Sermon Thoughts Vol. 1

I am blessed to hear the best sermons every week. I like to take notes on the sermon outlines we get. I keep them in a drawer at my house and look over them occassionally. It's a good devotional. If you have the opportunity to do the same, I encourage you to do it.

I have a few favorites that I pull out and read semi-regularly. One of them is from way back. It's accompanied by a good story too. I was in the midst of serious conflict, my first as an adult. The year was 1996 around Christmas. As any of you that know me can attest, I hate conflict. And there I was, up to my neck in it. I got to church late and met up with my good friend, Hope, in the parking lot. She could tell I'd been crying and we had a short conversation about what was going on. Then I sat through the singing feeling unsure of myself and really just torn up inside. Guess what the sermon was about? Peace. Burt preached straight to my heart. My notes quote him as saying, "True peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of Christ." And I realized that what I was comfortable with was 'absence of conflict' not a concrete reality of Christ's presence. In that moment, my faith was strengthened and I knew what was required of me. It was a huge, life changing moment. And God used Burt to teach it to me. Have I ever said 'Thank you' to you Burt? I should have. I'll say it now - Thanks for teaching what you learn and speaking truth to us every week. It is appreciated.

I have many more sermons that were specifically meaningful. I'll share more later. It's good for me to read them and learn anew. Plus, I hope you like them.

In this picture, I'd just gotten off the lift. That's Maggie just left off center in the white and purple. If you look just to the right of the evergreens in the very center of the frame, you can see our hotel. It's more of a cream colored blob. ;o) 

This is Kim on the blue lift. Maggie and I were on the seat ahead of her. The three of us skied together most of the time. 

A Lovely Trip

As you can see from the pictures above, we had lots of snow. It was in the low 40's, so it wasn't that cold either. We skiied all day Tuesday and Wednesday. Maggie and Ty were in ski school the first day and then spent the second skiing with Chris and I. Maggie skis like me and Ty is more like Chris, only more fearless. No joke.

Our friends Boo and Evan came with us which was too fun. Kim and Scott came up the day after we did. Evan learned how to ski in about 15 minutes - big turkey. He's really good too. Makes me sick.

Maggie can ski better than me now. And Ty is even better than her. He comes down the black diamonds in a tuck. He knows how to cut back and forth but he says that he can't go fast enough when he does that. So, he just points his skis straight and goes wide open. Next year he must wear a helmet. He scares me.

I executed my one spectacular, required fall. It was, as usual, gorgeous. I was coming down the, to my mind, most insanely steep slope ever. I didn't want to but if I wanted to ski Oz it was the only way down. So down I went - literally. So as to not disappoint my fans, I made sure that I fell in the midst of the most people possible. Everyone had a chance to see and comment. Just as planned. And right on schedule.

The boys had a massive snowball battle. By 'boys' I mean Ty, Bren, Chris and Evan. Brody enjoyed wandering back and forth in the line of fire. He reminded me of a duck in the carnival shooting games. The boys had strategies, berms, forts, shields, and endless amounts of ammunition. The battle lasted almost an hour. At the end of it, everyone was soaking wet and frozen. They came in, took showers and ate some Beef Skillet Fiesta. The perfect end to the perfect day.

Needless to say, the trip was fun, adventurous, beautiful, and maybe a little crazy. No one fought or broke anything. We all laughed and joked. I was very grateful. And after two solid days of being on skis, a bit sore. I'll post more pictures when I get them developed.

Getting Ready For Vacation

As much as I love taking vacations, I hate getting ready for them. I mean, first of all there's all the pressure of packing. If it was just my clothes, it wouldn't be so bad. But I have to make sure that 6 people have everything they're going to need without going overboard. I don't want to have to buy stuff when we get there but I don't want to be so crowded in the van that we can't move. And toy selection is crucial. Just enough of just the right toys that will keep them content for a 7 hour trip. But then again, that's not really possible.

Then there's the 'clean house standard'. You know what I'm talkin' about. My house must be clean. I'm serious. I do not want to be plagued on my trip with the knowledge that my house is a mess. then I know that I have to work the day I get home. No thank you. Add to this the sad fact that, due to my recent surgery and sickness, my house had not been really cleaned in almost 2 weeks. Ugh.

The problem is that I have to do all this meticulous planning and detailed cleaning with 4 freakin' kids up my rear. If I clean the kitchen, in fifteen minutes it's dirty again. Case in point: yesterday, I finally got Brody calm and Maggie cleaning. Ty I had just given up on. My sweet compliant child was possessed, so I sent him to his bed. I made Gracie go ahead and get in the shower. She enjoys it and it keeps her occupied for a while. I was finally making progress on the kitchen when Maggie ran in the room to inform me that the bathroom was flooded. Apparently the plastic shower liner was on the outside of the tub. She had been in the tub for almost 10 minutes, so there was a good 4 gallons of water in the floor. Needless to say, that was a thirty minute detour. That was typical of yesterday.

So now, here I sit afraid to move or my house will get messy. Obsessed with the fear that I've forgotten some vital something for the trip. House clean? check. Diapers? check. Snacks? check. List? completed. I think I'm ready.

Patrick asked me one time why it was that people think that life will be magically different on vacation. Same kids. Same parents. Why do we expect a different response? I'm sure you can all think of different reasons. I think that, for me, it's that we plan trips that we can afford so that we don't have to say 'No' all the time. Isn't that what all kids want? To get what they want. But in my experience, it just makes them greedier.

My somewhat rambling point being: I have to enjoy every moment as if it's the best moment I'll ever have. Because who knows? Maybe it is. And every moment is something straight from the heart of God. Ask my Dad. The darkest, most painful moments in life hold beautiful things. So, I guess I need a chill pill. And be like the Expedia commercials, enjoy the getting ready. And thank God that we get a snow skiing trip in the midst of the 'non-month'.

So, if you want, go to www.skibeech.com this Tuesday or Wednesday and click on "live web cam". You might just see me skidding wildly down the slopes.

The Fall of Man

Yesterday, I felt awful. I had a terrible headache. In my stubborn way, I pushed through it and kept busy. I visited a friend, went to the store, and took the kids to a birthday party for their cousin. We got home at bedtime, just in time to wake Chris up for work. I kept feeling worse and worse. Got Chris off to work and the kids in bed and lay in the bed trying to read a little to relax. As I lay there, a thought occured to me. "This feeling is familiar. Why? What is this feeling exactly?" I thought. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm gonna throw up. This feeling is my body getting ready for it.

Now I don't know about you but I hate to throw up. I fight it for as long as I can. But my stomach was hurting not just nauseous. I couldn't get comfortable. Finally at 3:30, I was ready. And I finally fell asleep around 6:00.

Later in the day, Maggie and Gracie started complaining of stomach pain. As Grace was crying from the pain, she looked up at me and asked, "Momma, why do we have to be sick?" As I looked at her sweet little face contorted in pain, I would have given anything to be able to take it away. All I could say was, "It's because of something called the fall of man. When sin came into the world so did sickness. I wish it wasn't so but it is. And just think.... in heaven everything will be perfect, just like God wants it to be. We won't ever get sick there." I wanted her to understand the difference between there here and now and the soon.

She looked up at me and said, "When can we go there? I wish we were there now." Amen. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Here's our first formal studio pic in many years. We had it made for our pictoral directory at church. Doesn't Chris look handsome? *wink* 

A Little Part To A Big Whole

I watched a special on PBS the other day. You should know that I am addicted to PBS. It's the poor-man's cable. I can watch Brit-coms, forensics shows, mysteries, how-to's, just about anything you can get on cable. And it's free. Can I hear an 'Amen'? Anyways....

The special was about how scientists are working on bringing sight to the blind. One lady who had been blind for years had this belt of equipment with a pair of souped up sunglasses and could begin to see dots of light. Another scientist is working on this little chip with needles sticking out of it that is implanted into the eyeball and basically acts as artificial neurons. You know that toy you can get that has all the nail type things and when you hold it up to your face it makes the shape of it? This device looks like a teeny tiny one of those. Amazing!

The interviewer was asking the man how long before they could test on humans. The scientist said that as a scientist, you have to look at things with a broader view. You have to know that "your life's work may not be fulfilled in your lifetime." That the project he had dedicated his entire life to, would probably not be accomplished in his lifetime. He understood that some things just take a long time.

It reminds me of Copernicus, Kepler and Newton. None of them could have accomplished what they did if they had had to start from scratch. Newton relied heavily upon Kepler's work.

Now as someone who is totally into instant gratification, I find this very convicting. I mean, I don't even cook food that takes longer than thirty minutes to prepare! Chris once told me, in a rather exasperated voice, that I was the most impatient person he had ever met. At the time I was taken aback. Now I can own up to that sin. I am. "Hello. My name is Crissy and I am very impatient. "

Have I ever really understood that I am in the midst of God's master plan? My life is a small part to a very big whole. Something that God started in my great Grandmother may just be accomplished in my lifetime. Something that God starts in my life may not be accomplished until Maggie's grandchildren. Or the next century. Who knows? Am I willing to humble myself enough to enjoy that? What blessings are to be found in knowing that the Master of the ultimate master plan knows my name, my pain, my joy. He knows me intimately. He gives my life meaning in the midst of the universal issues at hand.

In a way, I resist the idea of being small. I remember someone asking my Granddad once why, as a successful business man, he never moved to a bigger city. His response? "I'd rather be a big fish in a small pond. If I moved, I'd just be a small fish in a big pond." Sad to say, but I can identify with that. I think there's something in all of us (pride) that longs to be big and important. And we'll take that validation in whatever form we can. Isn't that the origin of an idol?

I guess the secret of knowing God is being content to be small compared to his greatness. As John the Baptist said, "He must become greater; I must become less." "Only then will I be able to not live in competition with him.

Bored

I'm soooooo bored! My mouth still hurts enough that I have to take pain pills. They make me a little confused. I don't want to go anywhere, but I don't want to stay at home either. I'm sleepy but also tired of sleeping. Reading is hard because of the drug induced confusion. I've seen all the movies I own and have no way of getting more. Plus, it's Saturday so there's nothing on tv. Add to all that my swollen face and you get my situation. Ahhhh, I feel better now that I've gotten all that whine off my chest. ;o)

I got to thinking this morning: How would my situation be different if I'd been born a century ago? I guess I probably would be destined to die. Just think about it. The infection had already eaten through part of my jaw bone. Given time, would it have spread to my bloodstream or my brain? Or would I have just lost all my teeth and my lower jaw? Weird to think about.

It's so quiet here. I'm all by myself. I've been told that I'm not allowed to do any work. I'm not supposed to fold laundry or empty the dishwasher. Instead of feeling guilty about that, I think I'll choose to enjoy it. How shall I do that? Hmmmm. I think I'll go take a nap. Night!

Surgery Update

Just thought if Jawan can update her blog in the hospital, I can update mine the day of surgery. Because Jawan is of course my role model. ;o)

I went in this morning at 9am for my oral surgery. The surgery took about an hour. Dr. O'Neill said that there was more bone loss that he had expected and wanted. The bone loss in my jaw was all the way up to the gum line and had also spread to the back tooth beside it. He had to do a couple of more things than he expected in addition to filling in the hole with bone chips. There's still a risk that I could lose the teeth anyway.

I have six stitches in the left side of my mouth just below my teeth. It hurts but not horribly. I can't open my mouth hardly at all so talking, laughing and eating are a struggle. (keep all comments to yourselves please!) One of my stitches is poking my cheek. Very annoying.

Laura Leigh brought us supper tonight. She was so thoughtful. She cooked a creamy chicken casserole with egg noodles in it and gooey brownies. If I cut the noodles into small pieces I could eat it and the brownies are just as good smushed. Thank you Laura!

Thank you also to my Secret Pal. I loved my gift. She gave me a beautiful teacup and saucer, tea and a great magazine. With a card that read "Get well soon." Thank you for thinking of me.

Well, my jaw is starting to swell and hurt because I can't keep an ice pack on it and type at the same time. It's hard enough to just think and type at the same time. Thanks for checking my blog. And thank you for your prayers. Night!

Nothings

Lortab makes me itch. Now my tooth hurts and I look like I have fleas. I can't quit scratching.

Brody openly defied me today for the first time. He found a piece of gum on the floor in the living room. I told him no but by the time I could run in there he had ripped the wrapper off, tore the gum in half and was trying to shove half in his mouth when I grabbed him. He was highly offended that I wouldn't let him keep it.

My church is getting a lot of young couples in it. They look at me as if I'm some mature woman since I've got 4 kids. Ha! If they only knew that I walk around clueless half the time they wouldn't say that. It's weird how new people perceive me. Everyone else just thinks I'm goofy.

Because I can't chew, I'm living off of soup, Slim-Fast, yogurt and cranberry sauce. Ya know, things I can strain between my teeth and then swallow. It's getting old.

I'm ready for bed. Good night.

Guess What?

My charmed life gets better and better. My tooth that I had the root canal in, not the one I'm having surgery on, is abcessed! It hurts like 'you know what'. Please pray that the antibiotics the doctor called in will work quickly. I'm strugglin'.

Get Off My Back

I know, I know.... it's been a really long time since my last post. I've been really overwhelmed. Life has snuck up and bit me in the butt, again.

I've been busy planning out a new nine week unit study for school. Very time consuming. It's been fun though. The Middle Ages, woo-hoo. I've got the lesson plans done, still working on the tests and worksheets.

In the past six days, two kids have been to the ENT, all six of us have been to the dentist for cleanings, I've had a root canal and a consultation with an oral surgeon. Good news - only Maggie had cavities (just 1), Ty and Brody are better now (they're on antibiotics for sinus infections). Bad news- the root canal couldn't be finished because it kept bleeding so now it's sensitive and Dr. Koplon found a large 'lesion' in my jaw. Come to find out, it's (more than likely) a very large abcess from a dead nerve. The problem is that it's sooooo big. It's never a good sign when your doctor looks at your x-ray and says "Whoa! What's that?!?!?" For a few days Chris and I were dealing with the possibility that it could be a tumor. Needless to say, I was in a quiet mood for a while. I wasn't scared really, just quiet. Long story short, I'm having a root canal on Tuesday and oral surgery next Thursday. Dr. O'Neill will clean out the cyst and fill in the gaping hole with bone chips. Sounds like fun to me!

Seriously though... as Leslie said today "You've had a lot of health type issues lately. Haven't you?" I guess I have and I get really, really tired of it. I don't like pain and being away from my children. I don't like spending money on things I can't enjoy. I don't like not being able to take care of my family. And as I type this I am reminded that wait... it's not all about me. For some reason, I can't truly grasp that concept.

I want to be comfortable and God wants me to be holy. And in these moments of dread and fear, He reminds me that He is always here. I want to be tough and people tell me that I am. But I don't feel tough and full of faith because I feel like crying. But I think that's what real faith looks like. Real faith is experiencing my pain and fear, crying and knowing, really knowing that He has a plan. I don't understand it and I wish He could make me holy without pain but He is God. He knows all the things that I don't.

Plus, He takes care of me. He doesn't give me a task and then tell me to get on with it. He lavishes His love and grace on me. His Spirit provides me with all I need. He surrounds me with His children. I cannot possibly take the time to type the names of all my friends that will be there with me. To care for my kids, bring me food, help me clean, listen to me whine, pray for me and with me, and love me.

Life is a journey and I cannot wait for the destination! My heartfelt prayer is that there will be no teeth in heaven.

Dr. Kim

Dr. Kim Schmitt is our lovely friend. God has used her skill and knowledge to keep Brody, Ty and Gracie healthy these past few years. She always has a smile and love for my kids. And in return, they love her more than any other doctor in the world. (Our dentist, Dr. Koplon is a close second) Whenever I tell them that it's time for a doctor visit, they cry if it's not to Dr. Kim. Seriously, they do.

Ty had to have allergy shots for a couple of years. You would think that he would hate the doctor's office. He doesn't. They brag on him and encourage him. They give him treats and hugs. So an otherwise traumatic experience has been an overwhelmingly positive one for him.

Poor Brody has had the most awful time with ear infections. She put tubes in, but his ears would push them out after a couple of months. She ended up putting in something similar to a 't-tube'. These new ones won't come out on their own. After horrible recurring infections for the first year and a half of his life, he's been healthy now for a year. Colds - yes. Ear infections - nope.

Gracie and Maggie haven't had to visit her often as a patient but they love going. Her office has a really cool play room and super sweet staff. Dr. Kim is also the one who discovered Chris' Dad's throat cancer at a really early stage. She probably saved his life.

I asked Ty why he loves her. His reply? "Because she takes care of me." Simple as that.

It's really cool to me how God puts just the right people in our lives at just the right times. Once again, He proves himself trustworthy.

Being Real

I think that everyone is fake at some point or another. I'm sure there are people who are always fake. But even those of us who try not to be fake can't help it sometimes.

I was talking to some friends the other day, at different times, about this. Why is it that when we're going through a dark place we hide it? We put on a smile and laugh. I do it sometimes. Almost a year ago I went through a darkness. Life seemed overwhelming and tedious. But I tried really hard to act like nothing was different. Why?

Well, I think there are several reasons. To begin with, I try to maintain my reputation. People tell me I'm friendly and outgoing. Because of that, I feel the need to live up to that... to not disappoint anyone. Which is kinda stupid when I think about it. Not to mention, sinful. I'm depending on my reputation instead of resting in my position as a daughter of the covenant.

Another reason I'm tempted to be fake is the feelings that occur in those dark places are scary and deep. To not feel happy or contented or peaceful is weird and uncomfortable. I don't like it and don't want other people to look at me funny. I want to hide. I want to pretend. But when I do that, I reject the grace of God. I try to take care of the problems myself. Quite simply, I'm not trusting God.

Being real means that if I'm unhappy, when someone says "How are you?" I can honestly say, "I'm struggling today." I don't have to unload on them, telling them all my deepest sorrows but I can ask them to pray for me.

And when I do that, the next time that person is having a hard time they'll be more likely to ask me to pray for them. I will have humbled myself and that makes it a little easier to ask God for help. Burt preached a sermon last year that has helped me a lot. The title was Remembering Wilderness and Surviving Wealth. In the dark places, I seek Him. Nothing makes sense anymore, He is all I have. But when life is peachy, I get into a routine and don't seek Him out anymore.

The dark places are really blessings in disguise. God uses them to show me who I really am and what trusting Him looks like. Romans 5:3-5 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I can taste of him in a deeper way in the wilderness because I'm hungrier. Needier. Weaker. And he meets me there and supplies all my needs. HE becomes my peace.

Alternative to Wal-Mart

A lot of people ask me how I can manage to not shop at Wal-Mart. "How can you afford shopping anywhere else?" or my favorite, "But it's so much faster to get everything in one place."

Propoganda! That's all that is. People have bought into the advertising that Wal-Mart is cheaper and more convenient. Poppycock!

I buy groceries, dog food, diapers, pull-ups, household items, everything for a family of 6 for around $400 a month. You can, most of the time, find what you need on sale at other stores for the same price or cheaper than WM. You just have to be committed. Look at the sale papers.

"Why don't you just take your sale papers to WM. They'll honor them."

Not neccessarily. They don't honor Buy One Get One Free or percentages. And many times, if you get tons of items that way, they bring in the CSM to hand check each item. Not very convenient.

As to the "convenience" issue.... how many times have you gone to WM only to find they don't have what you need? And you still have to go to another store or settle for something else. Not to mention the fact that the store is soooooo big that it takes forever to get from one place to another.

Then there's the check-out problems. They never have adequate numbers of check-outs open. I have to wait at least ten minutes in a line before I start checking out. (Do not even get me started on the 'self-ckeckouts'!)

Today, I bought all my groceries at Publix. A produce manager offered to help me pick out the best bag of grapes. The butcher ground a fresh pack of ground chuck in a family pack for me, at the sale price. The cashier helped me unload my buggy. The bag boy had me pull up to the front of the store and sit in my van while he loaded my groceries for me in the rain! How much did I spend? Well, for a receipt that is literally 28 inches long, I spent less than $200.00. I bought food for two weeks, dog food, bird seed, laundry stuff, toilet paper, paper towels, snack foods, sodas, etc. I might could have done even better if I had gone to Winn-Dixie and Food World but it was raining cats and dogs and I couldn't stand the thoughts of it!

Publix's slogan is "Where shopping is a pleasure." Today I would have to agree with them.

Sound

My kids are studying sound in school. Sound waves, frequency, etc. Ty, who is reading a A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, surmised that there are lots of sounds that would be really unfamiliar to King Arthur. Maggie realized that most of these noises are so familiar to us that we don't even hear them anymore.

So for school, they had to make a list of a.) loud sounds, b.) soft sounds, and c.) sounds we don't even hear anymore. Here are my sounds that I don't even hear anymore.

1. Anytime Chris starts talking about shoes.

2. Gracie's whining.... I put her on ignore.

3. Kim giving me pertinent information... don't ask me why.

4. Silence... but that's just because my kids are so loud.

5. The buzzer on the dryer, and I have it up really loud!

6. Curse words in movies. I don't even register them.

7. My Mother's voice in my head. (Is that good or bad?)

8. Chris' alarm that goes off at 4:oo am when he has to go to work in Anniston. And it's on my side of the bed!

9. My kids talking to me when I'm working at the computer. That is, until the questioning is soooo repetititve that it breaks through my sound barrier.

10. Wiggles movies. I don't realize I'm hearing it until I start singing all the songs. Very annoying!

Maybe later I'll make a list of all the sounds that I wish I didn't hear.

Sleep

I am sooooo sleepy right now. If I could I would climb in the bed and sleep until tomorrow. I slept fine last night. I don't know what my problem is.

Since I can't sleep, I better get busy. Lord knows I have plenty to do. Maybe this is brain melt from homeschooling today.

Stupidity

Some may call it stupidity. Others may call it selfishness. I call it thoughtlessness. It is what plagues me. It is that deep down character flaw that causes the ones I love pain.

Sometimes my mouth overides my butt. I say things that are callus or arrogant. I do things that hurt others. Plain and simple, I just don't think.

Last night, I did something that stirred up fear and bad memories for my friend. And if I had just stopped and thought I would have realized it before it was too late. But I didn't and now she feels all sorts of conflicting emotions and convictions.

It reminds me of something that happened to me after my Mom died. For those of you that don't know, my Mother was a self-medicating bi-polar. She was into other things too. My sister and I realized that things were out of control. Kim contacted Mother's doctor, who wouldn't return her calls. Kim called an attorney, who said that we had to have a doctor. It was horrible. There Mother sat in misery, insanity and filth and the only people who cared could do nothing about it.

Anyways.... after she died, we had to clean out her rental house. The most traumatic thing for me were the gnats. There were literally thousands of them. We wore masks to keep them out of our mouth and nose. It was awful. About two months later, I opened my pantry and out flew a gnat. One gnat. Just one. My mind knew there was only one but my heart freaked out. I started shaking and crying and hitting myself in the head. Chris ran into the room and grabbed me. All I could say was "No. No. I can't be like her. No. No....." It took me a few minutes to get myself under control. And even longer to really release that to Christ. But where my Mom's sin abounded, His grace abounded all the more.

So for my thoughtlessness to trigger emotions even remotely like that causes me deep pain. I ask myself, when will I ever learn? I don't know. I hope soon. I pray that Christ will come back today. He is my only hope.

Prayer Please

I hope all who read this will pray for me. I am in charge of planning a Women's Ministry Event. Not a meeting or a coffee. An event. As in decorating, childcare, speaker, food, seminars, etc.

Internal thought* me no can do this... me too stupid... plague, pestilence, danger, danger.

I can try to convince myself that I can do this, or I can lean completely upon my Savior. In this I am weak, but I am boldly stating that He is strong. Please pray that I will trust him. He is enough. He can do this.



BTW, off topic, it's 74 degrees here. All my windows are open and the fans are on. Lovely! Of course we'll probably have tornadoes tomorrow. ;o)

New Favorite CD

Just a quick note to share my new favorite CD. I've played it way to many times. If I don't slow down, I'm gonna get sick of it.

It's Ethereal, titled Tending Both Sides. You can find it at www.etherealband.com

Happy New Year

Well, the party was fun! We only had 63 instead of 66. Skye was sick and Eric and Pat stayed home with her. So, pretty much everyone we expected to come came. We had hoped the Boykins would be able to come but no such luck. Everyone missed them.

We had plenty of food. A party without food is unacceptable. We never ran out of anything. Afterward, Terri and I agreed that we must be getting better at party planning. We were all thankful for the beautiful weather. Evan built a wonderful bonfire. Thank you Evan and David. The kids played outside and got along well. The adults mingled and talked and ate and drank.

A lot of people dressed up from their favorite time period. I was a hippie, Kim was a fifties housewife, Terri was '80's, Boo was 70's. But the winners were Jon Carter, who was a 70's Bible salesman, and Melissa Epperson who was totally 80's. Here's a picture. I hate the quality of these pictures but Kim forgot her digital camera and I had no film for my camera. So once again I was stuck using my phone. I really wish the picture was better.


Jon's wife Betty was a very close second to Missy. Betty had on a red wig and black and leopard print dress from the 60's. I can't tell everyone's costume but believe me, they were all good.



Speaking of Betty's wig. Here's Laura wearing it. (Once again, bad picture quality. Sorry.) Laura was crackin me up. You should have seen Steve in it! He was hysterical.

We listened to music too. Dean Martin, Stevie Nicks, The Black Crowes, The Eagles, The Beatles, a 70's compilation and the Pretty in Pink soundtrack. We tried to cover as many eras as possible. Oh and don't forget the BeeGee's, but that was after most people had already left.

There was lots of dancing and silliness. My new friends Connie and Boo got to meet my best friend Amber. And come to find out they knew a lot of the same people. Cool. There were more people that I would have liked to invite but my house is just not big enough.

I hope all who came had fun. I know I sure did.

This is Molly. She is my slightly retarded, hippo dog. Amber called her a slug. She is sooo loving though. She loves to be petted and talked to. She smiles too. She also lays around the yard looking just like Snoopy: on her back, head bent back, ears flopped out. Funny, goofy dog! 

It's Out Of Control

Okay. Here's the deal. Last year Kim and I threw a New Year's Eve Party. We invited ten families. Three people showed up. Not three families - three people! Needless to say, we were sorely disappointed.

So this year, we invited twenty families and sent out the invitations a week early to increase our chances. Long story made short, we have twenty-two families coming. Yes, you read correctly. We have more people coming than we invited. How? Word of mouth. Head count? 37 adults and 29 children. Thank goodness I have a 5,000 square foot home. Oh, wait! I don't!!!

Truly, I am not upset. A little freaked out maybe. A little afraid that people aren't going to enjoy themselves. But ya know? Now that I think about it... it's wonderful. We have had people call to say, "I knew you wouldn't mind, so I invited the ---." And other people call and ask if they could come. Wow! I love that. I love that people feel comfortable enough to do that. Because I really don't mind.

I love when people come over. My house is not perfect or even clean, but it is a home. "It looks lived in.", my best friend Amber says. Not too many years ago that would have made me feel insecure and inadequate. I took comments like that as a veiled insult. Today, it feels like what it is - a testament to the grace of God. I used to think that my house, my kids, my abilities - in other words, the things I did- were what brought glory to God. Now I realize that it's the Holy Spirit in me that brings glory to God. God doesn't care about my couch or my kitchen sink. He wants my heart. My motivations. It's hard to explain.

So now I say... Bring it on!!! Come on over. Roast marshmallows over the bonfire, listen to the music, eat lots of food, talk and laugh. I am priviledged that you can do all those things at my home. All 66 of you.

Random Thoughts Concerning Food

Today, I have just picked a topic out of the air. Now I will note all of my brilliant thoughts on the subject. Hang on tight, this could get messy.

1. Starbucks' Caramel Macchiato (can't spell it correctly) is my favorite coffee-type drink of all time.

2. Homemade tacos are so much better than anything you can buy. Why bother with Taco Bell?

3. Frozen green beans are ALWAYS nasty. No matter how you cook them.

4. Chris has eaten fish eyeballs in the jungles of Peru, but he will not eat mushrooms. Under any circumstances.

5. Terri's spagetti sauce and homemade icing are to die for. Not together of course. That would be nasty.

6. I don't understand people who have the desire to cook something that takes longer than thirty minutes to prepare. After 30 minutes, it's just not worth the effort.

7. I also don't understand people who pay $100 for a meal. It's just going to come out the other in end in a few hours.

8. It seems wrong somehow to cook Hamburger Helper in a $200 Calphalon pan.

9. If there is ever a shortage of concrete, we could just use day old grits. They harden to about the same degree.

10. French food. One question... Why? bleck!

11. As anyone who knows me personally can attest, I cannot eat meat off the bone. It makes me gag. I think it stems from a deeply disturbing event from my childhood. My Great Grandfather took me into the yard with him when he chopped a chicken's head off. It ran around for several minutes with blood spurting out of it's neck. I've never eaten chicken on the bone since.

12. As a senior in high school, I was required to read The Jungle by Upton Sinclair. I've not eaten sausage since.

13. I have a really bad habit of buying bananas and forgetting about them. They stay on top of the refrigerator until they're black and shriveled. Kim says that I mummify them. My Dad-in-law came over one day and asked "How long until you think they're finally ripe?" HaHa Very funny.

14. I go a little crazy when planning the food for a party. I end up with way too much. A web site that I read said that for a small gathering, you should serve 2 salty and 2 sweet. Huh? What is that? In my opinion, 4 or maybe even 5 of each. Is that overboard you think?

So there. Completely unimportant and unrelated information. This is probably the most useless post I've ever written. (G, no comments. I can hear them swirlin' around.)

A Word About Pastor G

I have a confession to make. Steve Morgan (aka Pastor G) makes me laugh so hard. I know he's reading this but I have to admit it. He is one of the funniest people I know. Sometimes he's mean and cruel. Often he has a weird smell about him... okay not really, I made the smell thing up. But he can be mean only in a really funny way.

He has done studies on delegation and still has no earthly idea what it means. He procrastinates, which drives the people around him nuts. He is slightly compulsive and a little high-strung. But overall, he's a trip. He preaches some really great sermons. Even Chris can stay awake for them. ;o) He does have his "preacher voice" though. I think he thinks it makes him sound smarter.

He married way out of his league, to Laura. And strangely, she thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. Oh well, to each his own.

But seriously, I remember when he never even came to church and now he's our assistant (or is it associate?) pastor. Amazing what the love of Christ can do. He's really smart. A great conversationalist. And a good friend. Steve, I'll say it once and never again, I'm glad you're on staff.

And if you'd ever write your first post, I'll honor you with a link on my page.

Which reminds me.... Leslie, Laura, Amber, Kim and Terri - you have one week to post or I remove your link. Ahhhh, I love power!

Clarity

Have you ever had to go somewhere, into a situation, that made you so uncomfortable that you went a little crazy? Some of you really confident people, like my husband, will have no idea what I'm talking about. Read on and learn.

Sometime in the recent past (that's all the info you need), I was required to go into just such a situation. In retrospect, it wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be. I have a very healthy imagination. But, anyway, like I was saying, I was required to go be with people that make me really uncomfortable. They say they like me but when I'm with them, they ignore me completely. And if they're not ignoring me, they're making comments that... well, we won't go there. Suffice it to say, whenever I'm around them I feel like a dorky idiot that has nothing to say that's worth listening to. I don't like feeling that way. Which is why I avoid these people.

So what have we learned so far? I'm insecure, cowardly and avoid confrontation like the plague.

The day of this intended meeting I was a basketcase. I will try to explain it more coherently. When I am with my friends, I am completely myself. I laugh, tell jokes, interact, listen fairly well, and hopefully make people comfortable. I don't mind talking to strangers. My Mother used to say I could talk to a stump if I could get it to stand still. I am usually relaxed. But put me in this particular situation and I lose myself completely. I know that I am expected to be a certain person but I'm not that person anymore. I feel like a square peg being forced into a round hole. And because I want to please people, I try really hard to be who they want me to be. So, in short, my natural instinct tells me to change who I am to please someone else. But the strong inner self tells me to forget them and their opinions and just be me.

Problem one, my inner self is a very relational person. I can't interact with people who ignore me. Problem two, I want all people to like me. I want to change myself into someone they'll like. Problem three, it can't be done. I spent the day feeling like a prisoner of war in my own body. I was "conflicted". I was making myself crazy trying to figure out how to be me and not care what others think.

My sweet, beautiful husband put it all in perspective for me. He said "Just remember, God says you're beautiful and so do I. And that's all that really counts."

That completely changed the whole situation. I realized that I was so wrapped up in me that I had forgotten Christ. I had lost all spiritual perspective. It was all about me. It was all about how they make me feel and how should I respond and how I didn't want to be hurt. I had to ask myself the big, real questions. Who am I? The daughter of the Most High. What am I? completely loved, completely forgiven and completely righteous. What else matters? Nothing.

That is where my confidence lies. That is where my sense of self comes from. I am beautiful because God says I am. No one elses opinion of me has any value. And armed with that reality, I experienced a moment of clarity. I walked into the situation with love and peace. I had fun. I saw them with the eyes of Christ. I felt bad for them when I saw their striving for acceptance based on possesions. I spoke with confidence and hopefully, without defensiveness.

When I left, my head didn't hurt. I never felt like crying. And I was humbled by how completely and utterly I had forgotten the Cross. One of my favorite verses of Scripture is in 2 Timothy 2:13. It says " If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself." He was faithful to me when I had forgotten him. He loves me with a love I cannot even imagine. He doesn't grow disgusted with my strivings. He meets me in that place and whispers my name. And when I finally hear him, my spirit grows quiet and relaxed in the presence of such love. Oh for more moments of clarity like that.

Too Much Food!

Aahhh!!!! I had lost five pounds and I think I gained every pound back today. Ugh. I feel sick. I did great at breakfast. Only a very small amount and healthy stuff at that. But lunch... it was an ugly sight. They had corn casserole, green bean casserole, hashbrown casserole, dressing, brownies, yams... I ate way too much. I tore into it like a monkey on a cupcake. Now I have to repent and walk two miles tomorrow. Why do I do that? I mean, I feel gross and disgusting. I mean, do I even have self-control?

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!

Music

What is it about music that is so involving? Music has the ability to reach the very deepest parts of who I am. If the music is sad, I 'm depressed for days. If it is happy, I smile for days. If it is uplifting, I worship for days. Music can make me cry and laugh and feel.

I hate to cry. I fight it as hard as I can. Not knowingly, but somewhere inside me, I fight it. Sort of like throwing up. I try to think about anything else. I'll watch a movie, read a book, play on the computer, etc. Since I know this about myself, I am very careful. I make myself feel my deepest feelings. I make myself dwell on them and think them through. And if I need to cry, I put on sad music. Works everytime. Why?

And there are certain songs that make me feel like a teenager again. "Walkin' On Sunshine" is one of them. There's a Stevie Nicks song that does it too. What's the name..... I can't remember. "Maybe I'm just thinkin that the rooms are all on fire......" that one. I hear them and I want to dance and sing at the top of my lungs. Why?

But my favorite is our music in church. When I hear Stokes, Connie and Adam sing and play - it does something to me. I literally feel my spirit lifted up. It's like my insides are struggling to get out and fly away to heaven. In those moments, I feel God. I'm not saying that a relationship with God is all about feeling, cause it's not. I know that he is with me all the time, but when I am worshiping, my spirit jumps and sings to him. I feel connected to him. He is there. I remember a verse that says, "He inhabits the praises of his people." (found it... Ps. 22:3 KJV) He is the only thing worthy of praise. He is our praise. Okay, bear with me a second.

I think that God created music to connect directly to our spirits. It was created as a means to worship him. And we were created to glorify God. So in those moments, I am doing and being exactly who I was created to be. And the only good I have in me is because of Him. Because of my union with Christ. So, when I hear Stokes, Connie and Adam worshiping God, my spirit and the Holy Spirit living within me have intimate communion as together we worship the Father. And in those moments, I have a glimpse... a taste of heaven. A brief flash of God's beauty. No wonder my soul wells up within me.

Oh, I love him. He is so cool and so much deeper than I could ever imagine. And even if I could imagine it, no words would ever adequately express it. That's what the spirit is for, to worship without words. To be still and know he is God.

I wonder if Connie, Stokes, Adam, Amber and Jawan and the rest even know how their gifts affect the people around them. God has truly priviledged them with the ability to lead others to himself. Hmmm.... Neat.... Amazing..... Inadequate words. I know.

Come See The Violence Inherent In The System

Yesterday, the kids and I went to Kim's for the day. Kim and I were inside, looking at the grocery store sale papers. The kids were outside, playing football, basketball, sword fighting, and playing Star Wars. It was a good and perfect day.

And then the tranquility was shattered.

Ellas came running in screaming "Gracie knocked Ty's teeth out! He's bleeding!"

My hope was a busted lip. I didn't panic cause we have blood fairly frequently at our home, between Ellas' clumsiness and Ty's nosebleeds. I dropped my sale paper and ran for the yard. And there was Ty, bleeding profusely from the mouth and holding part of a tooth. "Please let it be a baby tooth!" I prayed. Nope.

Gracie had smacked Ty in the mouth with a plastic pirate sword and broke his two bottom, permanent teeth in half, horizontally. Plus, she busted his lip pretty bad. I loaded Ty up and took off for Dr. Koplon's. Once there, Ty had to undergo root canals on both his broken teeth. He has temporary fillings in right now. But we go back Monday for something more permanent.

Gracie is deeply sorrowful and Ty is deeply sore. Pray for both of them. Poor kids.

My sweet little boy. I went in to wake him from his nap and found him like this. Such a sweet pose.  

Who Wants A King?

These are several thoughts that I know are connected. I'm still trying to figure out how. So this is more me puzzling things out. Not making a statement of sure belief.

What is a king? What does he do? What is his purpose? Why did the Israelites beg for one?

A king is a 'sovereign', one who rules over a people. A king, a good king, makes laws, resolves conflicts, extends justice, protects and defends his people, provides for his people, leads his people into battle, and demands respect and submission.

When he leaves the castle, runners go before him calling out, "Here comes the King. Bow before the King." Why? So that people can come stare? No. So that no one will be caught unaware. For to ignore the King would be a punishable offence. And it was a priviledge to serve him and give him honor.

Why do people want a king? I guess for one, it feels safe. The other nations judge you by how strong your leader is. Plus, we tend to be headless chickens. We need someone to unite us and give us purpose. We all have different ideas and need a king to make the big decisions. We want someone to be in charge of us. *side note- just like our kids want to know boundaries, so do we.*

We don't elect kings either. It is a monarchy - not a democracy. Some people may not like him or respect him or even acknowledge him as king - but that doesn't change the fact that he is the king. The king rules over all his people, even the ones who disregard him. And those same people benefit from his wisdom. If he makes a treaty with a neighboring country, all of his people reap the positive results. Loyal or disloyal.

So why does scripture call the baby Jesus the king? Did the shepherds and wise men come to a baby shower? Did they come just to see an exceptional infant? The answer is a resounding NO!

Christ was born as King. He was in the beginning. By his very essence were all things created. They were created by him and for him. He was king over all creation from the beginning of time. And when he came, he came on a royal mission. It was not to teach tolerance or moral law. He came to fulfill the very law that he created. To satisfy in himself the justice that he required.

Did he ask permission? Does a king ever need the permission of his people to act? To say that he needs our permission is to say that he is not sovereign. Who wants a weak king? Not me.

How does this change my view of Christmas? Or, better yet, does it change my views at all?

Well, for Chris and I, it does change things a bit. He's not just a baby with a vision. Or a nebulous heavenly party. Gifts take on a new meaning. They aren't things we do for each other to make us happy. They are the means that our King uses to meet our needs. He will provide for his people. Receiving a gift is a worshipful experience. Giving a gift is to be used as a vessel to meet someone else's need.

To see Christ as King is different from his being Messiah or provider or Savior. As King, he embodies all of those attributes and more. If I see him as King, then I am awed and ready to worship when I revel in his love for me. It is so much bigger than I'd ever thought before.

Well, I could go on and on. But I won't. Today anyway. I have lots of other disconnected pieces to pull in before I feel like this is a cohesive thought. I hope you aren't too confused. And I hope that it caused something to jump in your spirit as you read. That's what happened to me when Chris first told me. Think about it.

Gracie

Some of you know my daughter Gracie. She is 5 years old, has blonde curly hair and big blue eyes. She is the prettiest child I've ever seen. She has little rosebud lips and a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. She was born pretty. She really was.

She started talking very early. By the time she was 14 months she could communicate really well. And that's when the trouble started. At first, it was a little squirmish here and there but before long, it became an all out assault. Then a war. She was the most strong-willed child I have ever seen. Once she made up her mind about something and sunk her teeth in it she was like a badger. (To get a badger to turn loose once it gets a hold on something you have to break it's jaw.) And everything was a fight. Breakfast, sippy cups, naps, potty training,books- you name it.

But the worst of it was bedtime. She would not just stay in the bed. Ask my Dad, he lived here for some of it. For two years straight, she got three spankings a night to get her to give up and stay in bed. I would cry, she would cry, Maggie would cry. We had a mantra: Me- "Gracie, what are you doing?" Gracie- " Fighting you." Me- "Who's going to win?" Gracie- "You are." Me- "And what's going to happen to you?" Gracie- "I'm gonna get a spankin." Me- "Then quit fighting me. I don't want to give you a swat." Three times every night, for three years. She fought me. Made Maggie and Ty miserable. Pestered the snot out of Brody. And I would pray every night and day that God would help me be kind and calm and that Gracie would learn that I was the boss and that Mommy always wins.

It was a long 3 years. One day, about nine months ago, she was throwing a fit and we replayed the mantra listed above. And she took a deep breath, looked at me and said "OK." And that was the end. Later she said, "Mommy, I gave up." It finally clicked that I was in charge. And she has been a different child since.

The only problem is that people got used to her being "the hard one." She had burned her bridges, so to speak. Her brother and sister avoided her. No one ever invited her to spend the night. She didn't get the affection she longed for. In a way, she had done it to herself. But she was 3. And now, she is acutely aware of every time someone says go away or you're so annoying. She came to me the other day in tears and said, "Mommy, I don't mean to annoy people." My heart broke for her.

She is my special girl. We have a bond that goes deep. You see, Gracie is me. I was just like her at that age. And I remember being told those same things or "Please, can't you just be quiet for five minutes?" or being ignored because I talked so much.

I talked to Bren about this problem tonight. And if you'll look at his blog, you'll see that he took extra time with her tonight. The other kids wouldn't let her play so Bren went and got her and let her pick out car pictures for his blog. He talked to her and gave her advice. They colored pictures. She talked about him all the way home. She told her Daddy about him. She prayed for him. You see, he showed love to her. He saw her, not as the bratty 3 year old she used to be, but as the bright 5 year old she has become.

Sometimes, I think we let people get stuck in our minds as being who they were ten years ago or two years ago. We don't let them grow and change. We think we know them but really we know who they used to be. Thank goodness I'm not who I was ten years ago. Are you?

It's an amazing thing to take a fresh look at someone you take for granted. You never know who you'll discover.

NARNIA !!!!!

Chris and I took all the kids to see The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe today. Words cannot express how much I loved this movie. The best way I can describe it is to say : It is as powerful as The Lord of The Rings and as moving as The Passion Of The Christ to me. I cried and laughed and cheered. The symbolism moved me. To know that Christ sees me the way Aslan saw Edmund and to see the power and love ..... breathtaking.

It was getting to experience a story that I've known most of my life. My Mom read some of the Chronicles of Narnia to Kim and I when we were little. Kim and I were in different bedrooms. So, Mother would sit in the hallway between our rooms and read it out loud. I remember being able to see it all happening in my mind. And the movie absolutely did the book justice.

I'm sure that they could have done a few things here and there differently. But overall it was perfect. Some may disagree, which is fine. But to me, it was magnificent!

Merry "Christmas"?

There is a big controversy brewing about Christmas. I saw a self-described atheist on the news last week talking about how "the pagans are taking back their holiday and if the Christians don't like it, they need to get over it!" Meaning that Christmas will now be only about Santa and giving and good feelings. No Jesus, no wise men, nothing.

So basically, we offend people with our "religious" talk and we should be quiet. Apparently, they can tolerate many things except our freedom of speech and religion. So what do we do? Try not to offend anyone? Try to be extra offensive?

In cases like these, I find it hard to hear God's voice. I want to tell these people to SHUT UP! That we, as believers, have had enough of their bullying and they need to get ready for a fight. But on the other hand, "We wrestle not against flesh and blood..." I feel a measure of compassion for the ones who cringe at the name of Christ.

All I know to do, is worship Christ as best I can and love as He has loved me. What will that look like? I'm not sure, but I am sure that He'll show me one situation at a time. My focus should never be the atheists and bullies of the world. It should always be on Christ, the one who seeks out the atheists and pagans for his own.

Sweet Memories

Today has been anticlimactic. But not in a bad way. We have spent weeks getting ready for the party last night. It went really well. Lots of people came and ate and laughed and talked. Chris shared the Gospel. I'm not sure how it was received, but that's not important. God will draw them.

So, today I'm running the dishwasher, paying bills and sitting around in my pj's. The kids wanted to watch old home videos. So, we watched the video of Brody's birth and the benefit concert we had after Dad's wreck. We watched old birthday parties and the family reunion of Bill's family. I love video cameras. It makes the past seem so close.

I saw my Mom hold Brody for the first time. And, to my knowledge, that's the only picture I have of her holding him. It was sweet and excrutiating at the same time. I cried pretty hard. I hadn't seen that one before. Dad was the one in the delivery room filming. Chris got to deliver Brody and we got the sweet prayer that Dr. Mac prayed afterward. It was wonderful to see all that again.

And almost as bittersweet was the benefit. I got to hear my friends Amber and Jawan sing again. It was sorta sad to me. I mean, these are the friends that I used to hear sing almost every week. Once, I came home and Amber was in my house practicing for her recital because Frank was asleep at home. It was pretty cool. Amber was always singing or humming. And my joke with Jawan is that her voice is what my voice sounds like in my head. For some reason when it leaves my mouth, it loses something. I miss my friends. They live in different states now. But I still love them and they love me. I hope.

So, today was a lazy day. Watching videos and eating leftovers from the party. Seeing how little my kids were when Brody was born. Lovely day.

Quick Thought About Theraflu

The new Theraflu commercials irritate me. In one, a guy (who looks like a troll) gets on a bus. And where does he sit? Next to the youngest person on the bus! HE HAS THE FLU! Sure Theraflu might get rid of your symptoms (and you no longer looklike a troll) but YOU STILL HAVE THE FLU!

In the other commercial, the guy drinks his medicine and then leaves his infected coffee cup right next to the coffee pot! HEELLLOOOO?!?!?! You have the flu, go home and quit infecting everyone around you!

Good grief.

Girl Trip

WARNING* Amber and Angela, read at your own risk.

Well, I'm back from my trip. (Obviously) And boy was it fun! Kim, Terri and I went down to Destin on Wednesday morning. We had to stop a few times for Terri the Tiny Tank Carden but we still made it in 5 hours. It was sunny and warm and beautiful the whole time we were there.

A friend of Chris' from work let us stay in her condo for practically nothing. It was really nice. Two bedroom, two bath, full kitchen, DVD player and cable. We had all the plans of going out to eat, staying out late, etc. But I must admit - we are old. We went out to eat at a place we thought would be great. Ended up - not so much. I ordered a frozen Irish coffee which tasted like hair spray with whipped cream on top. By the second sip, my tongue was numb. Needless to say, that drink was not finished. Yuck! How can people like whiskey? And the food was decent, but I don't pay that much money for "decent". My french onion soup had funny looking cheese. It was honeycombed - very uncool.

After eating, we went to Krispie Kreme and succeeded in completely confusing the foreign speaking cashier. We were retarded. If we wanted to, Kim and I could be really effective short-change artists. While we were there, we were ogled by an unwashed, smelly man. Lovely.

And then, we really partied. We went to Target and bought nail polish and coffee. WHOO! We are wild. We confused the Starbucks cashier too.

The next day we slept late and shopped at the outlet mall. Man, we got some really good deals. I'm serious. Nice backpacks for $1, sweaters for $3, cd's for $7. Lots o' stuff! I love getting good deals. Gap pricing was disappointing though. The book store was sooo great. Lots of stuff for school.

Terri and I walked down to the beach. It was weird standing there in sweatshirts and still being cold. We had climbed a wooden fence to save ourselves a really long walk to the access. Which was fine. But on the way back, Oh my Goodness, I climbed it just fine. But Terri's shirt hung on something and she started falling. It was like time stood still. I could hear her nails clawing the wood trying to stop herself. But it was to no avail. She fell flat on her butt. I was standing there, honestly thinking that she wasn't going to actually hit the ground. Three times, it looked like she was about to right herself. I was such a bad friend. I could not quit laughing. Terri was laughing too. I think that's why she kept losing her balance.

We came back and watched The Village by M. Night Shamaylan. Love that movie! If you haven't seen it, you should. No cursing. No ugly scenes. It's suspenseful and .... just cool! Anyway, we watched movies and laughed and read books and laughed and discussed books and laughed and ate and laughed. You get the idea.

You know, it doesn't really matter what we do, we always have fun. It was restful and encouraging. And during that brief time, it sort of hit me. There are a lot of women who don't have the friendships that I do. Many don't see the need for it. Many don't think they have the time for it. Others are just plain scared of it.

But having my "Sister Chics" is priceless to me. They love me no matter what and I them. Just tonight they came up and helped me clean to get ready for a party. They love my kids and participate in my life. They e-mail me or IM me and offer bits of their heart that soothe my spirit. They call just to complain. They listen when I call to complain and somehow we always end up remembering God's providence. And then we laugh.

I wish all of you reading this could come on our next girl trip. You'd have a great time, I know it.

Nice or Love

Chris and I were having a conversation this morning about niceness. I always thought that to show love to someone meant being nice to them. That if I wanted to show the love of Christ that it meant to make that person feel good. It's sounds silly when I put it that way, but in the moment, that's what feels right.

But as I learn about the love of God, I am confronted with the fact that He is not "nice". His love is fierce and jealous. His love drags me to Himself, sometimes kicking and screaming. His love is confrontational and "in your face". He sent His only Son to His death, out of His love for me. Does that sound nice?

So why do I think that I always need to be nice and not hurt anyone's feelings? I'm sure I could find something or someone to blame it on, but the truth of the matter is, if comfort is my god, then I impose that internal law on others. If I see my sister in Christ headed down a path of sin and pain, should I be nice and support her in that choice? Or should I tell her that she is messing up? Which is love : to cheer someone on as they walk out in front of a bus? Or to tackle them and drag them out of harm's way? If it was me walking out into the road, I would want someone to tackle me. Sure I might get bruised and scraped, but I'd be alive. And if that person I love rejects me because of it, do I quit loving them? Does God quit loving me? God's grace gives me the ability to put the pain in perspective.

The difficulty comes in when I consider my own sin. Who am I to point out someone else's sin? Answer: a fellow sinner saved by God's grace. In that place, I come in love not condemnation. I come wanting to listen and enter into that person's life. If that person is just annoying and I want them to stop it, I don't want to enter into their life. And that shows me that I don't love them, I love me. But when I long to share their pain and push them back into the arms of God, that is love. "Nice" doesn't even figure into the equation.

Thoughts of My Home

Today, the kids and I got the house cleaned up and started decorating for Christmas. We put up the tree and strung the lights. We set out other small decorations. And for the first time in recent history, I was able to set up my Christmas village. My cousin Dustin had given me several new 'residences' a few years ago. Today was the first time they were taken out of the box. I have a small buffet type piece of furniture in my living room now. And Ty, Grace, and Brody helped me set them all up. They put out the buildings and then played with all the small things. They love the benches, street signs, people and skating rink. I got some really cute video.

I was able to purge my laundry room. Things there are now organized and any old, unuseful stuff is g-o-n-e. Woo-hoo! It looks really great to me. Now, I want to do the same thing to my pantry. But one thing at a time.

Right now, the kids are each playing quietly. Ty and Grace are playing with the mini-horse stable that Maggie got for Christmas last year. Brody's playing with his train set. Maggie is with Poppy.

Chris is at work. I'm so ready for him to come home I feel like crying. He's been gone for 2 1/2 days. His presence completely changes the dynamics in our home. I feel more peaceful for one thing. The kids love talking to him and asking him questions. When he's gone, he's never far from our thoughts and conversation.

I've never heard anyone talk about the mystery of 'one flesh' that Scripture talks about. But I think about it a lot. It's a beautiful thing the way Chris and I complete each other. It's a constant give and take. I remember when we first got married, I never wanted to be away from him. A friend told me to 'just wait until you've been married a few years'. That bothered me. Should a husband and wife ever want to be apart? Before, it was sort of an insecure thing. Now, it's just that we work so well together. It's a bone deep completion. Is that corny? It's true. We just like being together. He cracks me up. He's funny and smart and pretty. And he thinks that I'm funny and smart and beautiful. I miss him when he's gone. And we've been married almost 11 1/2 years. Seems like 2 or 3, except for the fact that we have 4 kids. We've been through so much together, I'm glad God gave me Chris. God always gives us what we need. And He knew before I did that I needed someone strong-willed and tenderhearted.

He'll be home in hopefully about 4 hours. Lord, protect my husband. Bring him safely home to me.

I am thankful. Not just because everything is going really well right now, (because they're not) but because God has blessed me. His blessings may not always be in the form I would choose, but that doesn't mean they're not blessings. And right now, in this moment, I am thankful.

This is Ty and Ellas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. They were plotting how to spend their $6.00. As you can tell, they are best friends. I think they're precious. But if they ask, tell them I said "Cool" not "precious". 

Jeremiah 17:9

I am learning that everything is not always as it seems.

For instance, my heart doctor informed me that sometimes people mistake dehydration for hunger. He said that many people walk around in a state of unrecognized thirst, and once you get rehydrated, you feel thirsty. Experts say that many times, depression is a sign of repressed anger. So anger makes you feel sad. A Bible study I'm in says that our dissatisfaction with ourselves and our circumstances is really displaced or unrecognized hunger for God.

I discovered a new one last Sunday. Our music during worship is awesome. I mean really, really amazing. And last Sunday, Stokes, our music leader, sang a duet with a friend of his. I sat there listening and worshipping and before I knew it, I wanted to hug Stokes and Adam and thank them. But very quickly, I realized that I had gone from worshipping God to praising the servant. Why is that? What I was really feeling was thankfulness and praise towards God but my response was all wrong. I wanted to give the glory to Stokes. And Stokes didn't want it. He was too busy praising God.

Why do we do that? I don't know. But it shows me that I don't know myself as well as I like to think. Only God truly knows my heart. Only God can change it. Only God can expose my heart to me. And when He does, I learn something new about myself.

Bull Or Buffalo?

Today, being Sunday, was a day of rest. Maggie was playing at a friend's house. Chris and Brody were asleep. I walked into the living room where Gracie and Ty were watching a rodeo, actually bull riding, on the television.

Wanting to make conversation, I asked, "What are ya'll watching?"

To which Gracie replied, "We're watching the Buffalo Races."

You may not think that's cute, but it cracked me up!

Death

As I write this, my heart aches for so many people. My friend Toni has just lost her Mother. The next day, Toni lost her daughter-in-law, my friend, Jessica. Jessica died of cancer, leaving behind two daughters. As I was getting ready to go to her funeral, I found out that my dear friend, Laura Kessler's little brother was in a car accident. Last account I had, he was taken off life support. They don't expect him to make it. He is 16. I used to babysit him. While I was at the funeral, I stood next to my friend and mentor, Maja. Maja's daughter, Rachael, died a few years ago. I used to babysit her too. I think of Rachael all the time. I keep a picture of her on my refrigerator.

Why does God create us with the capacity for profound love? Why does he connect us to other people? Make us need other people? Death is inevitable, I know, but it's also very, very personal.

Nothing else has ever caused me to feel as though I am literally coming apart at the seams. When my best friend, Lori, died and also when my Mom died, it actually felt like my heart was being squeezed in two. How is it that His love for me includes loss? Profound loss. Heart-wrenching loss.

I don't know. I'm not Him. But I do know that God knows how we feel. It broke His heart when His Son died. It tore Him apart, literally. The Father turned His back on the Son. Why? Because He loved me. And by doing that He conquered death. Death has no more power over us.

And it's weird, because I hate and fear the death of loved ones. But I long for death every day. I want to be with Him in Heaven. I'm not suicidal; but I recognize that death is a release from this pain and longing. I know that if I died, God would take care of my family. I trust Him with my own death, but it's much harder to trust Him with death of others.

My Mom and friends are much better off. But I miss them. And Laura will miss Clete. Toni will miss her mother. Kayla will miss Jessica. There are no quick answers. No trite phrases that will ease the pain. And to try to think of one is closing my heart off so that I won't feel their pain. Life is messy. And God calls us to cry with each other and hurt with each other and laugh with each other. And pray for each other. The whole time remembering that He is the one who has given us the ability to do all those things. Our earthly relationships are but a reflection of the intimate connection we have with God. And when we need comfort or faith or peace - He gives us Himself. And that really is enough.

I hope that doesn't sound flippant. I don't mean for it to. But I choose to believe that. That choosing is the very definition of faith. And He'll give me faith when I have none.

The times when I know that I was experiencing God are the times I screamed out in pain, wanting to know WHY? Betty Carter says in her book that why is one of the most devout questions that we could ask because it shows a belief that there is a God who is in charge. And whenever I ask a question of Him... He will answer. He promised that He would. And He's big enough to take my anger or pain or fear. He's bigger than my anger and pain and fear. He is God and He is good. Plus, as I've said over and over again (because it amazes me) He loves me. I know that He does.

These are pictures from Ty's Military Birthday Party. They're a little hard to see. Sorry. The top one is my Dad wearing Brody's helmet. The middle one was taken while they were on their "mission" in the woods. The bottom one is them learning how to salute properly. Many thanks to Brendan for being our C.O./Drill Instructor. And also to Scott who taught me the lingo and consequently kept me from sounding more like a doofus than usual.  

Picture Pages

Do any of you remember that show, Picture Pages? I only remember bits and pieces. But today was picture day for me. I finally went to Sam's and came home with 5 envelopes of pictures.

So today, on my blog, is Picture Page Day. I hope you like them.

This is Maggie and Ty with their instructor, Mr.Crawford. They love him. He's very patient and doesn't let them get away with being lazy. 

Maggie and Ty, The Equestrians. Maggie's riding a pony named Trigger. Ty's riding Spirit. They are learning to "boss" the most stubborn horses. This means controlling the movement and speed. 

Here are Gracie and Brody watching Maggie and Ty at horse lessons. They love watching the horses, dogs, and goats.  

Brody with his first and only true buddy. Caleb moved away but Brody still remembers him. These two boys love to play. Sometimes in the toilet, sometimes in the dog food, but always together. 

My Father, The Social Butterfly

My Dad is a social butterfly. I've never seen anything like it. He loves people. He loves talking to them, watching them, and helping them. His favorite song is "People Need The Lord". And he truly believes that every person has more to them than meets the eye. I'll give you case in point.

I've already told you about our activities of last Thursday. When I parked his truck in the lot on 3rd Avenue, the only person either of us knew was each other. That was soon to change. I'll say "we" met people, but that's not really the case. "He" met people and introduced me to them.

We walked the few blocks to the club, where we met the hostess, I can't remember her name. But she's only been at that job for a short time and likes it. We then met Loren, our waitress. She just graduated from college with a degree in Music. She broke up with her long time boyfriend a couple of months ago and is "okay with it", she has a beautiful singing voice, and her family is from Ohio. She had an audition yesterday that she was very hopeful about. The BBQ ribs are her favorite dish.

Next, I was introduced to Calvin. Calvin is the "bathroom guy" at the club. You know... he passes out cologne and sells cigars... that kind of thing. Calvin is divorced from his first wife and used to live in Bessemer, Alabama. Calvin has been to (or lived in) Gate City, Downtown Birmingham, Eastwood and many other localles that are familiar to me. He has worked in clubs in Memphis?, Birmingham, and Atlanta. He loves cigars.

After that we left the club and walked around. We met a man named Pops. He was the bouncer at Coyote Ugly. He was standing out on the sidewalk by himself. He loves his job, used to do drugs, has been clean for a long time, and is not married. Other things were discussed but I was window shopping at the time. *He had my favorite quote of the night: I used to do acid. Now I do antacid.*

So at the end of a relatively short period of time, friends were made. People smiled and I think a couple even heard the name of Christ(and not as a curse word). We walked all the way to the end of the block, visiting and having a great time. When it was time to go, this is how it went:

"Mike, take it easy. Good luck tomorrow." (from Pops)
"Mike, take care of yourself. I hope everything goes alright." (from Calvin)
"Mike, I'll be thinkin of you. Come back and let us know how it went." (from anonymous homeless guy)
"Thank you Mike. Take care." (from Loren)

We started out that evening together with different agendas. I wanted to eat good food and relax. My Dad wanted to eat good food and minister to someone. He recognizes that people all have private pain and need the Lord. And he is always willing to take the time to get to know the nameless, faceless people of the world. I love that about him. Some people might find the fact that he talks to everyone annoying. I find it convicting.

Got The Blues

No, I'm not depressed. What I mean is I understand the Blues.

Thursday, as some may have gathered from my previous post, Dad and I went to B.B. King's Blues Club in Nashville. In the late afternoon during the week, it's very easy to get a table. We ate cheese fondue, bbq shrimp, ribs, and fries. AMAZING! It was so good. We finished eating around 5:45 and spent the next 2 hours walking around Nashville. (that's another post entirely)

At about 7:26, we found ourselves back at the entrance to the Blue's Club. Now, the music didn't start until 8:30 and we were already tired. Plus, we had to be at the hospital at 7am. We stood outside for about 2 minutes and debated whether or not we were staying. The bouncer (a very large, scary looking man who was very nice actually) informed us that we had 2 minutes to be inside before they started charging a cover charge. So, in we went. I mean, now it was free entertainment.

We sat at a table, drinking decaf coffee, for an hour while the place filled up. There were some interesting looking folks. I'm serious. One girl, I swear to you, had hair like Princess Leah from Star Wars. Another girl had some shiny knee-high black boots, covered in weird buckles and the whole sole was about three inches thick. Dad and I were having a ball staring shamelessly. I mean, these people looked in the mirror before they left home and felt that this was the best they could do. Wow. I won't even start on the dancers. Suffice it to say - Gross!

Finally the band was done setting up and ready to play. There was a drummer, an organist, a bass guitarist, a lead guitarist, a saxaphonist, a trumpet player, and 2 singers. The singers were a heavy-set, bald, white man and a skinny, pretty, black girl. I was not all that impressed. Until they started playing.

I have heard blues on the radio and even in movies. And as you know, I don't like repetitive noise. I was just hoping it wouldn't be annoying. But then the music started and I was captivated. There is something very alive about Blues. The musicians were having such a great time, laughing and "riffing". Before I knew it, I was tapping my fingers and smiling. It was great. Dad was enjoying himself and so was I. For a few moments, all the worry faded and I relaxed.

In a song, Chris Rice wrote about heaven, "I join in and I drink the music, holiness is the air I'm breathing." So, if that's true, blues would be a hot toddy. Warm and relaxing and invigorating.

Chris and his Mini-Me (aka Brody) at the Fall Festival. Brody went as his Daddy. We made his scrubs out of one of Chris' old sets. Cute, huh?  

So Much To Blog, So Little Time

Well, I'm back by popular demand. (If you can call 2 people "popular demand")

Dad's surgery went well. Dr.Lee was pleased. We were hoping it would only take a couple of hours but it took almost 4! I was 3 minutes away from a freak attack. But all was well.

While I was away, I learned some things. I'll put them in a list.

1. My Dad is hysterical when he's heavily medicated. Truly, truly funny to watch.

2. Vanderbilt Hospital is the blueprint for hell. I got soooo lost looking for "Medical Center North", which must NOT be confused with the North Tower of the Medical Center, or the North Plaza. Come to find out, it's hidden in the corner behind trees and huge buildings. And the sign for it's on the front, but the doors are on the side! AHHH!!!!

3. Some people are born without a sense of humor. It's a genetic defect. Their mommas should've drunk more orange juice while pregnant.

4. Some of the world's nicest people are disguised as scary, smelly people.

5. A blue's club is really dull at 4:15 on a Thursday afternoon. Now 9:00... that's a different story.

6. My Dad's new truck handles VERY differently from my mini-van. Don't ask.

7. University of Kentucky football fans are very loud at 11:45 at night. In the hotel room next to mine anyways.

8. Life can be very lonely when you're in a strange city all alone.

9. Bouncers are people too.

10. I'm more like my Granny than any one else. Only not as industrious. But at least I don't scare easy.

11. Being mistaken for your Dad's wife is really gross! No offense to Dad or Rhonda.

12.My sister and I would never survive if one of us moved away. Not even a chance.

13. Coming home to screams and cheers and hugs and kisses is awesome!


Well, that's all for tonight. I'll post more tomorrow. If you're lucky.

An Excerpt From My Life

Hello, Friends. Today is the day for a disjointed, somewhat rambling post.

Today is a beautiful, warm, sunny day in Alabama. The kids have played outside for a while. But right now, I am torturing them. Yes, you guessed it... they're taking a test on the structure of the Earth and volcanoes. And it's 3 pages long! Ain't I a stinker?

Chris and I cleaned out our shed. We found the "Ladybug Graveyard". Apparently, ladybugs come to my shed to die. Sort of like the elephant graveyard in the old Tarzan movies. But once we cleared away the ladybug carcasses, we got rid of so much junk! And in the process, we found a bucket of old tennis balls. Our foster-dog, Gabriel, is in heaven. He and all 4 kids played "Gabriel, drop the ball!" until he finally crawled under the porch to get some rest. All 4 kids were covered in dog slobber. Gross!!!!

Chris is having fun too. He's outside building Ty's Christmas present. Power tools and wood. Oh Yeah!

I've been running around all day trying to get things ready for my departure. I have to leave in the morning to take my Dad to Vanderbilt for his umpteenth surgery due to the wreck in 2003. This time, he's getting an entire elbow replacement. Please pray for him and his doctor, Dr. Lee. I'm trying not to worry or be afraid. But I am. I love my Daddy very much. Pray for me as I have to be up there alone and away from Chris and the kids. Pray for Kim as she'll have all my kids until Saturday.

My house is ready for me to be gone. Kim came up yesterday and helped me get rid of stuff. I got tired of fighting my girls to keep their room clean. So I took away everything. All that was left were the toys on their beds and the furniture. Then, if they could remember it and specifically name it, they could have it back. I gave away 4 Hefty bags of stuff. Now their room is clean!

My closets are empty. My dishes are washed. My laundry is done. My children are packed. I'm almost packed. I guess I'm about ready. I won't be posting again until Sunday or Monday. Talk to you guys soon. Bye!

To Breathe Or Not To Breathe

Sometimes life is hard. Not tragic, just hard. And it can change from day to day. Today was a hard day.

Let me clarify. Because we haven't sold the trailer and have no one to rent it, money is tight. The closer to the Holidays is gets, the tighter it is. Now, I don't mean that we can't pay our bills. We can. Our budget just has no room for breathing. And it's hard to go for long stretches of time without breathing. Ya know?

That wears me down like nothing else can. I hate money. I hate having it and not having it. I hate that I must think of it almost every day. I hate checkbooks and debit cards. I hate having to tell my kids "No" all the time. Of course, I hate it worse that they ask for stuff all the time. *Today, Ty informed me that he now collects old cell phones and old keys. AAHHH!!!* But most of all, I hate the effect of money on me.

I sense in myself the desire to be comfortable. I want to beg God to make life easy. I want to figure out a way to earn money. I want to ,spiritually speaking, be wearing elastic-waist pants that are comfy and easy to breathe in. But in my present state, it's like I'm wearing pants that button and are one size too small. Every time I try to breathe, I am reminded to trust God. The tight spots and trials are the very things that push me to trust. (James 1:2-4) Every time I think about putting on my spiritual moo-moo of self-sufficiency, I long to be made beautiful. I want to trust God more than I want to be comfortable. I want to, like it says in 1Peter 3:4, have the beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit that waits for my Redeemer to come. How much more wonderful it is to let my Bridegroom come in and care for me.

Is He big enough? Strong enough? Sovereign enough? Intimate enough? Will He take care of us? If the Bible is true.... yes, to all of the above. Is there joy in the "tight pants" of my faith? Absolutely! Whatever it takes to remind me of Him. And money will not always be tight. But something else will crop up. And I will have to choose to trust Him with it.

The beauty of Heaven, to me, is knowing that I'll be able to feel His breath on my face and sigh with contentment, knowing that there are no tight pants in Heaven! All is perfected.

My Child the Taco

I was having a discussion with some friends the other day about how my kids respond to discipline. As a child, I was a "wailer". I would start shrieking and wailing the minute my Mother said anything about a spanking. She was always afraid the neighbors would call the cops and she hadn't even touched me yet. My kids are no different but they do have different strategies.

Maggie is the human taco. She folds her body completely in half backwards. With her arms flailing behind her and alternating from foot to foot. Her head is bent back and her body is twisting the entire time. And all this is before I'm even ready to give her a pop. She makes it much harder on herself. Same as with the rest of her life.

Ty closes in on himself. He stops talking. He clenches his cheeks and stoically takes it. He just wants to get it over with. Same as the rest of his life.

Gracie does what I call "the stiff arm". She's like I was as a kid. The weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth starts way ahead of time. She stiffens her elbows, gets red in the face and screams. She will fight me to the bitter end. Same as the rest of her life.

Brody is a little undefined still. He's only had to get a few spankings. But when he does something he knows is wrong. He'll put both hands on his rear and start sidestepping away from me, repeating the mantra "No Momma No Momma No Momma No" He wants to dissuade me from my present course. Pretty much the same as the rest of his life.

Makes me wonder? What do I do to avoid discipline? I justify, argue, berate, and avoid. Pretty much.... all of my kids combined.

Amber, if you thought they looked like a Gap ad before..... This was made last year at the beach. I must admit, I've got some good lookin kids.  

Baal

If you're like I was, you think that Baal is a particular type of false god. But according to Tim Keller, senior pastor of Redeemer Pres, a baal is a generic term. It was used to refer to the numerous idols of gods and godesses of the Canaanites that dotted the land at the time of the Old Testament. I looked it up - he's right. Keller goes on to say that anything can become a Baal for us.

I have come to realize more and more over the past few years just how true that is. It's not the "bad" things that I idolize. It's the "good" things. It's cleanliness, motherhood, matrimony, homeschooling, etc. Usually, it's the things that I think make me more pleasing to God. I can avoid, with relative ease, the drunken orgies and murder. But idols are those things that we think about more than God. They are those things that, if I lost them, would devastate me. The things that weigh down my heart before Him.

We've been talking in Wednesday night class about how repentance has always seemed to be asking forgiveness and then trying harder. Isn't that what sanctification is? God saved me. Now I have to dig in and try really hard to change myself. NOPE! That's using the flesh to conquer the flesh. Doesn't work.

What I am realizing more and more is that when I am consumed with... whatever, I have lost my spiritual focus. When I try hard to sanctify myself, I'm saying that God is either not big enough to do it for me or He doesn't care enough to be that involved. Neither of which is true. He is both big enough to handle it and intimately passionate about me to want to. It's tricky. How do I relax and trust Him to make me holy and not sit around doing nothing all day? I'm not sure of the answer to that question. All I know is that it's a day by day, moment by moment turning my heart to remember His love.

Life would be much simpler if my only idol was a porcelain unicorn that I could smash with a hammer.

God's Active Mercy

Occasionally, things will happen in my life that surprise me. My life is fairly predictable, so this is unusual. I don't like it when the little surprises are "Hey, I forgot to pay the power bill!" Those are bad surprises.

It is always a great surprise to me when my children say something profound. And most of the time, if I ask them where they learned it, their answer will more than likely be - from Mrs. Morgan or Mrs. Toni told me or Mrs. Rita said. Makes me very, very thankful that we have the best church in the world. But I also have feelings of being ineffective or unheard.

And then God sends me a sign. A note of encouragement. For instance, on the way home the other night, Gracie asked Maggie to sing a Girl Scout song. It's a version of If You're Happy and You Know It. Only it has verses that go something like, "If you think Boy Scouts are great clap your hands" to which the girls respond by not clapping and singing instead, "Oops, I missed." It has several verses. Maggie proceeded to tell Gracie that she didn't think they should sing that song anymore because she (Maggie) had been thinking and the song is disrespectful to boys. She said that she'd thought it over and the song implied that boys were stupid and not as good as girls. I felt a surge of joy. Not just over her decision but because she thought! Maggie sat and contemplated the song and it's value. She thought. It was a good moment.

So maybe I'm not beating my head against a wall as much as I think I am. And even if I am, God still commands that I not give up. But press on, keeping my eyes on Christ the whole way. And stop thinking that the results are up to me. God is working in my little ones. I can never begin to do what He has promised He will do, is doing. God's active mercy soothes my spirit and calms my heart. All my past sins are past. His mercies are new every morning. To me and my kids. Thank God for that!