, but a total of three times. Maggie prayed. Gracie prayed. Three of the other kids prayed as well. Ty's prayer was not for people his own age, as he used to pray, but for "other Christians" who didn't have what he has. Who didn't have a church family... those were his words, a "church family that will love them."
I can recount a similar series of events for Maggie.
A couple of months ago my teenagers sat at the kitchen table and tearfully expressed gratitude. They love being part of a whole. There is something to be said for not having a traditional youth group. There is such a benefit in my teenaged daughter sitting in women's Bible study and learning, from watching and listening, how to be a godly woman. There is such benefit in my teenaged son working side by side with godly men who teach him, not just how to install siding, but how to live out the gospel.
I see so many youth who depend solely on their peers for spiritual support, who go to churches with sketchy theology just because they have good programs for kids their age. I promise, I am not anti-youth group. I think Stokes does a great job. But I think sometimes we, as communing adults, take it too far. We allow the presence of a paid youth worker to relieve us of the privilege of coming along side younger believers and investing in their lives.
Maybe I'm just expressing my own experiences. Maybe God has just been particularly gracious to my church planting children. Maybe we can have it both ways, I don't know. What I do know is that my children are growing and flourishing and really happy. Happier than I've ever seen them. They're not more comfortable. In fact, they feel more pain in the form of compassion and sorrow. They are, however, content and more aware of their place in a whole, as opposed to seeking their own pleasure.
Teaching our youth to have a kingdom mindset and heart for the lost requires them to know their place in the Kingdom. It requires them to know the rest of the body. What good is it to teach them how to resist peer pressure if they're not given a greater affection? What benefit is it to teach them how to relate to others if they're never around people who are different than themselves (in age, experience and struggle)? My children are part of the Body of Christ. They needed to know that. They need their covenant aunts, uncles, grandparents, and yes, peers. They need time together with people their own age, but they also need all of us.
Two years ago, Ty prayed every night for God to bring a boy his age to Springville church. We prayed with him. I saw how much he missed his friends from Moody. I saw him grow more and more disheartened. Then I saw him give up. One year ago, Ty hated Springville. He was angry with God.
I saw something amazing happen though. I saw my son become part of a church. Not part of a youth group or part of a Bible study for people his age, but part of a church - as a whole. It took some time, a detox in a way. He was so accustomed to being consigned to his peers that he didn't realize he was part of a bigger body.
Tonight, Ty prayed not just the one time to open, but a total of three times. Maggie prayed. Gracie prayed. Three of the other kids prayed as well. Ty's prayer was not for people his own age, as he used to pray, but for "other Christians" who didn't have what he has. Who didn't have a church family... those were his words, a "church family that will love them."
I can recount a similar series of events for Maggie.
A couple of months ago my teenagers sat at the kitchen table and tearfully expressed gratitude. They love being part of a whole. There is something to be said for not having a traditional youth group. There is such a benefit in my teenaged daughter sitting in women's Bible study and learning, from watching and listening, how to be a godly woman. There is such benefit in my teenaged son working side by side with godly men who teach him, not just how to install siding, but how to live out the gospel.
I see so many youth who depend solely on their peers for spiritual support, who go to churches with sketchy theology just because they have good programs for kids their age. I promise, I am not anti-youth group. I think Stokes does a great job. But I think sometimes we, as communing adults, take it too far. We allow the presence of a paid youth worker to relieve us of the privilege of coming along side younger believers and investing in their lives.
Maybe I'm just expressing my own experiences. Maybe God has just been particularly gracious to my church planting children. Maybe we can have it both ways, I don't know. What I do know is that my children are growing and flourishing and really happy. Happier than I've ever seen them. They're not more comfortable. In fact, they feel more pain in the form of compassion and sorrow. They are, however, content and more aware of their place in a whole, as opposed to seeking their own pleasure.
Teaching our youth to have a kingdom mindset and heart for the lost requires them to know their place in the Kingdom. It requires them to know the rest of the body. What good is it to teach them how to resist peer pressure if they're not given a greater affection? What benefit is it to teach them how to relate to others if they're never around people who are different than themselves (in age, experience and struggle)? My children are part of the Body of Christ. They needed to know that. They need their covenant aunts, uncles, grandparents, and yes, peers. They need time together with people their own age, but they also need all of us.
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
Calm the Heck Down!
School is almost over for the year and I find myself evaluating and assessing. I've posted two posts today on the homeschool blog. In thinking back over my adult life, I realized I'm a lot more settled and patient about things than I used to be. I remember when the thoughts of a schedule made me feel hopeless.
I don't know why I was in such a hurry. I couldn't be bothered to let the kids agonize over a project; I wanted to take over and help them. Meaning, I would do it for them. Why?!? I look back now and wonder at myself. Why couldn't I let them spend an hour writing out a letter? What was the big deal? It offended my sense of efficiency, I think. I'm all about doing things in the least amount of time with the least amount of effort. I still am, I suppose. Now, I realize that there's just NO rush. So the task takes me extra time, big deal. I'm not headed off to something better.
When I was younger, I was all about things having meaning and significance. Maggie stacking all her blocks just so before bedtime interfered. That was meaningless. Purposeless. Without point. She should be rushing through that and getting on with things. I yelled at my kids when they were little because they took way to long to get things done. They walked when they should run. They stopped to organize bugs when we were LATE! Hurry up! My children didn't conform.
I see myself still doing those things, but I am much more mindful of them now. I've learned to let go of the things that really, really don't matter. If they want to spend three hours cleaning a room that should only take ten minutes, why get mad about it? If I give them a time frame (you have to be done with showers by 8:30) and they don't follow the time frame, they just don't get to do it. I don't have to take it as a personal attack; they just aren't allowed to shower. If they want to sleep late, they won't make me late, they'll just have to get in the van without breakfast.
One big thing I've noticed about myself also, I manage my time much better than I used to. I remember thinking it shouldn't take me that long to get FOUR kids out the door and into the van. Really?!? What was I thinking? It takes twice as long. ... but that's inefficient, my idol cried! Whatever. Give up. Quit fighting it. It takes twice as long. And laundry is twice (or four to the fifth power) as much. And sleep is interrupted. And dinner happens every. single. night.
Why did I rage against reality? Why did my life, the life I had chosen, offend me so much? Why was I so selfish? I wish I could have known then what I know now: the life God gave me has significance, eternal significance. The green beans, dirty toilets, graded papers, power bills, and vacations have eternal significance and meaning. They do because God says they do. My life, my small little life, has eternal meaning. That makes me smile and take a breath.
I don't know why I was in such a hurry. I couldn't be bothered to let the kids agonize over a project; I wanted to take over and help them. Meaning, I would do it for them. Why?!? I look back now and wonder at myself. Why couldn't I let them spend an hour writing out a letter? What was the big deal? It offended my sense of efficiency, I think. I'm all about doing things in the least amount of time with the least amount of effort. I still am, I suppose. Now, I realize that there's just NO rush. So the task takes me extra time, big deal. I'm not headed off to something better.
When I was younger, I was all about things having meaning and significance. Maggie stacking all her blocks just so before bedtime interfered. That was meaningless. Purposeless. Without point. She should be rushing through that and getting on with things. I yelled at my kids when they were little because they took way to long to get things done. They walked when they should run. They stopped to organize bugs when we were LATE! Hurry up! My children didn't conform.
I see myself still doing those things, but I am much more mindful of them now. I've learned to let go of the things that really, really don't matter. If they want to spend three hours cleaning a room that should only take ten minutes, why get mad about it? If I give them a time frame (you have to be done with showers by 8:30) and they don't follow the time frame, they just don't get to do it. I don't have to take it as a personal attack; they just aren't allowed to shower. If they want to sleep late, they won't make me late, they'll just have to get in the van without breakfast.
One big thing I've noticed about myself also, I manage my time much better than I used to. I remember thinking it shouldn't take me that long to get FOUR kids out the door and into the van. Really?!? What was I thinking? It takes twice as long. ... but that's inefficient, my idol cried! Whatever. Give up. Quit fighting it. It takes twice as long. And laundry is twice (or four to the fifth power) as much. And sleep is interrupted. And dinner happens every. single. night.
Why did I rage against reality? Why did my life, the life I had chosen, offend me so much? Why was I so selfish? I wish I could have known then what I know now: the life God gave me has significance, eternal significance. The green beans, dirty toilets, graded papers, power bills, and vacations have eternal significance and meaning. They do because God says they do. My life, my small little life, has eternal meaning. That makes me smile and take a breath.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
The Dish Ran Away With The Spoon
Oh, the lengths my children will go to in order to not wash a dish.
They will:
A.) Go hungry.
B.) Eat soup/ice cream with a fork
C.) Use a serving utensil that will not fit into their mouths
D.)Plead and give me puppy eyes, wanting me to wash something for them
E.) Eat something they don't like, instead of what they do like
When I say, "Wash the dish/spoon/fork!" They usually just respond with "nevermind" or "this is fine, really" or *heavy sigh*.
Good grief. They know how to do the dishes; it's part of their chores. Lazy, lazy, lazy children.
They will:
A.) Go hungry.
B.) Eat soup/ice cream with a fork
C.) Use a serving utensil that will not fit into their mouths
D.)Plead and give me puppy eyes, wanting me to wash something for them
E.) Eat something they don't like, instead of what they do like
When I say, "Wash the dish/spoon/fork!" They usually just respond with "nevermind" or "this is fine, really" or *heavy sigh*.
Good grief. They know how to do the dishes; it's part of their chores. Lazy, lazy, lazy children.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Random Thoughts for April
Random thoughts of the day:
1. I abhor cold sores. Pure, unadulterated hatred. My face hurts! My teeth hurt! My head hurts. I have a low grade fever and want to crawl into bed. Blech.
2. I like cooking with Gracie. I like just being around Gracie. She's cool.
3. Our little church is such a blessing to me. Home really is where the Gospel is.
4. Socks are stupid. Folding socks is even stupid-er. Maybe even the stupidest thing ever.
5. My tears are inextricably entwined with my husband's tears. When he weeps, I weep. When his heart breaks, my heart breaks. Oh, how I love that man.
6. I don't like this whole "sorry mom, I have a job and friends and I'm gone all the time now 'cause I'm almost grown up" thing that Maggie has going on. I miss her.
7. Bright blue nail polish on my fingernails distracts me when I'm talking with my hands. I have to remove it.
8. In 3 days, I will turn 40. That's all I have to say about that, at this time. *hmmph*
1. I abhor cold sores. Pure, unadulterated hatred. My face hurts! My teeth hurt! My head hurts. I have a low grade fever and want to crawl into bed. Blech.
2. I like cooking with Gracie. I like just being around Gracie. She's cool.
3. Our little church is such a blessing to me. Home really is where the Gospel is.
4. Socks are stupid. Folding socks is even stupid-er. Maybe even the stupidest thing ever.
5. My tears are inextricably entwined with my husband's tears. When he weeps, I weep. When his heart breaks, my heart breaks. Oh, how I love that man.
6. I don't like this whole "sorry mom, I have a job and friends and I'm gone all the time now 'cause I'm almost grown up" thing that Maggie has going on. I miss her.
7. Bright blue nail polish on my fingernails distracts me when I'm talking with my hands. I have to remove it.
8. In 3 days, I will turn 40. That's all I have to say about that, at this time. *hmmph*
Monday, April 22, 2013
Beauty and Sorrow
How can one life contain so much joy and pain simultaneously?
I published my first book to Kindle this weekend. Imagine! Put it out there for anyone to see. Something that is specifically mine, from my one imagination and thoughts, available for purchase. My mother would be bursting with excitement and pride. My heart is happy with unexpected contentment.
My mom-in-law called this afternoon. The biopsy results for my dad-in-law came back today. His tumors are malignant. He has multiple tumors on his pancreas and liver. His life expectancy is so short. One day, in the near future, this wonderful, amazing, stubborn man will be gone from us. I can literally feel my heart breaking.
How can these two feelings be co-existing within me? How can I bear up under them?
I think about my writing and I feel a sense of belonging and purpose. I feel joy and excitement.
I think about my father-in-law and I also feel a sense of belonging. He has always loved me like his own child and I, in turn, love him right back. He doesn't hold back. If he's mad, he yells. If he's happy, he claps and laughs. If he's amazed, his eyebrows are high and his smile is huge. If he disagrees, he argues, usually now in the form of buzzing his servox in your face until you give up.
He is the very heartbeat of the Sharp family. He may not participate in all the activites like he used to do, but he is there, behind it all, thumping steadily along. He has a steadiness, a faithfulness to him. He kisses me on the cheek everytime I see him. He is just the loveliest man. Every day, my husband (his oldest son) becomes a little more like him: stubborn, persistant, strong, wise. I could definitely do worse.
Happiness and sadness are together in my heart. I am grateful and terrified. Eager for more and scared of what I will lose. I want to live in the moment and never look back.
I published my first book to Kindle this weekend. Imagine! Put it out there for anyone to see. Something that is specifically mine, from my one imagination and thoughts, available for purchase. My mother would be bursting with excitement and pride. My heart is happy with unexpected contentment.
My mom-in-law called this afternoon. The biopsy results for my dad-in-law came back today. His tumors are malignant. He has multiple tumors on his pancreas and liver. His life expectancy is so short. One day, in the near future, this wonderful, amazing, stubborn man will be gone from us. I can literally feel my heart breaking.
How can these two feelings be co-existing within me? How can I bear up under them?
I think about my writing and I feel a sense of belonging and purpose. I feel joy and excitement.
I think about my father-in-law and I also feel a sense of belonging. He has always loved me like his own child and I, in turn, love him right back. He doesn't hold back. If he's mad, he yells. If he's happy, he claps and laughs. If he's amazed, his eyebrows are high and his smile is huge. If he disagrees, he argues, usually now in the form of buzzing his servox in your face until you give up.
He is the very heartbeat of the Sharp family. He may not participate in all the activites like he used to do, but he is there, behind it all, thumping steadily along. He has a steadiness, a faithfulness to him. He kisses me on the cheek everytime I see him. He is just the loveliest man. Every day, my husband (his oldest son) becomes a little more like him: stubborn, persistant, strong, wise. I could definitely do worse.
Happiness and sadness are together in my heart. I am grateful and terrified. Eager for more and scared of what I will lose. I want to live in the moment and never look back.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
November 1995
November 1995, one year almost to the day after my first pregnancy ended in a heartbreaking miscarraige, I tried to get comfortable on the hard table at the doctor's office. My bladder was filled to capacity; my back was aching a little bit and my heart was full of anxiety. The untrasound tech smiled when she re-entered the room.
"Ready?" she asked happily.
I took Chris's hand and nodded. "I think so."
I lay in the dark and made small talk, chatter really, to cover my nerves as she moved the goo around on my belly with the wand. Finally, she turned the monitor around and used the cursor to point to a fluttering movement on the screen.
"That's the baby's heart," she said.
"The kidney's look good," she said.
"The head circumferance is just right," she said.
"That little string of pearls is the spine," she said.
"Do you want to know the sex?" she said
We affirmed we did want to know.
"See that little equal sign there? That means it's a girl!" she said.
I watched in wonder and laughter as my little tiny daughter used my full bladder for a trampoline. It took a minute for the terror to set in.
A girl. A daughter. A baby daughter who would turn into a teenaged daughter. She was going to hate me one day.
For the next two days I agonized. I rubbed my distended belly and talked to my still unnamed daughter, begging her not to hate me.
I remember staring at my hand-sewn striped curtains next to my bed and praying. Then the Holy Spirit prompted a thought. Enjoy her. Enjoy her today, right now. And tomorrow, just enjoy her. Every day, enjoy her. Then by the time she's a teenager, you'll be so used to enjoying her, it will be second nature.
I really, truly tried to do that. Every single day of Maggie's life, the good and the bad; the easy and the terrifying... I have enjoyed her.
And she doesn't hate me.
And I don't hate her.
We are friends and she listens and respects me and I try to take that seriously and never be flippant with her feelings.
Today she is seventeen. Seventeen! I get to keep her for one more year, then she will follow the Spirit into her own grown up life. She is a constant joy, an amazing life and a beautiful soul. Her enthusiasm shines from her in waves and her heart.... oh, her heart. Her heart is turned toward the Father and toward the lost. God has grown her into such a beautiful, sensitive, articulate young woman.
I am so thankful. So very, very, very thankful.
I love you, my little pearl princess.
"Ready?" she asked happily.
I took Chris's hand and nodded. "I think so."
I lay in the dark and made small talk, chatter really, to cover my nerves as she moved the goo around on my belly with the wand. Finally, she turned the monitor around and used the cursor to point to a fluttering movement on the screen.
"That's the baby's heart," she said.
"The kidney's look good," she said.
"The head circumferance is just right," she said.
"That little string of pearls is the spine," she said.
"Do you want to know the sex?" she said
We affirmed we did want to know.
"See that little equal sign there? That means it's a girl!" she said.
I watched in wonder and laughter as my little tiny daughter used my full bladder for a trampoline. It took a minute for the terror to set in.
A girl. A daughter. A baby daughter who would turn into a teenaged daughter. She was going to hate me one day.
For the next two days I agonized. I rubbed my distended belly and talked to my still unnamed daughter, begging her not to hate me.
I remember staring at my hand-sewn striped curtains next to my bed and praying. Then the Holy Spirit prompted a thought. Enjoy her. Enjoy her today, right now. And tomorrow, just enjoy her. Every day, enjoy her. Then by the time she's a teenager, you'll be so used to enjoying her, it will be second nature.
I really, truly tried to do that. Every single day of Maggie's life, the good and the bad; the easy and the terrifying... I have enjoyed her.
And she doesn't hate me.
And I don't hate her.
We are friends and she listens and respects me and I try to take that seriously and never be flippant with her feelings.
Today she is seventeen. Seventeen! I get to keep her for one more year, then she will follow the Spirit into her own grown up life. She is a constant joy, an amazing life and a beautiful soul. Her enthusiasm shines from her in waves and her heart.... oh, her heart. Her heart is turned toward the Father and toward the lost. God has grown her into such a beautiful, sensitive, articulate young woman.
I am so thankful. So very, very, very thankful.
I love you, my little pearl princess.
Friday, March 29, 2013
My Failure of Words on Easter
Wow. Two months. It's been two months since I last blogged. So much for good intentions.
...
Today is Good Friday. I must confess, I didn't give it too much thought. It was a Friday; that means co-op, tidying up, cooking dinner and having people over. It wasn't until my friends went home and all the toys were put away and the house was quiet that I reflected.
On Facebook many of my friends posted pictures of crosses and Bible verses and various religious symbols. I don't have a problem at all with that. I really don't. But when I try to do that, try to express in plain words what Easter is about or how it makes me feel, I shy away.
Some things are just too big, too deep, too... something to put into words. I am reminded of Mary's response to becoming the mother of Jesus, "But Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart." I think about incarnation, righteousness, perfection, torture, pain, loneliness and death and think, how can I possibly express that? How can I possibly verbalize how I feel about that?
To try and express myself right now would sound trite, overstated and cliched. "Jesus is Lord." - sounds like a bumper sticker. "He is risen!" - church sign. Maybe I am just too cynical. Maybe I over-think things. Why can I not join in with the pictures and the simple words that really are true?
My feelings are just too deep. Like the first time my husband saw me without clothes on. Like the first moment I held my first child in my arms. These are things I have never even wanted to describe to another person. These single events that affected me so profoundly that I am forever changed. I will never think, feel or be the same person again.
My sin makes me sob in the night. My heart breaks with it. I strangle with it and it claws at me, seeking to rip me apart. I fight it and feel that I will never be free of it. This sin that attempts to dominate my existance is... gone... Forgiven. Erased and thrown into the depths of the sea. Cast as far away as the east is from the west. Remembered no more... paid for. Atoned.
I am afraid of being flippant with the blood of my Savior. I am afraid of saying the words without counting the cost, without meaning them. I was raised in the church, my first Sunday was when I was 3 days old. I can name the books of the Bible, heck, I can read the Bible without thinking about it. I can pray in a group while planning my weekly menu. I can tell you where Elijah ran off to after defeating the prophets of Baal (Mount Horeb). I can tell you how David escaped capture from his enemies (drooled on himself and pretended to be crazy). I can tell you about double imputation and propitiation. I can teach you how to repent.
But telling you how I feel about Christ's death on the cross is too intimate. Too personal. Too tragic and wonderful and undeserved and all the adjectives that only the angels know how to pronounce. Maybe when I get to heaven, my new tongue and new body can articulate and sing my feelings. I can join the angels and sing, "Holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come."
All I know is that God is real and He is good. 'His love is endures forever.' He is the Lord. 'The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.'
'Christ is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.'
Ah-men.
Scriptures referenced in this post are:
Luke 2:19
Micah 7:19
Psalms 103:12
Isaiah 43:25
Revelations 4:8
Exodus 34:6-7
Hebrews 1:3
The phrase "His love endures forever" is repeated in Scripture at least 43 times by my count.
...
Today is Good Friday. I must confess, I didn't give it too much thought. It was a Friday; that means co-op, tidying up, cooking dinner and having people over. It wasn't until my friends went home and all the toys were put away and the house was quiet that I reflected.
On Facebook many of my friends posted pictures of crosses and Bible verses and various religious symbols. I don't have a problem at all with that. I really don't. But when I try to do that, try to express in plain words what Easter is about or how it makes me feel, I shy away.
Some things are just too big, too deep, too... something to put into words. I am reminded of Mary's response to becoming the mother of Jesus, "But Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart." I think about incarnation, righteousness, perfection, torture, pain, loneliness and death and think, how can I possibly express that? How can I possibly verbalize how I feel about that?
To try and express myself right now would sound trite, overstated and cliched. "Jesus is Lord." - sounds like a bumper sticker. "He is risen!" - church sign. Maybe I am just too cynical. Maybe I over-think things. Why can I not join in with the pictures and the simple words that really are true?
My feelings are just too deep. Like the first time my husband saw me without clothes on. Like the first moment I held my first child in my arms. These are things I have never even wanted to describe to another person. These single events that affected me so profoundly that I am forever changed. I will never think, feel or be the same person again.
My sin makes me sob in the night. My heart breaks with it. I strangle with it and it claws at me, seeking to rip me apart. I fight it and feel that I will never be free of it. This sin that attempts to dominate my existance is... gone... Forgiven. Erased and thrown into the depths of the sea. Cast as far away as the east is from the west. Remembered no more... paid for. Atoned.
I am afraid of being flippant with the blood of my Savior. I am afraid of saying the words without counting the cost, without meaning them. I was raised in the church, my first Sunday was when I was 3 days old. I can name the books of the Bible, heck, I can read the Bible without thinking about it. I can pray in a group while planning my weekly menu. I can tell you where Elijah ran off to after defeating the prophets of Baal (Mount Horeb). I can tell you how David escaped capture from his enemies (drooled on himself and pretended to be crazy). I can tell you about double imputation and propitiation. I can teach you how to repent.
But telling you how I feel about Christ's death on the cross is too intimate. Too personal. Too tragic and wonderful and undeserved and all the adjectives that only the angels know how to pronounce. Maybe when I get to heaven, my new tongue and new body can articulate and sing my feelings. I can join the angels and sing, "Holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come."
All I know is that God is real and He is good. 'His love is endures forever.' He is the Lord. 'The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.'
'Christ is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.'
Ah-men.
Scriptures referenced in this post are:
Luke 2:19
Micah 7:19
Psalms 103:12
Isaiah 43:25
Revelations 4:8
Exodus 34:6-7
Hebrews 1:3
The phrase "His love endures forever" is repeated in Scripture at least 43 times by my count.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Gus Was A Friendly Ghost
When Maggie and Ty were in 2nd grade and not too keen on reading out loud, we recorded an audiobook. Not just any plain old audiobook, bit one complete with sound effects. Gus Was A Friendly Ghost was their favorite at the time. Ty was the voice of Mouse. Maggie was the voice of Gus. I was the Narrator.
*subject change
Last week I had the flu. I am a great big baby. You may not know that, but it's true. I'm a lot whiner than I like to think I am. On Thursday my wonderful sister came and got my two youngest. Then later that night, Maggie and Ty left for the Youth Ski Trip. Chris was working. I was alone. I slept a lot. I watched a lot of movies... Stranger Than Fiction, Pride and Prejudice, My Fair Lady, Singin' in the Rain, The Artist, Sherlock (the BBC tv show). Then I slept some more.
As I started feeling better, I noticed that the things I had cleaned were ... staying clean. The food level in the pantry was no longer magically disappearing. The toilet paper roll stayed full. It was quiet. Like really, really quiet.
Chris and I talked about it. Talked about how strange it will be when the kids are gone from home. There were some definite perks. Money, tidiness, etc. But then we stood quietly and let it sink in. Then we cried a little and were very grateful that it's not time to turn them into the world just yet.
*subject shift
Tonight, all my kids were home again. We sat around the table after eating our spaghetti and talked for hours. Maggie and Ty told stories from their trip. Gracie told stories about Kim and Nana. The youngers eventually drifted off to their rooms and devices. Maggie and Ty, Chris and I sat and spoke of faith, leadership, servant's hearts, Springville church. Ty said, with tears in his eyes, that he really loves Springville church. (a balm and blessing to this mother's heart) Maggie talked about sharing the gospel with a couple of girls and asked advice.
After dinner, Ty helped me clean the kitchen and then we got talking about books. The book we're reading now for school (Heart of Darkness) and what we should read next (The Old Man and the Sea?)We talked about books that we've studied/read over the years. His favorites were Danny and the Dinosaur, Ferdinand, and ... Gus Was A Friendly Ghost.
I pulled out the old cassette tape and tape player while Ty grabbed the book. Before we were three pages in, the whole family was standing at the kitchen counter, listening and laughing. It was precious and wonderful and one of those rare, beautiful, perfect moments.
They asked me to read them a bedtime story (Sylvester and the Magic Pebble). Now they are all tucked into their beds. And they are happy.
I am grateful. Grateful for the today we've had, but also so thankful for the precious time that I spent with them as little ones. The hardship, tears, trials, exhaustion, selfishness and fears have faded away into a haze and on nights like tonight, all I know is that it was all worth it.
So very worth it...
*subject change
Last week I had the flu. I am a great big baby. You may not know that, but it's true. I'm a lot whiner than I like to think I am. On Thursday my wonderful sister came and got my two youngest. Then later that night, Maggie and Ty left for the Youth Ski Trip. Chris was working. I was alone. I slept a lot. I watched a lot of movies... Stranger Than Fiction, Pride and Prejudice, My Fair Lady, Singin' in the Rain, The Artist, Sherlock (the BBC tv show). Then I slept some more.
As I started feeling better, I noticed that the things I had cleaned were ... staying clean. The food level in the pantry was no longer magically disappearing. The toilet paper roll stayed full. It was quiet. Like really, really quiet.
Chris and I talked about it. Talked about how strange it will be when the kids are gone from home. There were some definite perks. Money, tidiness, etc. But then we stood quietly and let it sink in. Then we cried a little and were very grateful that it's not time to turn them into the world just yet.
*subject shift
Tonight, all my kids were home again. We sat around the table after eating our spaghetti and talked for hours. Maggie and Ty told stories from their trip. Gracie told stories about Kim and Nana. The youngers eventually drifted off to their rooms and devices. Maggie and Ty, Chris and I sat and spoke of faith, leadership, servant's hearts, Springville church. Ty said, with tears in his eyes, that he really loves Springville church. (a balm and blessing to this mother's heart) Maggie talked about sharing the gospel with a couple of girls and asked advice.
After dinner, Ty helped me clean the kitchen and then we got talking about books. The book we're reading now for school (Heart of Darkness) and what we should read next (The Old Man and the Sea?)We talked about books that we've studied/read over the years. His favorites were Danny and the Dinosaur, Ferdinand, and ... Gus Was A Friendly Ghost.
I pulled out the old cassette tape and tape player while Ty grabbed the book. Before we were three pages in, the whole family was standing at the kitchen counter, listening and laughing. It was precious and wonderful and one of those rare, beautiful, perfect moments.
They asked me to read them a bedtime story (Sylvester and the Magic Pebble). Now they are all tucked into their beds. And they are happy.
I am grateful. Grateful for the today we've had, but also so thankful for the precious time that I spent with them as little ones. The hardship, tears, trials, exhaustion, selfishness and fears have faded away into a haze and on nights like tonight, all I know is that it was all worth it.
So very worth it...
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
New Year's Day 2013
Why yes, I do know every single word of Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega. I'm glad you asked and are now impressed.
Today is apparently flashback day on my Pandora station, currently playing Tracy Chapman's Talkin' About A Revolution. (I know the words to that one too.)
It's an easy day at the Sharp house today. I finally figured out how to get all the sermons I've recorded with my phone onto the website. It's a 12 step process. It's not so bad now that I've finally figured it out.
Here comes Air of December by Edie Brickell. Score!
Brody has been discontent today. He wanted more structure that I was willing to give him. He's since informed me that he's ready for school to start back. Gracie and Ty have turned into vegetables. Vegetables with Netflix and headphones, that is. Maggie and her friend Victory have watched movies and talked and are now at Waffle House drinking coffee. I'm telling you, Waffle House is the place to be in Springville.
Chris is sleeping. He had such a wonderful off week. I hated for him that he had to go back. I know he's not happy at work. He still likes his boss and his co-workers, but the Obama Care is making him die slowly inside. I'm praying for... I don't know. That's one of those groaning prayers. God is good and He loves my husband.
I've seen a lot of stuff on the internet today about "Finally getting organized." Let me tell you something I've learned. Either you're organized by nature or you're not. If you come by it naturally, good for you! If you don't, settle in... it's going to be a lifelong struggle. It will get easier, but there will always be pockets of chaos that slip right through your fingers. And that's okay. It's just the way of it. Don't beat yourself up about it. That's all I have to say about that.
The picture to the left is one that Brody just drew of a suit of armor for fighting. The two things on the shoulders are guns, mini-guns. "they are seven-barrelled guns, that shoot 25 rounds per minute." The mask is gold, red and gray. "The center of the chest is like Iron Man's thing. It's basically 50 rounds per minute, the guns are."
So there you have it...
I really want to brush my teeth but my toothbrush is in my bathroom and Chris is sleeping. Yuck.
I have been in my pajamas all day long. It's been lovely. I need a shower though. Good thing I didn't win the Publisher's Sweepstakes today. That would have been really embarrassing!
Today is apparently flashback day on my Pandora station, currently playing Tracy Chapman's Talkin' About A Revolution. (I know the words to that one too.)
It's an easy day at the Sharp house today. I finally figured out how to get all the sermons I've recorded with my phone onto the website. It's a 12 step process. It's not so bad now that I've finally figured it out.
Here comes Air of December by Edie Brickell. Score!
Brody has been discontent today. He wanted more structure that I was willing to give him. He's since informed me that he's ready for school to start back. Gracie and Ty have turned into vegetables. Vegetables with Netflix and headphones, that is. Maggie and her friend Victory have watched movies and talked and are now at Waffle House drinking coffee. I'm telling you, Waffle House is the place to be in Springville.
Chris is sleeping. He had such a wonderful off week. I hated for him that he had to go back. I know he's not happy at work. He still likes his boss and his co-workers, but the Obama Care is making him die slowly inside. I'm praying for... I don't know. That's one of those groaning prayers. God is good and He loves my husband.
I've seen a lot of stuff on the internet today about "Finally getting organized." Let me tell you something I've learned. Either you're organized by nature or you're not. If you come by it naturally, good for you! If you don't, settle in... it's going to be a lifelong struggle. It will get easier, but there will always be pockets of chaos that slip right through your fingers. And that's okay. It's just the way of it. Don't beat yourself up about it. That's all I have to say about that.
So there you have it...
I really want to brush my teeth but my toothbrush is in my bathroom and Chris is sleeping. Yuck.
I have been in my pajamas all day long. It's been lovely. I need a shower though. Good thing I didn't win the Publisher's Sweepstakes today. That would have been really embarrassing!
Enough rambling. I'm done now.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
On the Subject of Bathrooms and Children
Very short post today. I just was thinking of bathrooms and the small things I've learned about them from raising my kids.
1. Three words: Toilet Paper Stand. The toilet paper dispensers that attach to the wall closely resemble rock climbing toe holds. You can see the problem.
2. Towel hooks, not rods. I lovingly refer to them as chin-up bars. Self-explanatory.
3. Buy a shower curtain that is easily washable. Mine is actually a flat sheet. Boys use it as a hand towel after "washing" their hands; girls use it to finish removing eye makeup. Annoying.
4. Never stack extra rolls of toilet paper anywhere near the toilet. Especially if you have boys. Ew.
5. Get over your aversion to hair clogs. Oh, and random, unexplained holes in the wall.
6. Teach your children to use a plunger at an early age. Period.
7. Paint every few years. It's the only way to make it actually FEEL clean again.
8. Buy a large painting. It gives visitors something else to look at besides the random socks, toothpaste sprinkles and hairballs.
9. The number of towels and washcloths you need will exponentially increase as your daughters' age. They tend to need one for their hair and one for their bodies and one to stand on and then "accidentally" take them into their rooms and "forget" to put them in the hamper - until there are no towels left for everyone else. At all. Not even beach towels.
10. MAKE THEM CLEAN IT EVERY DAY! Then once a week, you can follow them and actually clean it. And even then it will skirt the chasm of disgusting most of the time.
You're welcome.
1. Three words: Toilet Paper Stand. The toilet paper dispensers that attach to the wall closely resemble rock climbing toe holds. You can see the problem.
2. Towel hooks, not rods. I lovingly refer to them as chin-up bars. Self-explanatory.
3. Buy a shower curtain that is easily washable. Mine is actually a flat sheet. Boys use it as a hand towel after "washing" their hands; girls use it to finish removing eye makeup. Annoying.
4. Never stack extra rolls of toilet paper anywhere near the toilet. Especially if you have boys. Ew.
5. Get over your aversion to hair clogs. Oh, and random, unexplained holes in the wall.
6. Teach your children to use a plunger at an early age. Period.
7. Paint every few years. It's the only way to make it actually FEEL clean again.
8. Buy a large painting. It gives visitors something else to look at besides the random socks, toothpaste sprinkles and hairballs.
9. The number of towels and washcloths you need will exponentially increase as your daughters' age. They tend to need one for their hair and one for their bodies and one to stand on and then "accidentally" take them into their rooms and "forget" to put them in the hamper - until there are no towels left for everyone else. At all. Not even beach towels.
10. MAKE THEM CLEAN IT EVERY DAY! Then once a week, you can follow them and actually clean it. And even then it will skirt the chasm of disgusting most of the time.
You're welcome.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The Hobbit
It does not bode well that I'm sleepy right now. Does not bode well.
I'm taking the three olders to the midnight show of The Hobbit. Tonight. In like four hours. Did I mention that we have co-op tomorrow? Or that I also have to buy groceries? What the what?
But you should see my kiddos. They're so excited. And truth be told, the kid in me is excited too. The thrill of being one of the first to see something. Being out late, lining up with hundreds of like-minded people- it's just so FUN!
So here I go, off to attempt a nap before the time to leave. Wish me luck!
I'm taking the three olders to the midnight show of The Hobbit. Tonight. In like four hours. Did I mention that we have co-op tomorrow? Or that I also have to buy groceries? What the what?
But you should see my kiddos. They're so excited. And truth be told, the kid in me is excited too. The thrill of being one of the first to see something. Being out late, lining up with hundreds of like-minded people- it's just so FUN!
So here I go, off to attempt a nap before the time to leave. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Making Sense of This Jumble I Call a Brain
My mind is rushing back and forth with so many thoughts. I'm having definite trouble corralling them into submission. As is my custom, I will write them out to try to find some sense of order.
1. Christmas. hmmm. Christmas. That means gifts. 4 children, older children, expensive children. But the great thing about my kids is that they don't ask for much. They're pretty content. In a way, that makes it harder. If they really only want one thing, but that thing is $200... well, you see my dilemma.
which leads directly to the next item...
2. Money. Ugh. I hate money. If I have too much, I get all cozy with it and want to spend it. If I have too little, I struggle with sleep and my idols of comfort. Plus, my hubs is pretty miserable at his job, Obamacare and all, and I would love to get our budget to where we don't live off of as much to give him some breathing room were he to want to look for something else. I'm trying to spend less.
Spending less is almost always possible with enough planning. As Will Ferrell said in his impersonation of George W, it's all about the strategery. Deliberate, strategic planning. Saves money but it tends to wear me out.
I'm worn out.
3. School. I really should be writing a history lesson right now. My mind is all over the place, not in Antarctica like it needs to be.
4. My oldest child's future. I know. I know. God is in control of her future. I know His will cannot be thwarted. And at the same time, I am responsible to guide, teach and push her. So many doubts. And SATs. I'm silent screaming right now. No need to freak out the 16 year old.
5. Why can I not keep my kitchen clean right now? Seriously! For two weeks now, my kitchen has not been completely clean. It's ridiculous. I just can't keep up. I feel it taunting me right this minute... "There's sauce on our counters. Our sink needs to be bleached. When is the last time you scrubbed our stovetop?" I hear you, you stupid kitchen!!! Keep your pots on!
6. My dining room is once again full. Not of football stuff or wedding stuff, but church decor stuff. I really, really, really want to decorate the church but I can't do it by myself. I'm too unsure of myself. I need the safety of a "committee". I want to see the finished product AND I want my dining room back.
7. Why is Brody still coughing? He needs to stop that and get well already.
8. I checked airline tickets to Manchester today. That's how badly I want to watch Breaking Dawn with my friend Ginger. Alas, the tickets are $800. Is too much! (imagine an Italian accent on that last bit.) But I can dream, right?
9. Speaking of Breaking Dawn. Wow. The other previous movies were adequate. This one is a good movie actually. Twisty ending, happy ending, me likee.
10. I need to make a checklist. Several, really. To Do lists for: Thanksgiving, Christmas gifts, School Short Term, School Long Term, Church Decorating, House Decorating for Christmas, etc.
11. Repentance. Faith. Then some more repentance. With a side of self-awareness and a pinch of repentance.
I'm sleepy.
1. Christmas. hmmm. Christmas. That means gifts. 4 children, older children, expensive children. But the great thing about my kids is that they don't ask for much. They're pretty content. In a way, that makes it harder. If they really only want one thing, but that thing is $200... well, you see my dilemma.
which leads directly to the next item...
2. Money. Ugh. I hate money. If I have too much, I get all cozy with it and want to spend it. If I have too little, I struggle with sleep and my idols of comfort. Plus, my hubs is pretty miserable at his job, Obamacare and all, and I would love to get our budget to where we don't live off of as much to give him some breathing room were he to want to look for something else. I'm trying to spend less.
Spending less is almost always possible with enough planning. As Will Ferrell said in his impersonation of George W, it's all about the strategery. Deliberate, strategic planning. Saves money but it tends to wear me out.
I'm worn out.
3. School. I really should be writing a history lesson right now. My mind is all over the place, not in Antarctica like it needs to be.
4. My oldest child's future. I know. I know. God is in control of her future. I know His will cannot be thwarted. And at the same time, I am responsible to guide, teach and push her. So many doubts. And SATs. I'm silent screaming right now. No need to freak out the 16 year old.
5. Why can I not keep my kitchen clean right now? Seriously! For two weeks now, my kitchen has not been completely clean. It's ridiculous. I just can't keep up. I feel it taunting me right this minute... "There's sauce on our counters. Our sink needs to be bleached. When is the last time you scrubbed our stovetop?" I hear you, you stupid kitchen!!! Keep your pots on!
6. My dining room is once again full. Not of football stuff or wedding stuff, but church decor stuff. I really, really, really want to decorate the church but I can't do it by myself. I'm too unsure of myself. I need the safety of a "committee". I want to see the finished product AND I want my dining room back.
7. Why is Brody still coughing? He needs to stop that and get well already.
8. I checked airline tickets to Manchester today. That's how badly I want to watch Breaking Dawn with my friend Ginger. Alas, the tickets are $800. Is too much! (imagine an Italian accent on that last bit.) But I can dream, right?
9. Speaking of Breaking Dawn. Wow. The other previous movies were adequate. This one is a good movie actually. Twisty ending, happy ending, me likee.
10. I need to make a checklist. Several, really. To Do lists for: Thanksgiving, Christmas gifts, School Short Term, School Long Term, Church Decorating, House Decorating for Christmas, etc.
11. Repentance. Faith. Then some more repentance. With a side of self-awareness and a pinch of repentance.
I'm sleepy.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Pre-Vacation Week
The week before a vacation is always so busy. I know it's my fault. I try to cram as much into that week as possible. This week is no exception.
My plan for the week was:
Monday - Senior High English Co-op, school, ballet for Grace, Faculty meeting at 7, football meeting at 8.
Tuesday- field trip to the zoo
Wednesday - Go to Atlanta to spend one last day with my sis-in-law before she moves to San Francisco
Thursday - pack, pizza party for the youth
Friday - co-op, home to clean and finish packing
Saturday - finish everything up in an unhurried fashion.
What actually happened:
Monday - as planned
Tuesday - zoo field trip, but on the way home the olders remembered they needed Halloween costumes so we stopped off at the Thrift Store for a couple of hours. Then a trip to Sam's to return some stuff. Then Amber called to tell me her brother I've not seen in years is at her house and do I want to stop by? Absolutely!
Wednesday - stomach virus. No Meghan. I cry.
Thursday - finish all the kids' co-op for Friday. Shove pencil under my toenail, by accident I assure you. Hand off all the football bins to Coe. Pizza party.
Friday - Co-op, meet Coe at Sam's to give her gift card I should have given her yesterday. Take Mags and Brody to pediatrician for sickness. Go to pharmacy. Drop girls at the Hansen's. Get home an hour after people get to my house. Make lists with the help of dearest Tilly.
Notice that ZERO packing got done. No house work either. Van is also disgusting.
Plan for Saturday (today) -
Clean house. Kids are working industriously.
Pack. Ehh. Some is done. Still need suitcases out of the attic.
Finish school assignments to post, print directions. Internet is messed up. Call company and they fix it.
Purge van. Need to invent vehicle enemas.
Bright spots? Pandora radio. G coming for supper! Vacation starts tomorrow. Yay!
My plan for the week was:
Monday - Senior High English Co-op, school, ballet for Grace, Faculty meeting at 7, football meeting at 8.
Tuesday- field trip to the zoo
Wednesday - Go to Atlanta to spend one last day with my sis-in-law before she moves to San Francisco
Thursday - pack, pizza party for the youth
Friday - co-op, home to clean and finish packing
Saturday - finish everything up in an unhurried fashion.
What actually happened:
Monday - as planned
Tuesday - zoo field trip, but on the way home the olders remembered they needed Halloween costumes so we stopped off at the Thrift Store for a couple of hours. Then a trip to Sam's to return some stuff. Then Amber called to tell me her brother I've not seen in years is at her house and do I want to stop by? Absolutely!
Wednesday - stomach virus. No Meghan. I cry.
Thursday - finish all the kids' co-op for Friday. Shove pencil under my toenail, by accident I assure you. Hand off all the football bins to Coe. Pizza party.
Friday - Co-op, meet Coe at Sam's to give her gift card I should have given her yesterday. Take Mags and Brody to pediatrician for sickness. Go to pharmacy. Drop girls at the Hansen's. Get home an hour after people get to my house. Make lists with the help of dearest Tilly.
Notice that ZERO packing got done. No house work either. Van is also disgusting.
Plan for Saturday (today) -
Clean house. Kids are working industriously.
Pack. Ehh. Some is done. Still need suitcases out of the attic.
Finish school assignments to post, print directions. Internet is messed up. Call company and they fix it.
Purge van. Need to invent vehicle enemas.
Bright spots? Pandora radio. G coming for supper! Vacation starts tomorrow. Yay!
Monday, October 08, 2012
Fellowship of the Saints
There are times when church planting is very lonely. Times when you feel forgotten, marginalized or even abandoned. This is true of every church planter I've ever spoken with. It is in those times that I become so self-focused my eyes are completely crossed. There are short moments of this and there are the seemingly endless days of this. I have experienced both.
And then God moves.
God is so gracious in his movement. He reminds. He disciplines. He teaches. Sometimes in the quietness of my heart and sometimes in the public display of himself.
Things in Springville have been going so well. I see how we are becoming family to each other and loving each other so well. I spend most days with friends from here. We watch each others kids, trade recipes, go to the movies. It's great.
Burt preached once about fellowship not just being person to person but also church to church. That moved me to thought. How does that even work?... I'll tell you.
It's knowing that while we were sleeping, 2 churches across the Atlantic were praying for us. It's getting an invitation in the mail from another pca church inviting our women to an event. It's someone stopping by with excitement in their face and exclaiming, "I was going home to Georgia and saw your sign. Our church prays for you guys every Sunday!" It's when another church has to have a cut off on their sign up sheet for a work day with us, even though they live two hours away. I could go on and on and on.
God moves. And we are encouraged. He is so good to us!
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Planning Another Trip
I love planning trips. I was talking with my Dad this week about this. We think planning is part of the fun of going somewhere. Gas stops, menus, outings, it's all part of the fun.
This time last year I was heavy into planning our family trip to England. It does not seem like a year. My kids talk about it all the time. Either it's the people, the church, the mall, the walking, the food, something. They loved it there. So much so that some people believe God has called us to move there as missionaries!
This year, on the same date - October 28th, we are going to Ft. Lauderdale to see my first cousin and his wife. I am so stinkin' excited. I love Brad and Mandi. I love talking about kids, churches and theology. I love that our senses of humor are so similar. I love everything about them.
Plus, they live in South Florida. Less than an hour from Miami. Where it's still sunny and warm. We're going to see the Everglades and the coral reefs of Key Largo. And we're going to church with them at their new church plant. It's going to be awesome.
Chris is flying down and back. He can't take the 14 hour drive and it would be awful for him to have to take 2 of his 6 off days just to travel. The kids and I will drive. We're going to leave a couple of days before Chris and spend some time in Orlando with our friends the Blairs and LaFountains. That will be fun! We'll all end up in Ft Lauderdale on the same day.
I have been studying the maps and planning out our food menu. I've already started buying snack food for the drive. I'm also harassing Ty into getting his permit so he can help with the driving. Some people think all this planning ruins the trip but I say nay-nay. I love the planning and the anticipation. Bring on the empty suitcases and the lists!
This time last year I was heavy into planning our family trip to England. It does not seem like a year. My kids talk about it all the time. Either it's the people, the church, the mall, the walking, the food, something. They loved it there. So much so that some people believe God has called us to move there as missionaries!
This year, on the same date - October 28th, we are going to Ft. Lauderdale to see my first cousin and his wife. I am so stinkin' excited. I love Brad and Mandi. I love talking about kids, churches and theology. I love that our senses of humor are so similar. I love everything about them.
Plus, they live in South Florida. Less than an hour from Miami. Where it's still sunny and warm. We're going to see the Everglades and the coral reefs of Key Largo. And we're going to church with them at their new church plant. It's going to be awesome.
Chris is flying down and back. He can't take the 14 hour drive and it would be awful for him to have to take 2 of his 6 off days just to travel. The kids and I will drive. We're going to leave a couple of days before Chris and spend some time in Orlando with our friends the Blairs and LaFountains. That will be fun! We'll all end up in Ft Lauderdale on the same day.
I have been studying the maps and planning out our food menu. I've already started buying snack food for the drive. I'm also harassing Ty into getting his permit so he can help with the driving. Some people think all this planning ruins the trip but I say nay-nay. I love the planning and the anticipation. Bring on the empty suitcases and the lists!
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
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